The other day when our usual district nurses called to change mum's dressing on a pressure sore mum has got, they brought with them someone who called herself a matron nurse but said she knew nothing about wounds, that she was more about the social side and something else which I can't remember.
I had no notification she was coming and I strongly suspect one particular nurse behind things being done to get us to have outside carers coming in, which we don't want but we have money from social services to pay for carers if and when we want them.
This matron said 'they' would like to take mum to a meeting to discuss her case. She meant take mum's case to the meeting, not physically take her. I said that would be ok but later she told me that social services, physiotherapists, occupational health and who knows who else, would be there. Once I heard that social services would be there I objected and she said I can't object because they had to be there. I then said that I objected to the meeting taking place but this was ignored and she continued regardless.
She said they would just put suggestions to me about other possible options to help mum. I don't know if she said I wouldn't have to accept them or whether I got that from someone I phoned later.
She asked to see my power of attorney documents which I showed her. Why would she need to see this if they only make suggestions ?
I am being put under enormous pressure again to accept carers. We have had them before and it didn't work for us and distressed mum so much that she wasn't sleeping at night.
Truly my mum is not hard to care for and everyone has said how well cared for she is. One nurse the other day said 'they' all think this is the best place for mum to be.
The matron herself said she could tell from mum's diet diary which she had asked about, that she was well looked after.
I just slipped up with mum getting a pressure sore and now I feel under pressure and suspicion.
I phoned a carers support line and was told the people having the meeting couldn't force me to do anything and couldn't take mum away unless they thought she was in danger.
I just don't trust them not to make out that she would be in danger unless I accept carers.
I have friends who sit with mum so I can get out and my brother and sister visit fairly regularly.
I'm scared. I feel I was manipulated into giving my approval for the meeting and fearful of the consequences.
On the day the matron came there were so many of them that I wasn't by mum's side when they were turning her until the last roll over and by this time mum was so distressed that she didn't recognise me and that rarely happens unless she's distressed which she never is with me. She once again hardly slept that night as a result of what went on at the visit.
Mum has dementia and when stressed she makes little sense but alone and quiet with me she is a lot better and when I asked her if she was ok after the nurses and matron had gone, mum said "I hated that". Later in the afternoon mum asked "we're you getting told off before".
These people won't see mum like she us with me, they won't realise how aware she is of what they're doing and saying but this is also what distressed her.
I'd like to know what would be likely to be said at this meeting and what the consequences would be. Also what can I do if I don't want what they 'suggest'?
When I told this matron about information I'd been given in the past by a carers advocate about having something pushed on us that we've said we don't want breaking the mental health code of conduct and she dismissed this and made out it was wrong but that guy knew his stuff to the letter.
The pushy district nurse stayed behind and backed up the matron so that I felt got at and overwhelmed. She scared me to my stomach and said mum's sore is a lot worse than originally thought but other nurses, several in fact, including this one have said that the wound is doing well and healing, that the skin is pink. One said it looked like it had been worse but was getting better. So I felt this nurse was putting the fear of God into me to get me to give in and accept carers.
We just don't want them. What can I do about all this ?
I had no notification she was coming and I strongly suspect one particular nurse behind things being done to get us to have outside carers coming in, which we don't want but we have money from social services to pay for carers if and when we want them.
This matron said 'they' would like to take mum to a meeting to discuss her case. She meant take mum's case to the meeting, not physically take her. I said that would be ok but later she told me that social services, physiotherapists, occupational health and who knows who else, would be there. Once I heard that social services would be there I objected and she said I can't object because they had to be there. I then said that I objected to the meeting taking place but this was ignored and she continued regardless.
She said they would just put suggestions to me about other possible options to help mum. I don't know if she said I wouldn't have to accept them or whether I got that from someone I phoned later.
She asked to see my power of attorney documents which I showed her. Why would she need to see this if they only make suggestions ?
I am being put under enormous pressure again to accept carers. We have had them before and it didn't work for us and distressed mum so much that she wasn't sleeping at night.
Truly my mum is not hard to care for and everyone has said how well cared for she is. One nurse the other day said 'they' all think this is the best place for mum to be.
The matron herself said she could tell from mum's diet diary which she had asked about, that she was well looked after.
I just slipped up with mum getting a pressure sore and now I feel under pressure and suspicion.
I phoned a carers support line and was told the people having the meeting couldn't force me to do anything and couldn't take mum away unless they thought she was in danger.
I just don't trust them not to make out that she would be in danger unless I accept carers.
I have friends who sit with mum so I can get out and my brother and sister visit fairly regularly.
I'm scared. I feel I was manipulated into giving my approval for the meeting and fearful of the consequences.
On the day the matron came there were so many of them that I wasn't by mum's side when they were turning her until the last roll over and by this time mum was so distressed that she didn't recognise me and that rarely happens unless she's distressed which she never is with me. She once again hardly slept that night as a result of what went on at the visit.
Mum has dementia and when stressed she makes little sense but alone and quiet with me she is a lot better and when I asked her if she was ok after the nurses and matron had gone, mum said "I hated that". Later in the afternoon mum asked "we're you getting told off before".
These people won't see mum like she us with me, they won't realise how aware she is of what they're doing and saying but this is also what distressed her.
I'd like to know what would be likely to be said at this meeting and what the consequences would be. Also what can I do if I don't want what they 'suggest'?
When I told this matron about information I'd been given in the past by a carers advocate about having something pushed on us that we've said we don't want breaking the mental health code of conduct and she dismissed this and made out it was wrong but that guy knew his stuff to the letter.
The pushy district nurse stayed behind and backed up the matron so that I felt got at and overwhelmed. She scared me to my stomach and said mum's sore is a lot worse than originally thought but other nurses, several in fact, including this one have said that the wound is doing well and healing, that the skin is pink. One said it looked like it had been worse but was getting better. So I felt this nurse was putting the fear of God into me to get me to give in and accept carers.
We just don't want them. What can I do about all this ?