When The Dynamics Of A Relationship Change

[Sarniajoy]

O.K. Let's find a bit of positive thinking here! There has to be some thing we can feel cheerful about. Today I did some gardening - wouldn't have been able to do that before. Many of us could try growing a few flowers or veggies. Then theres the career change without having to submit a lying C.V. Also I've started to make greetings cards not very good ones, well rubbish really, but I AM getting better. I'm not really the artistic type, still, come to that I'm not the caring/nursing type iether! (Some are born to Caring and others have Caring thrust upon them.) I'm the latter.

Are you on the right thread?

[D0r0thyG]

Hi Joy. I think most of us are the latter. We just do what comes naturally and before you know it, you're doing the nurse's job too!! Then one day somebody calls you a "carer" and you say "what's that?"

Then you look into it a bit more and realise you're not the only one. There are others in the same situation as you! Thousands more...

[D0r0thyG]

Sarniajoy, I think Joy means if her OH hadn't have become her "caree", then she wouldn't be doing half of what she does. She'd let him do it. Me too. But I became a motor mechanic, plumber, electrician, gardener, painter and decorator as well as nurse, cook, cleaner etc etc. when my OH couldn't do it any more I had to but it's made me a better person and extremely knowledgeable.

[Sarniajoy]

Sarniajoy, I think Joy means if her OH hadn't have become her "caree", then she wouldn't be doing half of what she does. She'd let him do it. Me too. But I became a motor mechanic, plumber, electrician, gardener, painter and decorator as well as nurse, cook, cleaner etc etc. when my OH couldn't do it any more I had to but it's made me a better person and extremely knowledgeable.

Fortunately my husband can still do the gardening which was his hobby before his illness. All the other DIY stuff except the decorating, which I do, is done by our kids or professionals.

I have my hobbies, digital art, poetry and writing children's stories, which keep me from total insanity or killing my husband!

[Jasper]

Its nice to see that some people have family to fall back on. Unfortunately I dont have that luxury. She has 2 brothers and a sister who both work, her father is elderly, my parents are both unable to help and she also has a daughter and a son who both have said they'd help but never follow up on it.

She's lost all contact with her "friends" and mine have basically dwindled away to nothing. Its basically me and her against the world.

[BigRob]

I know where your comming from Jasper,

When I left uni most of my uni mates drifeted away. Me and J's older friends from back home all started drifting too. Some of them just stopped talking to us and blanking us in the street, a couple even found it funny that J was in a chair now. Some speak to us and are all nice but then dont see us again if we run into them. Now that I dont do any fo my old hobbies, I dont see my friends from them either. Its quite a lonley thing caring and J is adamant she doenst want to go to a "Group". The Social worker was talking about people who come in and chat with you to stop you getting bored, but its meant for older people and J considers that sort of thing patronising.

[Debbie]

Hi Everyone,

Everything changed for me about 18 months ago up until then my husband had taken sole charge of everything.
I then had to give up a full-time job as my husband suffered with PTSD & Depression he was so poorly we never left the house for 8months I felt trapped I soon learnt to do online shopping with the help of my daughter she helped with sorting out my bills filling in forms.

Friends what are friends!!! & family are just as bad you wouldn't think he has 7 brothers & sisters
as long its not happening to them they are not interested. They always say to me if you need me just call but they know I wont ring them.

Sorry for moaning but yes I do Know what you mean as I now have to do everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but I wouldn't swap him for the world.

Take care Deb x

[Jasper]

I know where your comming from Jasper,

When I left uni most of my uni mates drifeted away. Me and J's older friends from back home all started drifting too. Some of them just stopped talking to us and blanking us in the street, a couple even found it funny that J was in a chair now. Some speak to us and are all nice but then dont see us again if we run into them. Now that I dont do any fo my old hobbies, I dont see my friends from them either. Its quite a lonley thing caring and J is adamant she doenst want to go to a "Group". The Social worker was talking about people who come in and chat with you to stop you getting bored, but its meant for older people and J considers that sort of thing patronising.

I'm only 32 myself and feel like I'm 62 and my partner feels the exact same as you. In a way I feel like the computer is my only contact with the outside world. How sad is that ?

[D0r0thyG]

In a way I feel like the computer is my only contact with the outside world. How sad is that ?

Same here Jasper

[Sarniajoy]

Reading other people's posts I realise just how fortunate I am.