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When The Dynamics Of A Relationship Change - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

When The Dynamics Of A Relationship Change

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.


In a way I feel like the computer is my only contact with the outside world. How sad is that ? Image
Same here Jasper Image
And here. Image

But at least the net can be fitted around strange hours and varying energy levels, unlike trying to phone or visit. And it's the only place you can to talk to people for several months before working out which genitals they possess (let alone age or ethnicity). Image
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Among the things I find very hard to cope with are the fact that you have two lives to organise, and when you are approaching 60 it gets hard enough figuring your own out! The other is loss of conversation - he's either asleep, lost in his own world or can't remember what you have said....its very lonely.

I'm only 32 myself and feel like I'm 62 and my partner feels the exact same as you. In a way I feel like the computer is my only contact with the outside world. How sad is that ? Image
Your not the only one mate. I've got 130 odd people listed in my friends list on Facebook. I've seen about 3 of them in the last year. I cant really go out for more than a couple of hours because I have to be here to help J and were both frustrated by things. She gets really angry and depressed because shes totally dependent on me.

Were hopeful that when we get a place sorted out through the council (hahaha when..)she will be able to be alot more independant. She went out on her own a week ago with a friend to play bingo, it was such a relief for me. I love seeing her do things herself and she had a really good time, but some bad experiences have put her off doing alot outside. She came off her scooter a few months ago when it flipped over, throwing her off and landing on top of her. The pavements in Salisbury are really really bad and a broken slap caused her wheel to pop up as she was cornering and it flipped. She wont use the scooter anymore.
Among the things I find very hard to cope with are the fact that you have two lives to organise, and when you are approaching 60 it gets hard enough figuring your own out! The other is loss of conversation - he's either asleep, lost in his own world or can't remember what you have said....its very lonely.
I can relate to this but I've learned to enjoy being effectively solitary. Of course I've got the cats to talk to and I do talk to them, about anything and everything, the only problem is that when you talk to the cats you look as though you're talking to yourself, I'm sure that the neighbours think I'm mad.

The problem is that over time you lose any social skills you had through lack of the opportunity to exercise them, on the rare occasions people visit I find that I have no conversation, asking about their families doesn't take an awful lot of time and the conversation dries up after that. The shared interests are merely a distant memory, I now live in an entirely different world to them, a very small world confined to the home and gardens. The realisation of our dislocation from the world outside is stark in these situations and there seems to be a lack of awareness within government and services that the opportunity to socially interact is an important aspect of remaining psychologically healthy.
I am quite happy to be at home as long as I am free to do my hobbies. I am not a great one for socialising and have always disliked taking a holiday, even as a young person! My children are more than willing to keep an eye on my husband and son if I wanted a day out, not that I do. This afternoon I have been persuaded to set up a stall selling my artwork at a church craft fair! I hate pushing myself in this way, but my children insist! My husband and son can manage to take care of themselves for the few hours I will be out.
It is very difficult for me to get out, and one of the things that Social services suggested a couple of years ago, was internet food shopping, which we did for about twelve months One day, I realised I hadn't spoken to anyone outside my family for over a week, and was horrified, so I have started doing my shopping in person again. Sometimes, I even meet a friend there for coffee!

My daughter is the only family member to be in employment, and she brings the outside world into us too. It is so easy to let go of the outside world, because caring just takes everything out of a person, physically and mentally.

I do go out once a month with other Carers, which I enjoy very much, but we are all looking at the world with the same issues.

When I had my Carers assessment done, I was offered the chance of a small amount of money, to be used as relaxation. It was all approved, and I had a course of horseriding lessons, which were the best thing I have ever done in my life.I haven't been since, I can't afford it, but I learnt a lot, I did beach riding and I met people from all walks of life and all ages. The speed of horsiding is very conducive to having a conversation with a stranger, and fulfilling a lifelong ambition for me means such a lot. I did have a problem with timing of the riding,it was very difficult to fit in,but the stables were brilliant and accommodated me wherever was most suitable for me, and twice I had an extra half hour from them. Image
"I can relate to this but I've learned to enjoy being effectively solitary. Of course I've got the cats to talk to and I do talk to them, about anything and everything, the only problem is that when you talk to the cats you look as though you're talking to yourself, I'm sure that the neighbours think I'm mad."

so glad I'm not the only one who talks to their cats Image
And the birds in the garden, and the bees, and the wasps, and the beetles, and the worms... . Perhaps I need to get out more Image Image ?
You mean you don't talk to the plants as well Image
Ummm, yes Image , is that significant Image , a sign of incipient something or other Image ? But I only say "There you go" when I water them or apologise if I tread on one, I don't converse with them like the cats, the birds, the bees, the wasps etc. Image .