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When the caring role ends - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

When the caring role ends

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I've lost various carees, can't say anyone was bothered about me at all. When I went to the GP saying I was comfort eating and didn't know how to stop it, his advice came in two words, Eat Less. That was the sum total of all the "support" I got. Now I've put on a further two stone. So what practical steps can be taken to help former carers like me, now mum has died and I have more time? (Still have my son with SLD though). I'd suggest things like free or subsidised gym admission, opportunities for yoga or pilates perhaps, even free/cheap cinema card. Cheaper entry to the National Trust. Ways we can get out and gradually join in the community again. No way in the world am I going to volunteer to do any more work!
BB - the government would be very keen for you to become a 'professional care-worker' now, given all your experience. Apparently they are very short of them.....can't think why....
Jenny, the second word is OFF!!! It won't take much to work out what the first one is.
Yes and we also know that there are those who would not be dismissive of this..as was shown by a previous thread about that very subject.

Sorry if I upset the apple cart but why do people presume to know what's the best thing for others to do, what's the "right" way? That goes from posting on here to what others want to do when their caring role ends? How about letting people decide for themselves? Because if we insist on categorising, nobody would want to be a careworkers, people should "offer" their posts on the forum then in making assumptions about what is the right way, are we any better than the government/political parties/NHS bigwigs we all despise?

Support yes. Decide what people should do? Wrong, on all counts.
Maybe this is a bit tasteless but I have a yard long list of things I am lining up to do when my circumstances change. The last thing I need is people telling me how to fill my day. All I need is more hours in each day- oh yes and more energy LOL.
Ladybird, Jenny and I exchange emails on a regular basis, we have shared our thoughts on many occasions. I took the comment as being her particular comment for me, hence my rather flippant response. However, maybe other "redundant carers" would like to join in this thread. What would they have liked help/concessions with as they come to terms with their situation, once caring has come to an end?
If we don't want to be categorised or patronised, then it's really important that individuals are proactive and actually come out and say "I would like ... to help me" rather than reject the ideas which are put forward supposedly on their behalf. Whilst I'm still a part time carer, and I'm still doing the tidying up paperwork after mum's death, my overwhelming feeling at the moment is one of regret over the things I've missed out on during the last few years. Most of all, I've missed so much of my grandson's babyhood, although he lives in my house, I've never been able to do the things I dreamed of doing, because I was first emptying and selling my brother's house after he developed cancer and died; then I was even busier emptying out mum's house, a hoarder extraordinaire, as well as visiting her in hospital and later the nursing home, lurching from crisis to crisis; whilst trying to get reliable care for my son. My grandson now pounces on me whenever he thinks he's got a chance of attention, but I've missed out on so much. So what would other former carers like to help them?
Do you know, Bowlingbun, I have absolutely no idea. For years I have been like Henrietta, frantically wishing for more hours in the day, and longing just for what most people take for granted. And now I have been granted my wish thanks to redundancy and mum's death. And yet .... I have all the time in the world and no inclination to do any of it. I am rootless and aimless. In fact, I long to go back in time but perhaps be a better daughter, more patient etc.

And yes, I too comfort eat. Discounted gym would be good. But what I most certainly don't want is more contact with doctors. Thanks to caring for mum, I know the local hospital better than the staff who work there. The only dept I haven't visited is maternity!

I take Ladybird's point though. We are all so different. I am not sure what support could be provided on an official / organised level.
I have always been more than thankful for all the help we were given so therefore as my late wife's legacy I am happy to carry on as a volunteer on many fronts to repay what we received and in an attempt to improve things for others. The thoughtless attitude of surgeries when the Caring role finishes and the support that is still needed by the ex Carer is now being taken to the RCGP's for discussion as by persistence it has now been recognised.
Never been bereaved, Les, so I usually dodge these discussions, but all I can offer you is a sort of clumsy virtual man hug, if that makes sense. Or a cyber-beer.
Blokes are OK really, pubs, betting shops, football clubs, bowling clubs, there are lots of ways of engaging with other men, and whilst we don't witter on about feelings like women, we can offer other forms of matesy support.
I quite like my dog actually, you meet lots of nice people walking the dog. ;)