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The value of local support groups to Carers? - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

The value of local support groups to Carers?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
63 posts
As one of those who sometimes quotes the law to explain a situation and also to use it to support carers, don't confuse me with someone who isn't a "doer."

But I understand the system and that can be really useful.

And I don't know who said the Carers Allowance issue isn't important Tony, but they're dead wrong. Of all the carers I know, money is the second most important gap in their lives. The biggest being information. All the studies, all the carers I've met have all agreed on this: after all, if you don't have the information, how can you get what little money there is?

Even so, money is a HUGE issue, and Carers Allowance is ridiculously low. It's also the only benefit you have to do at least a 35 hour working week for...yet it's supposedly not a wage or a wage replacement.

And if that's not barmy I don't know what is.
Hi Tony, thanks for your best wishes.. You have every right to say what you think, (as I do) on the forum. However the Forum is not a one way street. I have learned a lot from the stories people tell on here. We can learn from other people's mistakes if we listen.
I have a slipped lumbar disc, it is an injury I got at work (nursing) many years ago, and I have been crippled by it on several occasions. Bed rest on a hard board is the only solution to prevent it getting worse and paralising you from the waist down.
If you don't want that to happen, then you have to get help. In my election leaflet I quote a case of a lady who cared for her paralysed husband for many years until she hurt her back and could no longer care for him, so he had to go into a home for three weeks until she recovered. The council then charged her £200 per week for his care, despite the thirty odd years she had cared for him and saved them a fortune whilst so doing.
Carers are the only people who actually have to pay out money when they are sick. It makes economic sense to look after your health if you are a Carer.
best wishes normangardner
Hi Tony, I have just spotted your post of 31 March : 2.51 pm para 1.
The thread you have mention has been stopped. Anyone who wishes to enquire into the matter can find the thread at General discussion / cigaretes. I think you may be breaking forum rules, that is for others to judge.
We can agree to disagree, but we can also keep the level of abuse down to tolerable levels.
bestwishes normangardner
If the carer is not cared for then the knock on effect is like dominoes. Last year we lost my mum to dementia and cancer, dad had a breakdown and my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I was at the point of collapse and had to make the decision to stay with dad or be with my husband whilst he underwent radical operations over 300 miles away. In a way the decision was taken out of my hands by the GP as dad took pneumonia following a chest infection and had to go to hospital...he went from hospital to a nursing home and then to respite in residential care. We had no idea my husband`s treatment would involve 5 operations, an emergency op to remove a blood clot and that we would be away from home for almost six months. When we did get home I had my husband bedridden with a gaping open wound and had developed phlebitis in my legs and could hardly walk never mind climb stairs. No homecare was available due to holidays, sickness etc so social services found a further two weeks respite car for dad to make life easier (only for them). The social services employee who told us on assessment of all our combined needs dad`s fees would be covered under the Carers recognition act retired before his bill arrived......over £800 and we are left to pay that now. When I was setting up a payment plan and the Council wanted £70 per month I thought that was a bit steep as I only have carer allowance as income....but your dad doesn`t pay council tax for you living in as his carer and you only get out two hours a week for respite.......as if they expected me to give them all my CA to reduce the bills quicker. I have since been told if I had never started to pay they would have had to sue dad for the money and as he had to borrow from the bank to bury my mother the chances of them getting anything was slim......what a way to run a system!
Ours is not the only horror story by far......but every day brings a new challenge in our lives. If we didn`t have all this worry what would we do with our time?
Dear norman: You have just confirmed what i have been saying all along about certain people on this forum, now you say that i am breaking the rules, ok, do you want me to leave, just so you can be the big boss and intimidate everyone, the first time that i ever saw a reply to someone on this forum i knew that you would be such a person as the way you always answer people, you always talk down to them as though you are some how superior.
Shall i go and stand in the corner like a naughty little boy or do you want me to do hundred lines Image i am sure that you are well meaning but do not forget you are the one that first insulted me and my mother, i never retaliated at the time but now i do not care weather i offend you or not, you attacked me personally first and you have to carrty it on, if that makes your small little mind happy then so be it.
I think that norman should be the new leader of carersuk, he obviously thinks its his role already, i will vote for you norman, it might make you less of a bully, you can have some real power then. Image Image I have obviously hit a nerve with some people on this forum that agree with me because of the emails that i get everyday about people on this forum, alot of people think that there are some bullies on this site and they sure as hell do not think that it is me.

I am just going to bed now, but first i am going to have a glass of beer and a last s---e, i will make sure i stubb it out properly before getting into bed though.Thanks for the entertainment it has been fun.
Best wishes Tony. Image Image Image Image Image Image Image
Meg - the basic principle of charging for services is unfair, but any charge for a respite service is based on the income of the person who receives the service - and in law it's the person who goes to respite, not the carer. Your income cannot be taken into account at all.

If that's what they are doing, try to find a local support group - Citizens Advice or a carers centre, Age Concern - or use the helpline at Carers UK.

Tony, Norman - don't leave. We all need to recognise that as carers we should support each other and respect others' views and opinions, even when we don't agree. The system is our enemy - not each other. Image
Hi Tony. I used to play with a lad who threatened to take his ball home if he didn't like the way the game was going.
You have made a personal attack on me, and reported the stopped thread inaccurately. I have given the reference of the stopped thread so people can read it for themselves and make their own minds up as to the rights and wrongs of the situation.
It seems your general contempt of rules in does not exclude Forum rules.
Many people have asked you to re-read their posts when you have jumped to rash conclusions and made unfounded allegations. You make contradictory statements, when you applaud the idea of a Carer Party, then advise people not to vote when a Carer Candidate is standing for election in his Ward.
You tell us that you have made a friend on the Forum, but it seems you have antagonised many others, for I am not the only one you have attacked at a personal level.
I can understand your anger and frustration of your bereavement, but please take Charles' advice. Vent your feelings on the system, not other members of the forum; in accordance with Forum rules.
best wishes normangardner
Hi To all of you.
I wont direct this to a individual.
If certain people are getting email's saying that some on this site are bullies please send these email's or the names of these bullies to Gavin & Matt & Christine.
that way it can be stopped
If I am one then I would like to know I mean send as attachment's the original email's.
If individuals are saying they are getting them daily there will be no shortage of them even if the one's that already been sent have been deleted.
Now a lot of people on this site may be thinking which one's are the bullies.
You started this rumour now prove it.

Regard's John. PS Anybody that's think's I am a bully please let me know I will not be offended I wish to know if I am offending people on this site.
Dear Norman:You were the first person to make any personal attack, when you stated that as my mother had died of lung cancer and that she did not smoke, it was most likely down to my second hand smoke that she died, that was your nasty little insinuation, and as for the facts so everyone knows, i never ever smoked in the house in all the years my mum was alive, i would go outside, if we are going to be talking about attacks, basically saying that i killed my mother is possibly the lowest thing anyone has ever said to me, but then again i would not expect anything less from you dear norman.
As for contradicting myself well, at first when i came onto this forum i was very impressed by your seemingly kind attitude, but then i started to see the other side when you would always seem to put other peoples ideas down, you would rubbish them right away, only your interlectual ideas were good enough.
Again i am sorry that i am not as smart or as intelligent as you but i have had tremendous support from people that i do not even no.
Yes rules are important, but not if they get in the way of actually caring for someone, or if they try and hush someones views up, that is wrong, i do neither, it does not matter to me if you make personal attacks on me but again i reiterate that when you stooped so low as to suggest that maybe i killed my mother, then as far as i am concerned you are a low life and nothing i have said will change that.
I never acused you of inflicting pain or suffering on your dear wife did i, so how come you are the one that got personal and nasty, remember it was you, yes you norman that started the personal attacks not me ok
The majority of people on this site are really great and i respect them all, i even respected you norman, but again when you said what you did about my mother, that respect stopped for you norman.
This morning i have had many many emails to my site from people who have seen what has been going on in this forum,out of all those emails only one thought that i was wrong to say what i did about norman, but then again when i explained in my reply to that email what you had originally said, that person soon changed their mind.
As for being the boy who took his ball away norman, again it was not me who keeps on complaining, it is you who want to silence me, your actions are very clear in that respect.
You can attack me all you want all day and all night, but never, ever insult my dead mother or myself again like that norman, even you can attack me in better ways i would have thought.
As for a carers party, i do think that at some stage it might be a good idea, but not at this time, in the future, right now carers need to make their plight more visible, and in my thoughts that means doing something more than that at this moment in time.

Thanks Tony. Image
Morning Charles,

I just want to add a comment to your posting above and see if you have any thoughts on it.

The years that I cared for mam before she died and now caring for my brother,I never really identified myself as a carer,just looking after my family the way they would have done me had it been other way round.Anyways,had I claimed benefits they would have deducted it from one of them.
Having joined 2 local groups lately,I find one of the main stumbling blocks is Recognition .
By that I mean,we seem to have seperate sets of carers.

1.........Those who already care,who fight against the injustice of the system,who get penalized whichever way they turn due to certain rules e.g. overlapping benefit ruling to name but one.

2.........Those who care but do not see themselves as carers and because of this they do not access benefits for themselves or their loved ones.For example,just last week an old lady took ill in our local shop,a dizzy turn.Several people round about assisted to make sure she was ok and took her home as she was panicking about her hubby who she had left at home in bed.To cut a long story short ,this was a couple who have entitlement to all sorts of benefits but in their own eyes they are man and wife. In sickness and health were the old ladys words.A few of us have helped a niece of theirs over the weekend and she is now aware of what they can claim.

I have read on many forums about raising awareness of support groups,both nationally and regional and I still agree with Maryanns idea for a Carers register and Information pack.However,I also think we need do something so people can actually identify that the role they undertake to care for their loved ones is now in most cases more than a family committment.

63 posts