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Carers UK Forum • Well Xmas was awful!
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Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 1:57 am
by Jess_1612
Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been away for ages (again!) - things have not been great. My husband is slowly getting worse with all his conditions and slipping into a depression.

I'm really upset tonight as had a really bad couple of weeks. Firstly, Xmas was a nightmare. My husband and I were meant to be having a nice, relaxing first Xmas in our new house. It was to be our first Xmas on our own ever (he is too ill to travel and we thought it would be nice to just be the two of us anyway). I had been preparing for ages and getting quite excited. Well, Xmas Eve rolls around and my husband gets very ill, he is Immuno-suppressed and seemed to have a bad cold. Then on Xmas day, he got so bad he could barely breathe. So our Xmas day was an emergency ambulance into the local A&E with him on air and getting lots of tests done. Fortunately, it wasn't pneumonia or anything that needed admittance, but, still, a very nasty chest infection. Well, no proper Xmas day for us.

So, he continues to be ill and gets worse even after a course of antibiotics. So our new year's Day was spent again in hospital, but this time waiting around at the out of hours GP. Only to be told he now has a viral infection and there is nothing much they can do except give him inhalers to help with the inflammation . Not a great start to the year.

Then, today, we found out that a close friend of ours, who had been ill for years and is only our age (30s) passed away after a heart attack. My husband is distraught and I am really down.

Just feel sometimes the world is against us you know?

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:14 pm
by jenny lucas
Oh Lord, what a saga! Things that go wrong over the Xmas period always hit so, so much harder......

Not sure what 'comfort' to say, as there isn't much available in the situation, but I guess one thing is that, 'horrible' though it sounds to say it, YOU two are both still safe, so to speak, however poorly your husband it......that doesn't make it the slightest better for your poor friend, but it is something to bear in mind all the same (as in, would you swap places with her?????)

Apart from that blow, I guess the thing now to focus on is getting your husband's health back to 'full strength' (for him) again, though it may take a bit of a long haul at this grim time of year. But at some point the infection WILL pass, and he will be feeling stronger again. So I wonder whether you can plan a 'delayed Xmas' so to speak, obviously not Xmas itself, but something nice for a fortnight's time (or whatever) to cheer you both up. I know Burn's Night comes up at the end of January, if that is any use to you, and there is certainly Valentine's Day in mid Feb, but really, you don't need an external occasion, just something that you both decide on to make a 'special time' for yourselves. There is always Twelfth Night on the 6th Jan, but that might be a bit too soon.....

Midwinter is always a grim time, and when things go wrong they do seem worse at this time of year, but spring DOES come in the end - it always does. After my husband died in midwinter, someone I know gave me a beautiful hand embroidered bookmark that read 'Winter Always Turns to Spring' - it's a very simple and 'obvious' thing to say, but is true for all that.

And it is good that we are now past the winter solstice and, slowly but surely, the days ARE getting longer......

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:22 pm
by Rosemary_1706
Christmas can be a really hard time, even without illness and trips to a&e. Illnesses just don't go away for Christmas and a&e rooms are getting overwhelmed with demand these days..

I do hope your husband gets over the infection. Perhaps the doctor may be able to prescribe something for the depression that will help ease that a little.

Please try and take care of yourself too. Hopefully, you'll be able to settle into your home in the new year. Wishing you all the best.

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 6:18 pm
by MrsAverage
Hi Jess
Many of us had had this nasty cold/flu/viral thingy too and it did stop Christmas for many of us. It does seem to be lingering too so dont worry too much if he doesnt perk up any time soon. I had 2 days where I felt better but then 3 more where I was grotty again

So sorry about your friend, but it is ok to feel down and sad, that normal and natural.

I echo the advice to put in place a couple of nice things to look forward to, this year will get better


Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 8:35 pm
by Melly1
(((Jess))) I echo what Mrs A says, I had the lurgy and know quite a few others who did too. It's not something folk are getting over quickly. You definitely need to put Christmas behind you and plan a few nice things to look forward to, once he is over the lurgy.


Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 8:46 pm
by bowlingbun
Even if it's a viral infection there's lots you can do to minimise the effects.
A slightly moist steamy atmosphere certainly helps, I often do the ironing with a steam ironing when I'm suffering from a cold. Failing that, a cheap facial steamer helps, or a bowl of steamy water with some Vick vapour rub and a towel over his head. Boots do a decongestant for kids which is great for adults too.
I've recently used some of the stuff called "First Defence" nasal spray, to keep colds at bay (5 year old grandson seems to have colds most of the time) but for some reason my sinuses are better now than they've been for a long, long time. Not sure what this stuff is doing, but its' doing something!

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 6:54 pm
by Jess_1612
Thanks for all your replies everyone! I was just having a bad few days and needed to vent. You guys are great to chat to when that happens! :)

We have a friend visiting at the end of January, so might do an Xmas 'do over' then. At least make a posh meal and have a few drinks (well my husband's will be non alcoholic - but found an amazing recipe for a non-alcoholic cocktail - a white russian - my husband's favourite!).

I'll try the steam and see if that helps too!

I think the thing that is really getting my husband down now is that is knows he won't be able to make the funeral. He's too ill to travel and try lived pretty far away.I was thinking we could have a little 'memorial' to her here. Just an evening together reminiscing and looking at old photos etc.

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:22 pm
by MrsAverage
Hi Jess
Re funeral , could someone there do a 'livestream' or video to send you ? im sure they'd understand if hubby can't travel but technology might have its uses.

Your own memorial is a good idea too.

Do look after yourself too, this bug is nasty, I've given it my son, so do be careful infection wise

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:37 pm
by Jess_1612
So far - touch wood - I haven't got any bugs. Just exhausted from stress and running about and taking my hubby to hospital appointments first thing 3 days in a row this week! You don't get them for weeks/months then they all come at once :) I'm trying to keep myself healthy at the moment to try and avoid it.

I may look into seeing if anyone can use live streaming or something. May be a possibility if they are ok with it. I'm thinking I may also look into me going on my own to just 'represent' us both, so to speak. I want to show our love for her and make an appearance if possible.

Re: Well Xmas was awful!

Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:38 pm
by Jess_1612
Also,I hope your son feels better soon!