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Update on Dad - and next Xmas - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Update on Dad - and next Xmas

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136 posts
Hi Paul,
For goodness sake put Christmas out of your mind. It's not even Easter yet. All you have to decide is that no, you will not have Dad at your house next Christmas Day. Then forget it until December. Put a note in your diary for 1st Dec. 'Tell Dad and brother will not be collecting Dad this Christmes'. Then forget it till late November. If you have to give a reason such as 'wife is working' etc the decide on it but why not tell the truth, as in 'we don't want to''?
To my mind, Christmas Day is for Children, for big families or the very religious. For your Dad it's just another day which can just as easily be the next day or New Year's Day or anything inbetween. You have the children and a wife who are just as, if not very much more, important than Dad.
Besides which, a lot may happen between now and Christmas, so why worry?
KR
E.
bowlingbun wrote:There is no law that says you can't be left alone Christmas Day. If he doesn't enjoy the meal or your children, let him stay home. If he tells anyone a sob story, your brother can be rightly blamed.
Well I think he enjoys coming for Xmas dinner but, like I said, its all about him and hes not bothered about the kids at all.
Elaine wrote:Hi Paul,
For goodness sake put Christmas out of your mind. It's not even Easter yet. All you have to decide is that no, you will not have Dad at your house next Christmas Day. Then forget it until December. Put a note in your diary for 1st Dec. 'Tell Dad and brother will not be collecting Dad this Christmes'. Then forget it till late November. If you have to give a reason such as 'wife is working' etc the decide on it but why not tell the truth, as in 'we don't want to''?
To my mind, Christmas Day is for Children, for big families or the very religious. For your Dad it's just another day which can just as easily be the next day or New Year's Day or anything inbetween. You have the children and a wife who are just as, if not very much more, important than Dad.
Besides which, a lot may happen between now and Christmas, so why worry?
KR
E.
Yes true enough - I worry too much.

I dont think telling him the truth is going to work. Despite him being very selfish and a massive PITA a lot of the time, I dont want to upset him unless I have to.

Thing is though sometimes I wonder if he REALLY likes it. Yes he likes to get out of the house but sometimes I just think hes got an idea in his head that SOMEONE has got to do something for him on xmas day. Sort of as a test for the sake of it etc. Like I said, he sits there totally awkward, ignores the kids etc.

I do sometimes think it feels like a test to make sure I'll pick him up, pander to him for a few hours etcf.


Thing is my MIL comes over as well but shes no problem at all. Plays with the kids, helps out. Unfortunately, my Dad, ignores the kids, plays up that hes ill, sits there and demands things ("get me a cup of tea"), has no table manners at all (or in fact many manners at all).

I even take his xmas presents over when I pick him up. I dare not let him open them in front of everyone - hes just not grateful or will make a comment like "why did you buy that" or "what a waste of money". (Once I had to tell him to STOP saying things like "these kids are spoit what did you buy all this for - you've got more money than sense". that went down well with the wife!)
Just seen on facebook that my brother is going to be away all over Xmas. Pretty sure my Dad doesnt know. Nice of him to think of others - him and his girlfriend going away just on their own, no kids.

I expect hes assuming I'm looking after Dad again this year....

Pretty sure I'm going to tell him wife is working Xmas day so we're not having dinner but invite him over Boxing Day. After last year, its just getting too much on Xmas day and I'm stuck in the middle trying to please everyone.
Paul
Are you sure your brother hasn't access to the forum?! Coincidence that he he has already made plans for xmas. You can't change your plans though.
I feel incensed for you.
Pet66 wrote:Paul
Are you sure your brother hasn't access to the forum?! Coincidence that he he has already made plans for xmas. You can't change your plans though.
I feel incensed for you.
Nah. Deffo - he wouldnt know how. Hes not exactly computer literate to say the least!
Sounds like bro is thinking ahead - just like you - and has 'got in first'!

But that isn't relevant - all you have to do is say what you've said you will, that your wife is working, and you are celebrating Xmas Day on Boxing Day.

Can you kids keep that 'fib' going when your dad turns up for Xmas 'a day late'??
jenny lucas wrote:Sounds like bro is thinking ahead - just like you - and has 'got in first'!

But that isn't relevant - all you have to do is say what you've said you will, that your wife is working, and you are celebrating Xmas Day on Boxing Day.

Can you kids keep that 'fib' going when your dad turns up for Xmas 'a day late'??
Sorry - not been on here for a while. At the moment Dad is back to normal. i.e. fine. Aware that its all going to go again next time hes ill though. Fingers crossed for now.

But yes you might be right about brother. My kids are 13 and 3 so should be ok. 13 year old doesnt speak or just grunts so hes not going to get into a conversation. 3 year old wont really understand etc.
BTW - got a new contract. Close to home - 20/30 mins drive. (As opposed to 90 mins each way on train in last place). Its also 20 mins to Dads from work (so closer to him than I live).

Must admit I'm not sure if this is good or bad! Next time hes ill I can foresee him assuming I can just pop up and take him to hospital. Then again, before it was nigh on impossible.

I used to get home at 6pm so if he insisted I popped over it meant I wouldnt see the kids that evening.At least now, its 20-30 mins from work to get to him, then 30 mins home (as opposed to 30-45 mins straight home). Just a bit of a detour. Then again, do I really want to start this? Hey ho.

Perhaps I should have told a porkie and said I still worked in Gloucester. :-)
Do NOT tell him how close to him you'll be! Fatal! Just 'lie' a bit and say it won't be easy to see him - then see more of your children.

Sorry your 13 y/ol grunts. Remember, you are a GROSS embarrassment to him/her......(Don't worry, they improve with time!)
136 posts