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Update on Dad - and next Xmas - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Update on Dad - and next Xmas

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
136 posts
Good news I've got him to see sense and, at least, get social around to assess him for a stair life. Phase 1 complete.

SS are about as much good as a chocolate teapot mind. They keep saying unless he agrees we can't do anything. Its just too easy for them - he says no and they think "in the clear". Its obvious to all that he struggles - would have hoped for a bit more professionalism from them. Fair enough if he point blank refuses but they could try harder IMHO.
On the negative side, I mentioned xmas and that did not go down well. Even though I said I'd ask brother and he could come over boxing day, he was not happy.

Pretty much said that my wife should tell her employer she can't work xmas day because he was coming over. Pretty much sums him up. Of course, get the old chestnut - THERE'LL BE OTHER XMASES.

Which, I think, in his head, means its all about me but when I'm gone you can have your life back.... :-(
Well done on chair lift triumph but I wouldn't be surprised if your next hurdle was payment side of things. It's all very well for SS to recommend what Dad needs but they won't pay for it and then it's back to square one if dad refuses. I wouldn't even worry about Christmas just yet- you can't really predict how Dad will be in 6 months time so save the battle.
The best solution would be to move to Australia I think, so you were too far away to do anything at all. At least turn your landline phone onto silent at night for a start - if your existing one doesn't have this facility others do - there has been a discussion elsewhere on the forum about this.
It sounds like you are making yourself too available again after this latest upset. My immediate reaction was that if he's well enough to go to the races 100 miles away he's not that ill!!!
Brother not available, no surprise there then.
You really mustn't let him keep pulling your strings, for the sake of your own family and marriage.
Henrietta wrote:Well done on chair lift triumph but I wouldn't be surprised if your next hurdle was payment side of things. It's all very well for SS to recommend what Dad needs but they won't pay for it and then it's back to square one if dad refuses. I wouldn't even worry about Christmas just yet- you can't really predict how Dad will be in 6 months time so save the battle.
I know. Im thinking of it as stage 1 completed lol.
bowlingbun wrote:The best solution would be to move to Australia I think, so you were too far away to do anything at all. At least turn your landline phone onto silent at night for a start - if your existing one doesn't have this facility others do - there has been a discussion elsewhere on the forum about this.
It sounds like you are making yourself too available again after this latest upset. My immediate reaction was that if he's well enough to go to the races 100 miles away he's not that ill!!!
Brother not available, no surprise there then.
You really mustn't let him keep pulling your strings, for the sake of your own family and marriage.
No hes not that unwell. OK - he has problems walking a bit but he can walk 1/2 mile at a time. He is 83 after all. I keep telling him that. I'd say, in general, his health wasn't too bad considering.

But of course, when hes ill he doesnt do that well. When he did his collar bone, he refused to go out when it was in sling. As soon as he had hospital appt and they said all clear he had a new lease of life and he was out every day!

Similar thing like just before last xmas. Started off as a cough that didnt go away (in september) and somehow morphed into sore legs, and being unable to swallow. Cough disappeared at some point - I lost track! Not quite sure the connection. Of course, despite about 15 doctors/ambulance crews/A&E telling him he was convinced they had to "fix" him. He was convinced over xmas he wasnt going to make it until GP opened after xmas!

One hospital visit where they told him what he wanted to hear and reassured him and he was miraculously cured! Led me to believe that 90% was in his head and related to him getting himself in a state!
paul_1607 wrote:Good news I've got him to see sense and, at least, get social around to assess him for a stair life. Phase 1 complete.

SS are about as much good as a chocolate teapot mind. They keep saying unless he agrees we can't do anything. Its just too easy for them - he says no and they think "in the clear". Its obvious to all that he struggles - would have hoped for a bit more professionalism from them. Fair enough if he point blank refuses but they could try harder IMHO.
SS may take more notice if you keep stressing to them in writing by e-mail, that you have reported his mobility on the stairs, as a " safeguarding issue"
MrsAverage wrote:
paul_1607 wrote:Good news I've got him to see sense and, at least, get social around to assess him for a stair life. Phase 1 complete.

SS are about as much good as a chocolate teapot mind. They keep saying unless he agrees we can't do anything. Its just too easy for them - he says no and they think "in the clear". Its obvious to all that he struggles - would have hoped for a bit more professionalism from them. Fair enough if he point blank refuses but they could try harder IMHO.
SS may take more notice if you keep stressing to them in writing by e-mail, that you have reported his mobility on the stairs, as a " safeguarding issue"
To be honest, I have. He is going to fall down the stairs at some point.

In the past 6 months, hes ended up in hospital twice by falling over.
I agree with Henrietta - I'l lay low about Xmas for now. Firstly, as she says, you don't know what state he'll be in by December, and secondly, why give you and him six months of fretting over a single day in December? Just present him with a fait accompli the previous week, and then don't budge from it.

Re falling downstairs, well, if he does, he does. Not your responsibility. And, you know, if he does, and it 'hastens the end' then maybe both he, and you, will be spared a 'worse decline'. I only have to visit my poor 93 MIL with advanced dementia to know that had she died three years ago she would have been spared a living purgatory.....
jenny lucas wrote:I agree with Henrietta - I'l lay low about Xmas for now. Firstly, as she says, you don't know what state he'll be in by December, and secondly, why give you and him six months of fretting over a single day in December? Just present him with a fait accompli the previous week, and then don't budge from it.

Re falling downstairs, well, if he does, he does. Not your responsibility. And, you know, if he does, and it 'hastens the end' then maybe both he, and you, will be spared a 'worse decline'. I only have to visit my poor 93 MIL with advanced dementia to know that had she died three years ago she would have been spared a living purgatory.....
Your not wrong there Jenny. I can see a number of scenarios where something happens that, to be honest, would make things impossible for him to cope. Hes definitely not one of those people who handles illness so a "decline" would be awful.
136 posts