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who really cares?. - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

who really cares?.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Thats true. And of course some older, single people and couples choose to live in sheltered or semi-communal settings for company and protection - retirement villages, nursing and care homes, or warden-assisted very sheltered settings. Whilst others just prefer to hang on to their independence at all costs for as long as they can. Its a choice isnt it, maybe not available to all but worth considering. Do you think the very old are happier sticking it out in familiar surroundings, or moving for the greater security that might offer?
Interesting, my mother and I were discussing this this morning and both know people who, after the death of a spouse, have moved to be nearer a child and found it extremely difficult to recreate the friendships and lives which they enjoyed in their old communities and now regret moving. I think that it is very individual, some people favour their independence at all costs, some are quite happy to spend their remaining years in communities which are manufactured for the purpose and, of course, it also depends on whether or not you are already part of a community which cares enough to make sure that you are included. Me? Like my mother I would hate to give up my independence and would hang on to it at all costs which is probably the only reason I have managed to resist the temptation to mumnap my mother and have her live with us so far Image .
My mother has moved twice since my father died, first here to be near us but that was a disaster because I just couldn't fill in all the gaps left by her losing a very wide circle of friends and she just didn't like village life. Now she has moved back up to Glasgow after 30 odd years in England and of course the place is not the same, it's so busy and really very young.
Both moves have been bad imo but she wouldn't be persuaded otherwise at the time.
Sometimes there is just nothing you can do.
Vicky
maybe it was allways so,maybe,for some reason i notice these things now?.ive noticed in recent months,though,as i say,maybe i just have never seen it before,though it was there,more older people filling their days,same-faces-each day,often all day,sitting in shopping malls watching the world go by.often just hoping to converse with fellow citizens,or they talk to themselves,i seem to see a lot of that,today."I hate going home to an empty house"One senior citizen told me."I come here,to this shopping centre every day.not to shop,to be among people".its a sad world,but-then,was it allways so?.
maybe it was allways so,maybe,for some reason i notice these things now?.ive noticed in recent months,though,as i say,maybe i just have never seen it before,though it was there,more older people filling their days,same-faces-each day,often all day,sitting in shopping malls watching the world go by.often just hoping to converse with fellow citizens,or they talk to themselves,i seem to see a lot of that,today."I hate going home to an empty house"One senior citizen told me."I come here,to this shopping centre every day.not to shop,to be among people".its a sad world,but-then,was it allways so?.
Yes Maxi it has always been so but in the past people went to their local shop or pub to commune. Is that sad? I must be sad then because going down to the village and seeing what's going down and gossiping is a vital part of our lives. It's the social glue that binds communities . Newbies to the island take their 4x4's off to the town supermarkets to load up and miss out on the info- unaware of what is going on and who's who and thinking community means showing your face at a social function now and again before hiding back in their homes and blogging about themselves . No one is likely to be found rotting in their home around here because people are easily missed and a lot of us are still interested in other people and their lives. For townies the local shops and pubs have gone to be replaced by the faceless shopping malls - that is sad.
audrey and dragonlady you both make very valid points.
tobe "constructive"audrey,each day several seniors who live alone,who just love a chat,come to our shop,and,we have a cuppa,and chat a while.it helps these folks,i like the very freindly banter.

at one time,when we had family pubs,then,we did have a great comunity centre.a place to meet.
the death of many pubs social clubs etc has changed all that.
the pubs we have,here,rough dives,horrid places,are no places for seniors.
oh yes,a chat,bit-of-gossip,makes the day,and i know your right.we all need people and its tragic to see too many going down-hill due to being isolated,alone.
Of course it was. Thing is - what are you/we doing about it? anything constructive? i doubt it.
Nothing much, but I'm open to suggestions. The crumblies are always with us, and one day we will be with them. I am much too busy right now to seek them out, and no doubt one day I will walk in their shoes and others will also avoid me because they are too busy elsewhere. Not a pleasant thought, is it?
How many of us moan about the village shops, post office, pub closing, the lack of community etc, then go straight to the supermarket for the cheap booze etc. How many of us say we miss the community feel, but never use the facilitys of the village, oh to busy, but will then drive 5 or ten miles to the supermarket, struggle to park, queue at tills. never thinking of the village shop and the local people you can chat to.
Every one moans about the high streets closing, and we all go to the shopping centers bypassing the high street, the only ones to blame are us. We have the high street, but never use it, we are to busy, no time. Its the people in the community that destroy it, not on purpose, but we are busy. I always say hello to people i sit next to, or smile and nod hello, i always give up my seat and open or hold doors for people. Only the community can get the community feeling back. If enough people want it, it will happen, take awhile to say hello to the old lady or man watching the world go by, you as a person will feel better for it, as will the people you give your time to. It costs nothing except a bit of time to show you care.
hear,hear,Paulingreece.

Our local farmers market make me smile.They stop us as we walk by, wanting us to buy their food rather than supermarket. Fair enough. But then they go into Costa's for their coffee, instead of supporting local cafes.As we have also have Wetherspoons now, then how long before the few local cafes go under.(and I am afraid I am guilty too, as I like Costa's.)

Yes, I talk to people too.My children used to be embarrassed Audrey, now Katie finds that she does it.She says she is turning into me!With a baby of course, lots of people want to talk to her.
Precisely. The clock ticks. Toc Tic Toc Tic.

Also.. the crumblies i know (well!!) dont actually want too much. They dont want extended visits nor invitations out - away from their own comfy chairs and own remote control. What they (and you and me) appreciate is a smile and a sentence or two and now and then someone to listen awhile to their stories and feign interest. Not a lot to ask. Isnt that what everyone needs, whatever their age?? The elderly are not a different species.
I don't think we should have to feign interest in the stories of the elderly. I love hearing them- they are living history. I also notice how interested the elderly are in current affairs and the people around them. Are we all too busy to stand back and watch the world?