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Why can't I be certain of anything????? - Carers UK Forum

Why can't I be certain of anything?????

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
so, mum got out of hospital yesterday. She got back to the house and immediately thought my aunt, uncle and I were laughing at her. She spent the whole day scrubbing the kitchen, which was already spotless. I think she has used bleach on our cooker, which is now all scraped. At the moment she is happy working around the house - should I stop her from doing things just because she is damaging them?

She is eager to get in touch with friends, which I assume is a good sign (?), but I'm worried that she will become verbally abusive to them. Should I encourage her friends to come round, even though she might offend them, or should I try to delay them for a while in the hope that she gets back to normal?

Mum wants to go out, but she is suffering from double incontinence (a new development over the past few days). No-one can tell me if this is a new symptom of the confusion she is experiencing, or the result of a bug picked up in hospital. Should I take her out shopping despite the risk of an accident which we are unprepared to deal with?

At the moment I am working from home. Will I reach a stage where I can happily go back to work without worrying? Will I be able to work from home permanently? Or am I going to have to give up work completely?

I'm new to caring. And I feel utterly alone. Are things always this uncertain?
I'm new to caring. And I feel utterly alone. Are things always this uncertain?
You are not alone, we have been there too, the beginning is usually the hardest part because there is so much adapting to the new situation to do but, over time, you learn to cope and deal with problems as they arise. In one way you are quite fortunate, you realise that you are a carer and have come to look for help, there is nothing to beat other people's experience and the friendship and support of people in a similar situation. You will cope, we all do.

If you have not already you need to talk to an incontinence advisor, you should be able to access this service via your mother's GP, I am using Tena Slips which I have found to be leak-proof, only problem is that we were only given two packs and our local PCT will no longer fund them and I have just had to buy some online, if you do not have incontinence pads various providers will provide free samples, you could try Tena]http://www.tenadirect.co.uk/?ls=1&utm_s ... +Direct+UK[/url]

also these]http://www.allaboutincontinence.co.uk/h ... lt_new.php[/url]


If you order online or by telephone do not forget that your mother is VAT exempt.

As for your mother's friends, I think it depends on how understanding they are likely to be, if you do invite them to visit it would probably be worth explaining that you mother has changed, hopefully for the short-term, and that they might find her a little difficult.

It sounds as though you could do with some support too and it might be worth finding out where your local carers centre is and giving them a ring, even if you cannot get to them they can be an invaluable source of advice and support.
Hi Jim

I think Parsifal's post has said it all really and I can't add anymore. You will cope, just try and take each day as it comes and remember, there is always someone on her to help you or just somewhere for you to say how you feel without being judged.

Take care,

I just wanted to say you are not alone. I am new to caring too and confused and upset about just about everything. And I mean I am worried about everything that I could possibly worried about; I could worry for GB.

In my case my caree has - for want of a better phrase - a "life limiting" - condition which will only get worse over time. So having been made redundant in February, and finding job searching futile, I worry if I am making myself worry about a job I cannot take now even if one was offered. You see what I mean? I even worry about woryng. Personally, I would make sure you find out all the resources available to you before you even think about giving up work. A job is a good buffer from too much stress.

I think for some of these things you just have to see what happens. Not put your family or your mum in any danger, of course. I recall my own mother being frustrated because my father's mum, with dementia, came to live with them. One day she decided to clean the wooden kitchen chairs with a steel scouring pad - taking all the varnish off four chairs. I think it is these routine type things, familiar things like cleaning, that someone with dementia or other mental problems find comforting.

So I don't really now what to say or how to help, other than to say you are not alone.
your just normal,,
welcome the world of being a carer and the site
if im not worried i worry about wot i have forgotten!
Hi Jim,

Glad you've got your Mum back from hospital - I hope you were able to set up some kind of care plan with Social Services before she came home; if not you really do need to get onto them for an assessment (both for your Mum and yourself) once that's in place you should fnd things a lot easier.

Don't try to stop your Mum doing things around the house - it's her way of feeling 'normal' again. So what if she damages things - they are only things and can be replaced; your Mum can't be replaced, so if she's happy leave her be. Only stop her if what she wants to do is dangerous (like climbing ladders to wash net curtains !).

"Worrying" - we all do it; but we have to realise that worrying about things yet to happen is counter-productive and worrying about things in the past is a waste of time ! As the Serenity Prayer says:

Lord grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Like the others have said - it's early days for you yet, it will get easier and you will cope.