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Vanishing friends and family - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Vanishing friends and family

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
There was an ad on TV a few years ago that suggested that the average human farts about 15 times a day.

It's nice to I'm well above average in something! Image Image
No that can't be right. I fart WAY more often than that Image Image Image
It's no wonder your friends and family have vanished! Image Image Image Image Image
My mother and law moved in with us a year ago and we have been bumbling down the rocky road of care. Socialising is really difficult - as one of us really needs to be home (although we do get some weekly respite my mother in law isn't keen on this - so it all becomes a bit difficult).
My mother in law has three daughters and only one really visits - the others like to 'drop in and surprise her' but this really stresses me as I have to be on hand to provide accommodation, cuppas and food at the drop of a hat. I have raised this but it just seems to cause more stress.
Our friends understand and thats lovely but we I miss doing things on the spur of the moment. If I am really honest I miss my husband and I being able to spend time together. Socialising is important but I haven't solved this for us yet. If anyone has any tips/suggestions they will be gratefully received.
Sylvia, if you are living in your own home, then talk to your husband,ask him to back you up with his sisters,and he must say to them,"this is our home,we are looking after Mum, but I am afraid we cannot ask you in if you do not let us know first.We do not want surprise visits."
If they are offended, that is their hard lines.You are the ones doing the caring, you DO need to know.
Please be honest with them, if only to help yourself. (after all, your friends understand. )
Good luck, easier said than done, I know.
A small modification of Lazydaisy's approach, which might mollify the sisters a little - 'We think it is really important you visit Mum as often as you can, but it is making life even more difficult for us when you turn up unexpectedly (say why in as much detail as you feel necessary). It would really help if you could arrange an hour or two to keep her company so that we can do the things we cannot usually do. We shall put things ready so you can make a cup of tea.' Or something along those lines...
my friends have been great and support me and my daughter all the way.
my family on the other hand have been a joke to be honest!
ive tried explaining why my daughter acts the way she does but they just dont listen and arnt willing to learn which anoys me the most!
my mun (daughter gran parent) doesnt phone or visit even though we have been through a hard time over the last few months. my sister is the same (who lives 10 mins away) and all she does if we do see her is talk about how good her children are.
they dont understand at all, dont offer to help and give us no support. to be honest ive washed my hands of them because to me that is not what family is all about and if they can be like that with a 11 year old child who has a condition then there not worth knowing!
like i said though i have great friends and a brill partner so its not all bad. thats all me and my daughter need! Image