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Update on Dad - and next Xmas - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

Update on Dad - and next Xmas

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
136 posts
Re falling downstairs, well, if he does, he does. Not your responsibility. And, you know, if he does, and it 'hastens the end' then maybe both he, and you, will be spared a 'worse decline'. I only have to visit my poor 93 MIL with advanced dementia to know that had she died three years ago she would have been spared a living purgatory.....
Completely agree Jenny- Dad fell down the stairs 5 years ago and lived to tell the tale, since then , leg ulcers, pressure sores, constant UTIs, dementia, sepsis,loss of mobility, back pain, delierium, incontinence for various periods of time. Not an existence you would wish on anyone never mind your Dad who you love.
Xmas day sorted this year. I decided nope no way am I doing 2x hour long round trips and then having Dad sit there, expect to be waited on hand and foot, play up showing everyone how ill he is, and generally be rude to my family.

Last year was great without him to be honest. Much more relaxed. My youngest is 5 so its was getting a bit much where I'd be out of the house for hours on xmas day - dad didnt care. I dont drink much anyway but every year I can't - he used to say "you don't mind not having a drink on xmas day anyway because you're picking me up". Umm thanks for deciding for me.

Wife is a nurse so I can blag it a bit because she does work shifts. So I've told him no xmas day is off you can come boxing day. Hes moaned a lot. Brother apparently is on holidays over xmas (he shoved that one in quick!). Wife is working boxing day actually so wont see much of him (think she planned that!) but I really dont blame her. He is a nightmare to deal with.

Probably rest of the family will criticise me for leaving him on his own. Fully expect they will put their heads down and not invite him either (they know what hes like too). But I'm sure I shared the story of that one xmas on here where he visited, played up like he was dying, was rude to my family, then played me up when I took him home threatening to call 999 because he was dying (GP has told him he was fine literally the day before but he swore blind he wouldnt make it until after xmas and the surgery reopened).

Just got to tell my kids now. DO NOT TELL GRAMPY we had xmas dinner at home yesterday!
Paul
Not wishing to put a spanner in the works but..... most homes who have had Christmas dinner, shows signs of doing just that on boxing Day. Left overs, etc. I know mine did, and my daughter's both do now. Plus, will your 5 year old really remember to keep it secret? Lot to ask of her going on my own experience with my children and grandchildren!.
Maybe you will have to tweak this situation, so you are not on edge. Something like, we had a last minute change, too late to let you know etc. Just a thought. Only if he notices anything, but he obviously is an astute man!!
Pet66 wrote:
Mon Oct 22, 2018 12:14 pm
Paul
Not wishing to put a spanner in the works but..... most homes who have had Christmas dinner, shows signs of doing just that on boxing Day. Left overs, etc. I know mine did, and my daughter's both do now. Plus, will your 5 year old really remember to keep it secret? Lot to ask of her going on my own experience with my children and grandchildren!.
Maybe you will have to tweak this situation, so you are not on edge. Something like, we had a last minute change, too late to let you know etc. Just a thought. Only if he notices anything, but he obviously is an astute man!!
Well thought of that. We're going to say we had xmas dinner late in the evening when wife came home from work.

Like I said, wife wont be there much otherwise can guarantee he'd be quizzing her! Normally he wants to know everything. Fully expect he'll want to know why she has to work over xmas and why she can't cancel work because hes coming around. (Hes done similar before).
RESULT. Brothers "pie in the sky" comment that he couldnt possibly have Dad xmas day because he was on holiday have proved to be false. Whats in his head and what is actually true are very often different.

So brother is going to Dads on xmas day. Cracking result. Years to come this will last for.

I've still got to pick him up boxing day mind. :-( He has said do I mind if he doesnt stay long? Yay!!!!
HOORAY!!
I had already told him I couldn't have him xmas day anyway and when he moaned that he had nowhere to go I just shrugged my shoulders......

I'm hoping this will become a "thing" for future years now. He gets like that . Likes routine. Regardless of whether it puts everyone else out. And brother going to him saves the hassle of him going out. Result indeed.

As I said, hes even said "do you mind if I don't stay long boxing day?" as well. Crack on. 20 mins should do it lol. Never understood why in previous years he's felt the need to stay for hours and hours on xmas day. Most years I'd be getting home at 8pm. He always used to say he didn't want to offend my wife by eating his dinner and going home. (even though I told him 100 times). To be fair, he managed to offend nearly everyone in the house - don't want to be mean but I'd sit there waiting for him to decide to go so I get back and start my xmas day without the stress (at 8-9pm!!!!)
It's sad it's come to this, isn't it, but there you go. He's brought it on himself, and maybe that is the saddest thing of all.

Such a shame.
jenny lucas wrote:
Tue Dec 11, 2018 5:40 pm
It's sad it's come to this, isn't it, but there you go. He's brought it on himself, and maybe that is the saddest thing of all.

Such a shame.
Yes. He continues to prove unfortunately that he has no interest in his grandchildren and all focus is about him.

To be honest, I used to dread xmas day every year.
Well, let's hope this year's finally a lot nicer for you. Be on the look out for 'googlies' heading your way though, so don't let your bro wriggle out etc etc. Even if he does, your dad is NOT coming to you for Xmas day itself, and that's that!
136 posts