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Too soon for palliative care? Massive stroke question - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Too soon for palliative care? Massive stroke question

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Your welcome.

When are times not hard in CarerLand ?

Even after being released , they press gang some of us back to man / woman the barricades ... this forum is truly in the front line !

Once in , always in ?
Hi V
Of course Dad is in denial. He just wants Mum back as she was, and probably still sees her as the young girl she was when they first met.
I'd suggest letting the Consultant lead the session. Dad is more likely to believe him if he hears it direct as he will have a certain respect for his position. Then you can ask the questions from your list if they haven't already been answered.
Remember that whatever happens with Mum is likely to have major impact in Dads life too, and he won't be able to see that yet, he's still in shock. This sounds like the first time that Dad is going to have to admit handing over control of his life to either doctors, or his children... which he still sees you as. It's hard for any parent to hand over the Parent role to the Child.
Give him lots of hugs and just keep repeating that everyone is doing their best to look after Mum and him.
Is there anyway that Dad won't be left on his own after the meeting? It might take time to sink in and he might have questions after? Could he perhaps come back with you 'for a few days break'?

That’s a good point about the consultant leading, MrsAverage. And yes, he’s already said that he still sees us as children.

My brother has moved out of his flat, and back to the family home already, so dad will have someone with him a lot, apart from the day when my brother will be working. We feel the knowledge that someone is coming home each night will be of comfort to dad.

He’s already trying to do small things, eg, cook own breakfast, learn how to use the local community cars (he can’t see to drive) to visit mum, when we or relatives can’t give him a lift. Im not surprised he’s in denial, I think we all are to some degree. I still can’t believe it’s actually happening.

Thanks again for your thoughtful, and speedy, responses.
Hello and welcome
My husband is in a nursing home because of strokes and vascular dementia. He hasn't lived with me for over 3 years now. I can still go into shock about it all, and almost feel it's a bad dream. Sadly it isn't. So it's perfectly natural for you all to feel the way you do. My daughter's and family sometimes feel deprived of him. Then we pick up, get on with care managing his needs etc.
((( Hugs to you)))