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Viewing your caree - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Viewing your caree

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi Booksey

No I don't think that makes you mean. I think it makes you human. It sounds like you are dealing with a difficult situation and feeling resentful sometimes is very understandable. Also it must make it harder to come to terms with what has and is happening if you are worrying about how your husband's problems are affecting other people you love in your family.

I love your strap line. But i have to be honest, although i aspire to accepting serenely the things i cannot change, the truth is i am more resigned than accepting and in the past i have raged against them. It's not easy this life thing is it?

sending you my very best wishes
Belle x
Belle that was a wonderful way to discribe things Image You can really tell the love you feel for your husband come through on that post Image

Booksey no that does not make you mean. It makes you human. We are carers not saints or any image of perfection. We are allowed to be frustrated / upset with things.
Belle thanks for the kind words.
The strap line is from AA (I'm not clever enough to come up with stuff like that). I came accross it when dealing with a relative with alcoholism it helps me sometimes to recite it
I see my boys as my boys, never though do I think autism is part of who they are, my oldest and higher functioning would be horrified if I viewed autism in the same way as his blue eyes, and youngest is so severe I would be doing him a huge disservice to say autism is what he is about.
I care for my son with both physical and mental health problems. He is my son first who has problems when he is having a bad day it can be very hard, when he was younger he was happy go lucky even though he was unable to walk, he has cerebral palsy, schizophrenia/bi polar well that's the latest diagnosis I sometimes get brief glimpses of that happy go lucky little boy with his huge grin. He may have many needs and these can be hard to deal with, I just try and make the best of the good days and hold on to those happy memoires. Hugs for everyone shazi.
He's Mark. he's a grumpy ol' git but he's mine.

As Mark would say "I may have Parkinsons but Parkinsons doesn't have me"
As Mark would say "I may have Parkinsons but Parkinsons doesn't have me"
Fantastic! Image
Belle, what you wrote was like reading my own story...

My hubby John and I had been together nearly 13 years when he had the brain haemorrhage in 2001 which dramatically changed our lives, I called him my 'man in a million' as it felt like I'd had to meet a million men before finding him, btw he's my second husband and he used to call me his 'special lady' while he called his ex wife 'dragon' lol can't print here what I call my ex husband rofl... John was a gifted organist, keyboard player, bass guitarist and composer, he composed a musical for church and romantic music for me, the first one he composed for me he called 'special lady' but now it makes me cry if I hear it as those days are long gone, unfortunately he can no longer play...

John was a strong gentleman, thoughtful, perseptive, attentive, loving and protective, he was my soul-mate and excellent husband, he was the only man in my life who earned and had the respect of my father, but since the haemorrhage and subsequent brain damage he's became isolated, anti social, morose, defensive and needs protecting as if he was a child and I were his mother...

My difficulty is alternating between his old memories when he comes across as 'normal' and the new person he became 10 years ago, it really confuses and upsets me that I lost the man he was yet he's still here looking very much the same on the outside if that makes any sense, anyone who meets him for first time or only chats with him for 10 minutes wouldn't necessarily have a clue he's not what and who he used to be, unfortunately his own grown up children think he's deliberately being like he is and they've walked out of his life, their loss!!

I do still love him very much and wouldn't hurt him for all the world but now I'm just his companion, carer, accountant, nurse, mother and protector and Iike others here I have to make all the big decisions... he has no ability to show romantic gestures though we do still laugh together at times usually at his old jokes lol, nowadays I try very hard not to think about the pre haemorrhage days or I'll end up in tears and suffering the poor me syndrome, I just have to roll up sleeves and get on with it especially knowing that John wouldn't have let me down if the roles had been reversed...
Sometimes when i read a post on this forum i wish i was face to face with the person who has posted because what they are dealing with is a big thing and I dont know what I can say that means anything but when you are face to face with someone you can show someone that you hear what they are saying and that you understand and words dont matter so much.

Sometimes it stops me posting anything but I wanted you to know Ginny,inadequate though this feels ,.I understand x
Belle, i feel too that im not very good with the written word, but i try my best, i think a few words of comfort, just to know someone is there and understands really helps.

In real life, im everyones agony aunt, never open up myself, but i am good at giving face to face advice..just not great at getting it down in written form .

Ginny..( hugs ) xx