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why do we care - Carers UK Forum

why do we care

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
ive been on here for a while and have found it helpfull at expressing my fustration in been a carer,just when things start to settle down someone else throws a spanner in the works,i gave up work to care for my severly disabled son after my wife told me i have him or he goes into care,this means now i live on income support and a few other benifits,we have a motibiliity car which we use when we can afford it,my son goes to day centre and i use the time for domestic chores shopping cleanning etc,ive now been informed his transport has been stopped because we have a car and should take him in myself,we have the right to appeal but the person we appeal to is the person that stopped the transport in the first place,that cant really be fair,as ive said in the past my son only sleeps up to 2 hours at a time so alot of time in the morning i feel drained,ive asked faily for help but to be told no can do so still doing all the care myself this added presure just feels like climbing a mountain with my hands tied,so because i care i end up with no job no money no free time no partner to share thing with ,i know it feels like im moaning but im not really it just amazes me how alone you can be how low you can feel and yet still every day you care ,i love my son unconditionaly and would never give up on him so why do his brothers and sisters and even his own mum turn their back on him when we clearly need help,and the professionals seem to say sorry not our problem
Stuart I really could not just walk by without at least giving you a virtual hug. Have you had a carers' assessment lately as you sound very stretched and without any respite? Put in your appeal and if possible speak with your doctor to get some medical support for it supporting your reason for exhaustion making it unsafe for you to use your car. I'm sure there are budgets that are not being triggered here but it is out of my experience. I'm sure someone can advise you on getting more financial support.
Stuart, your situation sounds heartbreaking and exhausting. I know you are dead set on keeping your son with you, but would it be possible for him to be 'in care' BUT come back to you regularly (eg, weekends). If he were a 'weekly boarder' so to speak, would that enable you to 'recover' and yet you have not 'exiled' your son as I suspect you fear.....

Wishing you as well as can be in such a sad, sad situation. Jenny
thankyou both for your replies it makes things feel better just knowing im not alone in this struggle,i have thought about my son in care but im old school and believe in looking after your own,although T is hard work i would miss his loverly nature and it wouldnt be fair on him,ive spoke to the transport people and theyve just really said tuff get over it,so yet again i will keep going and do the bes i can for T,, it is wrong how carers are treated,but i know in this im not alone thousands of carers struggle to cope with their roles
Hi Stuart,
What a difficult situation you are in and although I don't think I can help very much I'm sure I read on here somewhere about advocates who can fight your corner with you and who are, obviously, not emotionally involved in the case. It seems ridiculous to me that the appeal goes to the same person who makes the initial decision but somehow not surprising.
I wish you luck
Tracy