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Family Stinks. - Carers UK Forum

Family Stinks.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I am so angry at my family right now. My mother and I have done everything for my brother and his family. Helped them out with money, I've ran them around in my car. When I got a new car to take my mam and her wheelchair, my mam gave my brother my old car in place of leaving them some money in her will. My sister-in-law thinks that they've paid for it. Ha. Have they nick. To make things fair, she gave my nephew part of his share only 2-3 weeks ago. My mother has given my nephew money for looking after her for the one day every now and again that he's done it, but he gets the money every week. He's had money off my mam to pay his rent, I've run him around with his dog and helped him get his TVs with the money he got off my mam. And now he's saying he can't see to my mam because his girlfriend's gran may be dying, and this is the same gran who she didn't want to know because she was only interested in her grandson. When he confronted me this morning about it, I told him I already knew and that it didn't matter as I would look after my mam. He said that they needed a life and I said 'and I don't'. He doesn't do it every week and when he does do it it's only about an hour in the morning, and hour at lunch time and maybe about half an hour at night on a Saturday when his dad is at work (4 on 4 off shifts). And in 3 weeks time my brother is having knee surgery and has told me that he can't look after my mam. I know the others are so self centered but I though my nephew was a caring person, but I guess we got that wrong. My mam is very hurt that her family are deserting her. She feels that they only cared about my dad and now that he's gone she doesn't matter. And they don't seem to care that I am not well myself. In the last few months I have developed high blood pressure (and awful side effects of the medication I was given), type 2 diabetes, a 2-3 week long cold that is taking it out of me. This on top of not sleeping properly and probably going through the menopause at the same time. My mam is wishing she had died when my dad did and I'm wishing I could just drive off and never come back.
Oh Linda
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
It's not easy when family don't care Image Wish I could offer more advice but I'll offer more (((((HUGS)))))
Oh Linda, so sorry, family can be the pits sometimes
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks for the hugs. They do help. Image
((((((((HUGS))))))))
Have a (((HUG))) from me too Linda.

Don`t start me on families. I am an only child, married to one of 13, none of their families get along to the extent we mostly keep ourselves to ourselves now.

A very dear friend of mine said (of our caring situation) "Meg, you are so blessed being an only child as being a carer to your parent(s) you can only do your best and have no siblings to tell you it isn`t enough or where you have gone wrong." She had a much older brother who criticised everything S did for her mum, but once she went into retirement home he being retired himself was the one who was the dutiful son who always visited regularly.

Sometimes you can` t do right for doing wrong.

All you can do is your best Linda, and as long as you know you have your best no one elses opinion matters.

Take care
Meg
You can choose you friends but not your family. only wish i could. familys have no idea do they?
all i can offer is ((((((((HUGS))))))))
Thanks everyone. The elderly couple who lived next door to my mam (before they both died) had a large family, yet only one daughter was the one who looked after them. A friend of mine has a few brothers and sisters, yet she gets no help from any of them either. My mam and me thought we had a good family who cared, especially my nephew, who was always a caring person, even as a child. So it has hit us both really hard that they are abandoning us when they are needed the most. My mam has done so much for her grandson and feels really hurt by his actions. I know I do my best for my mam and she tells me that it doesn't matter what anyone else says, she thinks I'm doing a good job. It's the fact that the family who offered this help (I didn't ask them) are now the ones taking the offer back.
Hugs from me too.
My hubbies one of 7 and yet its me that runs round for his parents. On Saturaday my sil poped in and changed their clocks for them at 11.30am. So I had 2 confused 80 year olds to deal with Image
Sending (((((((((((hugs)))))))))).