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What to do? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

What to do?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.


With regard to slamming the doors, IF this is true, is to fit door closers so it is impossible to slam the door. The more we discuss this the more I feel the neighbour needs counselling! Or is totally self focussed.
The neighbour could also be offered a home move.
If you have positive proof that the carers don't arrive until much later than 6:00 am, then the rest of the neighbours complaint just falls apart due to lying/inaccuracy/exaggeration or whatever you want to call it.
Thank you all for your helpful responses. Unfortunately things have got a lot worse today.

As I arrived at my fathers flat I could hear the neighbour complaining about my father to a mutual friend in the communal area. I suggested that we meet together to discuss the issues. She said she’d prefer to speak there and then. She said my father had too many visitors, the carers and district nurses were coming at 6am and banging the communal front door. I said according to our sign in sheets no one had arrived before 7 but I had asked them to try and be quieter and consider our neighbours.

She also said my father was keeping her awake at night /the early hours with the TV . I said he went to bed every night at 6/7pm (the carers help him and then go) and had headphones that were plugged into the Tv so there can’t be any noise from the TV. She then said his coughing and breathing were too loud and keeping her awake and ‘must be dealt with’. I’m afraid I started crying at this point and said we’d love them to be dealt with but they can’t be. She said they have to be or he must leave. At this point I said we should end the conversation and let the warden deal with the issues.

I then called the warden. She said she was sympathetic to us but had to investigate the noise complaint. I said about the sound proofing but she said as it’s a listed building she didn’t think it would be possible. She suggested we move out or that we could move the living room and bedroom around but this will mean my father has much further to walk to go to the toilet and shower and increase the likelihood of falls/ he’s already exhausted with the heart and kidney failure. She suggested we get a commode which I can do. However no matter what we do I don’t think that neighbour will be happy until we have gone. We can’t help the number of carers and health workers he has - he is disabled and dying.
Skip the warden.
Speak with the housing officer and/or both area manager.
Get them to visitor the neighbour and listen to the so called noises.
Obviously, they can't be there early mornings. You have evidence for that part anyway. They can however listen to the TV volume and equipment noise from the neighbours side. Through the party wall etc.
You must NOW A.S.A.P contact the CAB.
Be clear with the land lord/warden that your family will not tolerate further harassment.
You are seeking legal advice.
The housing Association can offer the neighbour alternative accommodation. I take it there is a guest room on scheme.
Look at your father tenancy agreement ...
it will state unsocial behaviour some where this works both ways. Turn that clause around to them.
Make contact NOW with you local MP. You would be surprise how people back away.
(((HUGS))) first of all.

I would suggest that you get a "spy camera" and put it in the flat so you can record everything, and have irrefutable evidence about arrivals, departures and noise levels.
Oh Faye, you certainly don't need this harassment! I'd rather like to suggest they put the soundproofing in the woman's room and at her expense. She's the one with the alleged problem. You've got proof she's wrong about the times of the visits, told her your dad doesn't have the tv on loud so then she switches her argument to breathing. Next it'll be noisy bed linen.

I wouldn't be in a big hurry to pay for soundproofing, it could be interpreted as admitting to a problem that hasn't yet been verified.

As Sunnydisposition and others have said, your father has legal rights that need be respected. The warden is looking for an easy way out. She's out of line to suggest he moves. She hasn't even investigated yet! No clue on tenancy law either.

By the way, does your father pay his own rent, or is he on the local authority rate?
Thank you so much for all your advice and support. The warden has texted me today to say she can’t deal with the complaint and would like us both to write tibthe Trustees to put our views forward. I’m really anxious and not sure how best to approach it/ what to say- the consequences of getting it wrong seem so enormous. Please keep your fingers crossed that it lands the right way.