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When is a nursing home the kindest option? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

When is a nursing home the kindest option?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Jenny she has been in pads for a few years now. She needs hoisting so that the carers can clean her and stop her sitting in her own mess. She is completely immobile due to agonising arthritis in her knees and no muscles due to not using them and not wanting to do physio. Poor thing. At least we have a laugh and talk about and to the dogs.

She does get very confused, often muddling real life and whats on the tv.

She is still very sweet and loving to me thankfully.
Nursingnis defo better for you. they wont give you the 1-1 youre use to. can be tricky if youre not use to waiting your turn in queue meaning daily activities can take longer to achieve.
Jacqueline, at some point, mum's situation will change, there will be some sort of crisis, a "life changing moment" when the current situation HAS to change.
As mum's condition deteriorates further, which with age it will, then a nursing home will become the ONLY OPTION left.
As you have POA, then mum's money should be used to keep her as comfortable as possible, and that means buying in extra care from her money so that her main carer, i.e. you, keep as well as possible as long as possible.
If you have been assessed as needing 3 hours off a week by SSD, that should be written in your Carers assessment. Are they going to pay, as it's a service for you, not mum?
Every extra week you keep mum home, out of a nursing home, you save over £1,000, so why quibble over £80? Try to think differently, think of it as an investment, to save over £920 a week.
Good Heavens, do they really have to hoist her up to clean her??? I'm sure they didn't do that every time with my MIL, but who knows? (she was in a nursing home). Surely one could be 'rolled sideways'? Or changed 'like a giant baby having a nappy change'?

It seems SO drastic to have to yank the poor woman up and down - no wonder she hates it! (I might well try and bite someone who did that to me constantly!!!!!!)
I tend to agree with BB that the most likely scenario is a crisis of some sort, which 'bumps them down a level' after which 'care at home' just becomes impossible.

That might occur 'at any time', but of course is unpredictable.

I definitely think, in the meantime, that it is wise for you to start sussing out possible care homes. They do vary, and you will 'know' when you find a good one. Remember to look not for 'flash surroundings' (lots of those types up here in the Home Counties - they are designed to please 'guilty families' not the residents themselves!), but for the attitude of the staff, the general atmosphere of the place, and whether a programme of activities etc is routinely laid on.
In a past life I visited lots of nursing and care homes. It's easier than you think to choose. If staff are friendly, smile, look you in the eye, are proud of their premises, it smells nice and the food looks/smells good, then that covers most things.


Find out basic details like cost before you visit, then draw up a short list of possibles, and visit one at a time, and make notes on each one. If mum has always loved gardening, hated traffic noise, or similar, then that might be another consideration.

Compare each one with her room at home, which presumably she can never leave now? From what you have written, be sure to get an NHS Continuing Healthcare Checklist Assessment as soon as possible though, and check that the homes you consider will take CHC patients.
I would hope in a nursing home she would be 'mobilised' with the kind of 'padded wheeled armchair' that my MIL was wheeled around in. It was incredibly comfortable, and she could be in it all day. It got her out of her room and into the main residents lounge where everything was 'happening'.
Thanks all. Yes at home does give her more 1 to 1 care but she is getting slowly more muddled..

Jenny hoisting and turning both agitate her very much.

Bowlingbun I will be looking round homes once I get some time off organosed.

I get what you guys are saying re a home becoming necessary. I guess its a wait and wonder time atm.

Her mobility is non existant bit needs more things wrong to be eligible for chc funding.

Wonder if dementia (which vanished when the mental health nurse came over) would win her any chc points?! More exciting research coming up.

To top it all off the carers who were supposed to start tomorrow told me this mornong that they cant start til the new year!!!!!

Crt will continue til I find someone but want me to do so asap. Stress stress stress

Mother unable to make herself go when on the commode and then desperate for a poo when the carers go. Haveing meds but no luck so far. Ahhhh
CHC for dementia? Google Grogan case CHC dementia and you should find it, also look at NHS CARE INFO website.
Hi this is my very first post so apologise if I've done this wrong. I live with my mum she is 83 and has poor mobility and balance issues. I'm 47 and work 4 days a week. This is a local authority house and is in her name. I've just been told that our current care provider cannot continue and the social worker has informed us if they can not find another provider from their supplier list. She will have to go into a home..my mother refuses to go as she has been in her home 50 years and also grieving for her son who died Dec last year. Please any advice and help would be appreciated.