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Why do people send their elderly parents to care home - Page 9 - Carers UK Forum

Why do people send their elderly parents to care home

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
87 posts
Hi Teresa, welcome to the forum. Don't take too long writing anything, it's vital it's done within an hour, otherwise you will see it, but when you push the post button it disappears completely!!! Really annoying, especially if you get interrupted part way through.
Every caree / carer relationship is unique.

What works for one partnership may not work for another.

Those two points flow through this thread.

There is no " One size fits all " solution ... never has been , never will be.

If anyone wants to blame something , how about the system ?

The System that fails both carees and carers alike.

The System of Social Care.

Run by academics with textbook solutions.

No direct input from either carees or carers.

Underfunded by Central Government to a dangerous , almost meltdown , extent.

Administered by Local Government under all sorts of pressure to maintain local services of which
social care is only a part.

For confirmation , a quick scan of the NEWS SECTION while it remains on this site.

Warnings of an ageing population were first posted in the 1960s.

Fifty odd years later , and no decisive action apart from increasing the state retirement age.

A crisis not of any readers making. No political party has even scratched the surface.

Without the contribution from carers over the years , the System would collapse within a week.

NHS meltdown ? Joe Public wouldn't stand for it.

Social Care meltdown ? Joe Public showing indifference as opposed to concern.

BBC Question Time ... how many questions on the NHS over the years in comparison with Social Care ?

Guess who gets to pick up the pieces ?

Welcome to our world.
I appreciate that all circumstances are different. I answered the original question "Why do people send parents to a care home?" I did it for respite care, it ended up for more, but now Dad is home he is flourishing, I will never let him go back.
How wonderful to read your post!
I'm so grateful to the nursing home for the care they give to my husband. I'm nicely envious that you have your dad home and he is flourishing.
I only wish I could have hubby home. Sadly it's not possible, for his safety and well-being. ( Vascular dementia and strokes).
Not sure why I'm stating this, except my heart strings are well and truly pulled!!
Hello and thank you for what you said, it meant a lot to me. I do understand that the care home where your husband is are doing a wonderful job. I am sure that each time he sees you he smiles.

One thing that I have learnt with Dad is that he appreciates the help that I am giving, my mum died a couple of years ago and it was very hard , leading up to her death I tried to help her but I had cancer and could not do much .

I am now in "remission" , have been back at work for over a year , but now taking unpaid leave to look after my lovely dad, going to go now to check on oven and cooking etc . Teresa
Hi Teresa
You can always start a new thread, you don't have to resurrect an old one, even if you want to talk about the same sort of thing.
Why do you feel that you can never send dad back for respite? Was is that awful as far as you could tell or was his reaction bad?
Anyway, I am happy for you that you feel he is flourishing now. That's marvellous.
Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
Teresa, to me the standout phrase in your post is that your dad 'appreciates the help I'm giving him'.

My MIL has dementia, and I've never had a word of thanks or even acknowledgement of what I've done for her.

I find that very VERY hard to endure. It is, I know, one of the reasons I did NOT feel (that) bad about putting her in a care home.

Yes, I know with my head that because of her dementia she is now incapable of understanding that other people exist in the world except her. But I don't really 'accept' it in the sense of 'tolerating' it. I endure it.

That said, I expect that if she were my mum, not my MIL, I would be more tolerant.

It isn't a nice aspect of my character, but it's there, all the same. I grit my teeth and do what I have to do. (Which, since she is now in a home, is not much.)
87 posts