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Where can I get a holiday for me, my daughter and my mum ... - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Where can I get a holiday for me, my daughter and my mum ...

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Just think about what everyone has said, they are all thinking about you, because Mairie you are the most important person in your family, without you where would they be


Very true, mairie like all other carers are the bedrock and mainstay of the family.

Cheryl x
marie im sorry but your hubby is a plank

how dare he have that little respect for u to do something like that,, if its that hard for him pack his bags and tell him to go, u would get benefits to help u out and may be better off with out him.. sorry if that sounds harsh but i think he needs a kick in to the real world and your world, u deserve a break, u deserve a holiday, so does your mum and daughter, he sounds selfish..
if u can all fit on a sofa come for a holiday at mine,, we would all help u out
Thanks everybody for your kind replies.
Now,
I have been thinking and looking out of the box. So to speak.
For instance,
If my husband were to post on here anonymously that he is a carer in dire need of a break from caring issues after he comes home from work, financially provides for us, and for 25 yrs he has never had a break .........
what would you all say..........
I think you would all say he deserves a break and to go for it.
And I agree. It will do him good to have a break.
My time will come in due course.
And,
the main thing I have come up with is that as long as the gov doesnt recognise and pay us family carers a fair wage for a fair days 'work' for doing what we do.....
nobody else will either.
Only when the gov accepts that us family carers are on an equal par with paid care workers will the gen public, family etc then accept that we are in fact working and contributing to society.
Until then, we will all stay as we are.
x
You are right, mairie, given that limited information I am sure that we would say have a break but if we found out that he had a wife who did the caring while he was at work and during the night and also had a part-time job I think that the answers would be the ones which we have previously given.

And if we were paid for caring and the person we care for will not accept help? We are just financially better off, we no longer have to worry about the bills, but nothing else has changed. Sometimes we, the people we care for, the wider family and Government and the wider public need to change too in order to improve our lives and that is a tall order and largely out of our control but we can change ourselves and how we interact with those closest to us. I know because I am an erstwhile full-time doormat who is now only a part-time doormat and still working on it Image
I think the issue here is a break for both of you, together.

The only thing I look forward to is a holiday away from caring WITH MY WIFE.

I don't want to criticize your husband or you becuase I know how he and you feel, but to my mind he should be thinking about both of you not just himself.

We all know how tough it is, going to work then coming home and starting work again, most of have done it/doing it now, but to only think of himself in this scenario??? I guess I'm with every other reply on this topic.

I know if my wife suggested she go away on her own, I'd probably agree but the locks would be changed before she came back and I would accept the same treatment if the roles were reversed.

Gerry.

And,
the main thing I have come up with is that as long as the gov doesnt recognise and pay us family carers a fair wage for a fair days 'work' for doing what we do.....
nobody else will either.
Only when the gov accepts that us family carers are on an equal par with paid care workers will the gen public, family etc then accept that we are in fact working and contributing to society.
Until then, we will all stay as we are.
x
This has got me thinking, always a bad thing. But if you readily accept the proposal from your husband how on earth do you think the govt and general public are going to be any different.
I understand how you want to keep the peace for everyone's sake but if you don't stand up for your rights in this and any other carer issue, the govt, the general public and more impoortantly your husband are never going to take you seriously and give you and every other doormat including me the recognition we deserve.

I apologise unreservedly if I'm upsetting anyone, but the first thing I learnt after becoming a carer was how to fight my corner and I will not rest until carers are recognised in their entirety for what they do.

Gerry.
I think that the point you make, Gerry, is very valid, not having our own needs recognised and met in our homes is corrosive, it is hard to have any sense of self-worth when we feel used and taken for granted and this so often happens in the caring situation albeit unintentionally and we need to be aware of our worth and articulate it to get people to listen to us.

But I also think one of the main reasons that we forget and fail to insist that our needs are met both within our families and beyond is that we are often utterly worn down by fighting for the people we care for and it is easier to capitulate than to have to find the energy to fight another battle. The second smallest word in the English language and yet the most powerful is "no", as I have used it more often I have felt less of a doormat in every aspect of my caring life.
On a lighter note....
Gerry,
if i changed the locks ,
Age concern could in theory prosecute me for neglect or something , as my husband is over 60 and classed as an elderly citizen. Therefore i am in effect, his carer too as i am under 60 .
I wont/cant /couldnt do that.
On a lighter note....
Gerry,
if i changed the locks ,
Age concern could in theory prosecute me for neglect or something , as my husband is over 60 and classed as an elderly citizen. Therefore i am in effect, his carer too as i am under 60 .
I wont/cant /couldnt do that.
your also his wife but he does not seem bothered about that.boot him out..bill
On a lighter note....
Gerry,
if i changed the locks ,
Age concern could in theory prosecute me for neglect or something , as my husband is over 60 and classed as an elderly citizen. Therefore i am in effect, his carer too as i am under 60 .
I wont/cant /couldnt do that.
Why does the victim always think it's their fault?

Words fail me.