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Why are Social Workers so vilified? - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

Why are Social Workers so vilified?

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132 posts
Greta wrote:You say that social workers sometimes make the mistake of being drawn in, and that carers should direct their emotions at an effective target. Yes, but I think that's a normal part of life and suppressing all our emotions isn't going to work even if it were a good thing.
Thank you Greta. I believe that if more people were to better understand why they inappropriately transfer their anger etc onto another then they may change their behaviour, target appropriately and actually effect change.
Otherwise it is a self perpetuating downward spiral.
SW's are trained to understand the emotions which is why, I would suggest, they do not react in the way that others would.
Mick_1707 wrote:Charm, Good morning. You wrote ''I know what you're going through totally.''
Unfortunately you actually have no idea whatsoever as to what I am going through, just as I have no idea of what you or anyone else are going through. We can only imagine and empathise.
As to the way I wrote what I did? What was wrong with that?
Perhaps as it made you angry, you need to look at yourself and the real reasons why; not me.
I am not responsible for your feelings; you are.
Oh and before you get angry over that just think about it; we, ourselves, are the only people truly responsible for how we allow ourselves to feel or do about anything though others may change our situation.
Your post isn't going to make me angry(did I say I was angry with what you wrote or did I say I'm angry with what the services have done)...Your manner isn't great though is it? Oh and please don't ask me what's wrong with your manner because I won't respond as you would need to look within to answer that in my opinion. You don't know what's wrong with your post do you? I'm not enlightening you why should I? Maybe you assume much..maybe too much?..Nevermind I can live with it.
Oh and one other thing just for clarity..in case of... :lol: When I'd mentioned 'grating on me' regard a very small part of your post I didn't mean 'cuts or bruises' or anything like that...just a very tiny little nudge more like. But thank you for that as it's given me much inspiration...
Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds creation
And earthquakes are to a girl's guitar
They're just another good vibration
And tidal waves couldn't save the world
From inner inspiration.

"Carers need to target their anger and pain appropriately if they are to effect any change."

I think this is an important point, but is open to discussion.

Yes, it's true, carers do need to target their anger and pain appropriately if they are to effect any change...BUT, the point is, at the time when they need support they are under such stress they are very often in no position to perhaps I may put it 'think rationally'.

Yes, we all know that the way to successful resolution is to 'handle the other person well and skilfully' to get the results we want - we all do this in everyday life all the time.

But the 'misdirection of anger' towards the 'hapless expert' is precisely because they 'draw the fire towards them'.

I went through a horrible horrible experience when my husband was about to be discharged from hospital in end stage cancer, basically being 'sent home to die'. I was SOOOOOOOOO angry that it had come to that! SOOOOOO angry that 'they' (ie, the doctors) were 'writing him off'. So much so that I totally lost it with his oncologist, and yelled my head off at him to get away from my husband's bed and never come near him and threw him out! (I'm sure I gave all the minion nurses a really good day - boy, they must have enjoyed seeing Mr Call Me God Consultant being yelled at!!! :) :))

I can see with hindsight that I was, probably 'clinically insane' at that point, with grief and terror, and my anger just found the first person in my line of sight to blame.

Now, the onc reacted very properly - he said 'Come and talk' and sat me down and made it 'OK' (well, OK-ish....I dont' give him total credit!)

But he understood I wasn't 'really' angry at HIM personally (part of me was, though!), but at what was happening to my husband. So, he didn't take it 'personally'.

And I say all this because even though yes, what Mick says above is true...BUT, sometimes it CAN'T be true because the beleaguered client/caree is simply not in a headspace to be in control of their reactions in the first place - which is exactly why a SW has been called in, hasn't it? If we could cope without the social workers (or doctors!) we would!

It's therefore up to the social workers to take that on board, and to be given the training to deal with it, and not take it 'personally'.
Guys and gals - (er, are we allowed to say that any more? :( ), let's all take the temperature down a bit, shall we?

I fear that we are falling into 'Internet error', as in, if we were having this debate face to face, it wouldn't be nearly as 'prickly' because we could use facial expressions, tone of voice etc, to both moderate and counterpoint the 'bare words'.

It can be hard to judge how postings 'read' as opposed to how they 'write', and I can certainly cross invisible lines in my postings that I am blithely unaware of when I write them. Sometimes I just have to take on board that, whatever my own opinion of the matter, I am, nevertheless, crossing a line I shouldn't. (Chizz!)

Anyway, in this interesting and useful debate, I am going to cast myself firmly in the role of Little Miss Reasonable, with which I shall now sign out!

KR, from LMR Jenny :)
My husband and I had 10 carees in the last 40 years. My role as carer was different in each case. There was little in common between the new born baby and the 87 year olds, other than the need for "someone" to do various jobs which they couldn't do themselves.
Social Services were involved in every case.
Whilst I appreciate that in every case it was the caree who was "the client", not me, I was still giving my time and energy to their wellbeing......and saving the LA or the NHS a fortune in the process. Under these circumstances surely we deserve more respect and support?
To focus entirely on the client, to think of his/her carer as "not the real client" is surely at the root of the problem?
Particularly when someone is suffering from "severe mental impairment" their caree would often need residential care but for the love and devotion of a family member.
Why then are our needs as carers totally ignored? Why do we have so little respect from social workers?
BB, if, as has been said here on this debate I think, several times, a SW is assigned to a particular client, ie, the caree, and cannot, because of the rules and regulations under which the SW has to operate, take into account anything in the interests of anyone other than their client (ie, the caree), and can't therefore make any 'allowances' for pressures etc on the non-client (ie, carer), then surely the only 'solution' is for the CARER to have thir OWN social worker!!

I can't see that as being a particulatly great 'solution' because of course firstly having 'another social worker' involved in a particular set up will just cost SS more money, and certainly create more paperwork (!), but also because of the risk (possibly the probability, even inevitability??) of things becoming 'adversarial' between the two social workers, as they 'battle it out' for the interests of each respective client.

This is because, bluntly and grimly, all too often the interests of the caree and that of the carer are in conflict.

It can't but be so, because it is 'in the interests' of the caree to have a carer whose time is 24x7 devoted to them, irrespective of any cost to the carer at all, whereas it is 'in the interests' of the carer not to have to care at all in the first place!

As has been illustrated in many of this forum's own 'case studies' (ie, our cumulative experiences), it is all too often ONLY when the exhausted carer has 'thrown in the towel' of caring that the SW 'pulls their fingers out' and makes alternative arrangements for their client.

It's surely not good that it has to come to that?
Social Workers should not collude with one person in a partnership.

Say for example, if one parent disagrees with the other one over the best option for a child
From my experience, social care work as a tag team to be fair and that is the problem. Sometimes when that team are in play they all join in. Upline managers to down town workers are involved. One problem there is never 1 person at the top who can be 'made accountable'. So for me these days I refuse to see 'Down town or the reserve team'.
Directing anger...no need in my case as I just direct facts upon fact to all relevant teams within the services who wish to keep the game up by refusing my son a service.
This picture below is a funny and only that...It represents a bit how I view 'the service' right now. It's just a funny...because I'm little miss........okay I'll leave that to the imagination... :lol:


The biggest mistake I have made in my life was asking Social Services for help.

If I ever am advised to get help from SS n the future, I feel inclined to refuse any involvement from them
132 posts