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Update on Dad - and next Xmas - Page 8 - Carers UK Forum

Update on Dad - and next Xmas

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
136 posts
Absolutely fuming with the pair of idiots who have now backed out of the whole idea. Spoke to Dad last night. They'd told him the other day they were going to do it, he was really pleased, yesterday they made some b@llshit excuse why she can't do it after all!

Strangely, shortly after I pointed out that the deal with the government benefit is only £64 a week and its expected 35 hours of caring!

I think she expected two visits a week to do his shopping and several £100s easy money...

Absolutely fuming with both of them. Why on earth come up with stupid ar@e ideas, tell Dad and then back out?

One plus though. Dad did say "yes but even if she can't do it full time, and get money for it, she has said shes got plenty of spare time anyway these days because shes not got much work on. So I asked her if she wouldnt' mind helping out more anyway since shes got the time".

Cheered me up a bit. :-) Backfired a little shall we say....
No surprise there then Paul!
bowlingbun wrote:
Thu Jan 24, 2019 9:30 am
No surprise there then Paul!
If Im honest I could see it happening but they've caused more hassle now by offering without finding out the information.
Hes now convinced that "someone" needs to be his carer.

How on earth can a grown adult be so thick as to offer to do something for someone without finding out the facts first?

Its also proven that she isn't really a saint and was more interested in the easy money...
Let her give it a go - she may abandon it!

the main thing though, as you've highlighted, is that YOU don't get to 'pick up the pieces' when she decides she's had enough, or use you to do the 'heavy lifting' part of caring!

on the bright side, it might work out brilliantly! I would enjoy the 'honeymoon' period, and you now have the wonderful mantra to quote to him:

'Well, now that xx is being paid to look after you, SHE is the one who has to do it all!'.....!
jenny lucas wrote:
Fri Jan 25, 2019 12:02 pm
Let her give it a go - she may abandon it!

the main thing though, as you've highlighted, is that YOU don't get to 'pick up the pieces' when she decides she's had enough, or use you to do the 'heavy lifting' part of caring!

on the bright side, it might work out brilliantly! I would enjoy the 'honeymoon' period, and you now have the wonderful mantra to quote to him:

'Well, now that xx is being paid to look after you, SHE is the one who has to do it all!'.....!
Yes Im going to leave her too it now. Shes trying to get herself out of it now. Told Dad "Forget I said anything". Easier said than done with my Dad. He now knows she "can" do it - thats enough for him to enrol anyone in a lifetime of slavery for him. Well, she made her bed... Its quite funny to be honest.

Only negative I can see is if Brother/SIL go on holidays. Dad is going to be saying "xxx is away. Can you come up instead?". Not going to happen but he'll expect it I can guarantee. And so will brother/SIL - the idea will be she does it all year so why can't you doa week or two.
Some disgraceful behaviour by Dad......

He had an opticians appt this week. He hinted about 10 times for me to take him. (Nope I aint taking 1/2 day off work). So I said:-

1) Get a taxi. Its 1/2 mile it'll be easy. Let me know if you want me to book it. Answer - Not wasting money on taxis.
2) Take you're scooter. Answer - they wont let me in the shop with it so I can't. (Yes they will).

So his cousin rings me (call him my uncle). The one whos 3 years younger than him. Dad had cajoled him into pushing him (up and down a steep hill as well) in his manual wheelchair. He even tried to tell Dad half way that he was struggling but Dad insisted he had to go to opticians..... It had made him ill afterwards and he wanted me to tell Dad he cant do it in future.

Quite why his cousin didnt just say no I'll never know. My Dad could do with a bit of this. Quite why I get dragged into it I'll never know.

Ashamed of Dad at the moment. What a way to treat people...... He gets worse and worse...
The neediness that comes with old age seems to come with built in selfishness.

Well done for standing firm. Just need your uncle to get brave now!
Jacqueline_180912 wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:01 pm
The neediness that comes with old age seems to come with built in selfishness.

Well done for standing firm. Just need your uncle to get brave now!
Tell me about it. He comes over as such a sweet helpless old man then people get his measure. Unfortunately the rest of the family mollycoddle him.

Had a text from my dear brother this morning.

It seems he goes to see Dad on a Saturday am to do shopping for him and go to the betting shop. Then Dad gets me to do more shopping for him on a Sunday. Not sure why the need for two lots of shopping (or why it has to be done weekly or why he can't have it delivered). Well OK I do its so he can blackmail me to visit him.

So I get - "Can't do Dads shopping Saturday or go to betting shop for him. Can you do it instead?" Jeez - he takes the biscuit. My wife is working Saturday, so I've got our 5 year old. I might have to pop into the office for a few hours (if I can get babysitter!). And daughter has got gymnastics at 11am, party at 1pm (which I need to be back from office for). Yet I've got to do drive 20 miles to do his shopping on Saturday now it seems (I was planning to visit Sunday anyway).

My brothers commitments at the weekend. No kids, no work at weekends, partner doesn't work. Lives a mile away from Dad.

Not going to happen!!!! And when I told him no can do the cheeky **** has had the nerve to say I never agree to do anything for Dad!!!!
!!!!! How utterly infuriating.
Jacqueline_180912 wrote:
Wed Feb 13, 2019 12:24 pm
!!!!! How utterly infuriating.
Honestly, it defies belief sometimes that people do these things for my Dad. You start off then its set in stone with him and SOMEONE has to do it. This is about the 5th time that someone elses offer has been passed onto me.

I've told him no can do. Dad won't be happy but he can do one as well. He wants someone to put a bet on for him in the betting shop too. I'll offer to do it online for him but can GUARANTEE he'll refuse that offer. That's what he does - if you offer an alternative he declines it. I dont care he go without then.

Same with shopping. He already plays the "like the food in morrisons" card with me. Because he knows there a morrisons by my house (and none within 10 miles of his house). I don't quite understand why he gets brother to do shopping (probably tesco) on a saturday and me on a sunday though. Obvious playing games here.
136 posts