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Under Pressure - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Under Pressure

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Nurses belong to a professional association. If they behave very badly, they can be "struck off" and not allowed to nurse any more. The same applies to social workers. Maybe you could talk this over with the association concerned, sorry, I can't remember what it's called, however google should find it for you. Then, after the conversation, you could, if necessary, warn the nurse concerned, or her superior, that if she continues harassing you in this way (it does sound like real harassment to me) then you will have no option left but to report her. It's not acceptable when you are doing such a wonderful job.
I ended up several days ago, contacting a local organisation about what I could do about what was going on and in the course of our conversation I told them that I'd been put off contacting them sooner because I'd seen my previous social worker's name associated with them on their newsletter. She asked me her name and apparently this social worker is the head of something to do with carers and is someone they refer cases back to.
I told her everything that this social worker had put us through back then. Anyone stronger than me could have easily reported her at the time, whether she'd have been struck off I don't know but to find her associated with a carers organisation asking carers to contact them for help and support was having the opposite effect on me. It was only as a last resort that I contacted them.

I'm sure I'm not the only one. My advocate at the time who had a huge row with her in our living room said to me afterwards that she recognised this social worker and thought she'd had dealings with her before. I wouldn't have been surprised.

I've heard back from the advocacy service today and they are coming to see me on 29th.

All it should take is me telling them what I don't want and they should respect that. Instead I've had almost two whole months of pushing and nosy questions and not just from the day nurses but the evening nurses as well at times and mum isn't even a member of their surgery.

I think I am a soft target. I crumble rather than answering back. :(

Hopefully things will improve and I'll be able to relax and start sleeping properly again.
Just an update to say that tonight I was asked again if I'd got carers in yet.

I said I hadn't. I'm so sick and tired of telling them. Plus with her saying this of an evening it is going to affect my sleep now. I can already feel that I'm not relaxed any more.
The last time something was mentioned was 15th.

The sooner the advocate gets involved the better. He already said what I'd endured was excessive days ago and I thought it had ceased but obviously not.
I just had to come and let it out on here.
Why won't they leave me alone !

It's not like I'm not doing a good job, I am. Mum is happy. We've tried carers and they distress her and when they leave I'm left dealing with the fallout. It's so much easier and calmer for both of us to carry on which is what we both want.
Why won't they listen and accept what I've said ?
More pressure being put on me. I've had two phone calls this morning from social services and I turned down getting carers in. I now believe they are trying to get round my power of attorney by looking for safeguarding issues. So far I've managed (I hope) to avoid such claims.

A few days ago I'd been asked what type of hoist we have as if we had the 'wrong' type that would have been classed as me putting mum's life in danger.
Today the social worker asked if I'd been trained to use the hoist, I had.
The second call from her shortly after the first she mentioned that mum needed to be moved every two hours. I said 'yes, that's right, I move her using the hoist'. The nurses know I do that. Yet this social worker said she had been back on to them and was liaising with them. So she went off again.

I've taken the phone off the hook so I can try to calm down as my anxiety is increasing again.

I'm not seeing the advocate until 29th but have sent an email updating them as I couldn't get through on the phone. I am scared. I feel the sw and nurses are trying to get me on something.

Everything I'm doing I've been instructed to do by the nurses or the skin specialist.

This harassment was classed as excessive days and days ago and it's just continuing. I don't seem to have any way of stopping it.

I'm scared of the district nurses coming out now in case they bring someone with them. I don't know if I've got a right to refuse anyone entry.
Hi Scruffy
Oh gosh, I wonder if that advocate could bring the meeting forward, although it isn't too long till the day.
Yes, you have every right to refuse entry to anyone, except the police with a warrant and High Court bailiffs!
In my, completely inexperienced and lay, opinion, I think that SS are suspicious because Carers don't usually 'refuse' any help and you must be either openly hostile to them OR they sense that you are. Therefore they are frightened of 'missing something' which will later come back to bite them and perhaps cost them their jobs. I suspect this because they are quoting all the Health and Safety rules at you. Training to use the hoist, moving every 2 hours et. My care team tut tut and shake their heads at me when I have hoisted mum on my own because their rules say there should be 2 people using a hoist.
However they can't stop me because as long as I have been warned they have covered their backs. Using a hoist isn't that difficult as long as you get the straps for the sling correct. However our hoist is a ceiling hoist.
Maybe your advocate will write asking them their reasons for this unwarranted persecution. Fingers crossed that he's experienced and competent and gets them off your back for good.
All the best
Elaine
Scruffy, have you got an answerphone? I have one which is on permanently. I tell everyone that it's because I can't hear the phone if I'm in the garden or the workshop, but the truth is that I like to filter my calls and control what I do in my day. I tell everyone to leave a message and I'll get back to them, which I always do, but when it suits me!!! If they can't be bothered to leave a message, then it can't be that important, can it?
Hi Elaine,
Yes I got told back in 2012 during that particular phase of 'bullying' before I had power of attorney that the hoist needed two people but I printed off the actual H&SE document for that hoist and in there it said something about two people causing accidents so I highlighted that and had it ready in case this two person 'rule' was quoted again.

Only the day after tomorrow to wait now. Nobody else has contacted me since the social worker's last call about moving mum every two hours. I mentioned seeing an advocate the following week so whether that has had any effect I don't know. She asked me the name of the advocate and I said I didn't catch her name.

The awful nurse hasn't been back for a week and it's been great. I've been thinking about what I'd like the advocate to do for me and these are 1. To stop that nurse returning to the house due to her lack of compassion in breaking bad news, for doing it shockingly in front of my mother (the patient) and for manipulating readings of her pulse to make out mum had an infection when she didn't.
2. To have the matron aware that carers do have rights and that her claiming not to have heard of them before and not knowing where I got my information from does not mean the carer's rights can be overruled.
3. To let the social worker know that they were harassing me with obvious attempts to get round my power of attorney.

Mind you I'm also fearful of stirring up a hornets nest as they all go overboard to justify their behaviour.
It's hard to know what to do for the best but of all these things the main one is to just not have to have any dealings with that awful nurse ever again. Just being assured of that will reduce my anxiety enormously.
I'm on edge every day before the nurses come out in case she's one of them.

What gets me is how the nurses are and have been saying how well cared for mum is. How lucky she is to have me and some have said they wished they had someone who would care for them the way I look after mum.
Everything here is geared towards making my mum's life peaceful, beautiful and interesting.

We have peaceful dvd's of countryside scenes, a lovely view and things for her to amuse herself with, baby doll, twiddly cushions, squishy discs etc. She is fed three times a day with high protein foods because of her sore. I hoist her every two hours and change her pad, bedding, nighties etc. I wash her and cut and do her hair myself.

I keep a record of her temperature, blood pressure, pulse, oxygen and blood sugar and keep these records in a book to show anyone who needs to see them.
I make sure she has plenty of fluids which have vitamin c or zinc added and smart water which has electrolytes in it.
The dietitian saw the record of what I'd been feeding her and said she couldn't fault it.
The soft tissue viability nurse praised me for the records I kept as she rarely comes across anyone who does that.
Mum's own GP has said I'm a great carer and another of her GP's said she could be cared for at home when she hurt her leg badly last year. Even the nurses have said they think this is he best place for her.

Mum is contented and when calm is quite lucid and always more aware than anyone might think but this only becomes apparent when she's calm enough to speak of what she's experienced or heard.

So how could the social worker be liaising with the district nurses and coming back to ask me questions they already knew, such as mum being repositioned every two hours which the nurses knew I was doing ?

I wondered if mum's GP's would be aware of what was going on with the district nurses, matron, social worker etc ?

Scruffy x
Hi Bowlingbun,
Yes I've got an answerphone but I feel that when they leave messages asking me to get back to them and I don't, that that could be used against me. If I don't take the call then they have to keep ringing back and I can find out which number is ringing on the display and decide whether I want to answer it or I'll find out who it was and ring them back.

I don't get how carers can have rights that include being left to get on with our lives and to have our requests respected and accepted. These things are just being totally walked all over as if they didn't matter.

In the dim and distant past when I'd asked for help and different social workers had come out to see what they could do, once mum said she didn't want anyone else coming in I was told they couldn't do anything and I'd have to 'work on mum' to get her to change her mind.

Now after having tried carers and rejected it happening again, we have been under considerable pressure to accept someone coming in. It no longer seems to matter that we have said we don't want anyone coming in, our wishes certainly aren't being respected or accepted.
Several of these people are breaking the rules and harassing us on top of it all. Surely they must know that they are.

Scruffy
Update.
We had the advocate come out to see us with her manager and we have been given several documents to guide us should we need it. Things quietened down just prior to the advocate coming to see us and since then one of the district nurses told me that they've reassured social services that they have no concerns over me continuing to care for my mum. She said that we have an obvious bond and it would have been cruel to separate us.

There never were any genuine concerns. None of their attempts to find fault were justified. It sounds like they've done me a favour by calling the dogs off but they were in the wrong to be contacting anyone after me saying I didn't want carers coming in.

The nurse said I have the full support of all the nurses. I said it was good to know but inside I know I won't be as comfortable having them here and will always be on my guard now.

I'm sure it's no coincidence that they have found they can support me and there are no concerns once they learned I have an advocate to back me up about my rights which were being totally disregarded.

Scruffy x
Definitely no coincidence. I've had two advocates in the past, another is being arranged for current issues. They are really useful when needed, however we really should need them in the first place!