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What should I ask? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

What should I ask?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Thanks all, good points. It has to be a Nursing Home. Mum has very little sight and no mobility. I think dementia is setting in but appears to be time of day related and also depends on the state of her bladder. (UTI frequently). She couldn't sit in a room full of unresponsive 'bodies' but isn't bed bound and will need help getting around and someone to talk to. I'm visiting somewhere this pm and have an appointment at the one I like best so far, tomorrow. Wish me luck. However how soon it will all happen, or even at all, I don't know.
Suggest you check that they take dementia as well - some don't.

I remember this stage vividly. I visited about 15! Have a read of this and look at the checklist:

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/home-and-care/c ... care-home/

Ultimately it is subjective. Read the CQC report and also the local Health Watch Reports before going. If you find one you like the look of, do NOT make an appointment. Just turn up and ask to look around, preferably at different times of the day. I also lurked around car parks and asked relatives what they thought. I learned a lot that way!

Don't forget about availability. It is little point choosing a care home which has a six month waiting list as I almost did.

Ask what happens if mum gets worse. Do they do end of life care at the home or would mum have to move to another home if bedbound etc?

When it comes to moving, make sure that mum's clothes are all easy wash and labelled. You do not need to sew the labels in; I used Stikins which were excellent.

Good luck, a difficult time but ask away, we have all been there.
Anne x
I visited another (BUPA as it happens) Home close to me this afternoon, with a friend. Dropped in unannounced and found the reception area rather like a hotel and the lady at the desk very professional. All went rapidly downhill after that and I got out of there as quickly as possible without being rude to the kind lady who was showing us round. Cross that one off the list then.
Like the lurking in the car park idea. Will try that one. Thanks for all hints. All very welcome and added to my list.
All the homes seem to be geared toward the elderly - there seems to be zero provision for younger disabled people even to give us parents a break...

Hi Eun,
That is hard. I don't know how I would begin to cope with a child who needed so much care. I'm completely ignorant obviously, but is this something that Carers UK could start a campaign about? There may be as many parent carers, or more, as there are carers for the elderly parent, and it's sheer discrimination that the provision isn't available. Those of us with elderly parents, long and hard as the road is, do at least have a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Parent carers however must see the end of the tunnel as a dark place where either their child predeceases them or will be left without the care they have had all their lives. Soul crushing. Wish I had a magic wand.