The stress that comes from lying

[Dancedintherain]

Jenny has been given loads of good advice already.

Perhaps it's time for some practical advice too. Jenny could investigate the possibility of contacting Social Services in the area that MIL lives, assuming her MIL agrees to this course of action.

From what we have been told MIl needs assistance with shopping(?online) and perhaps some sort of social interaction. If her needs are assessed she may meet the criteria for assistance. Befriending schemes from charities are a another avenue which can be explored. If Social Services can't assist, then approach the private sector for someone to shop, clean, maybe prepare food.

Jenny could then, to quote Scallys phrase "become a care organiser" as opposed to facing the possibility of a permanent house guest which idea is traumatising jenny apparently..
A best of both worlds situation.

Didn't one of our mods manage to take on caring from Spain to the UK, and it was successful? Distance caring works for many. Many families, including my own, are scattered geographically. (An aside ...check out CUK JOINTLY initiative)

The mother in law has a son, Jenny's brother In law, yes? The family dance is always delicate. But I do hope that the son is being brought to the decision making process.

I am still concerned for her MIL and for jenny herself.

[Minnie]

Personally and I can only speak for myself , I also find Jenny's post very offensive
This is a( CARERS) site, most people on it as I can see, try every second of the day
under huge stress, to keep there loved ones alive and comfortable, that's why Jenny's
posts as I see it, have caused offense . Everybody on this site feels trapped in the
carers role, but we want the best for our loved ones so carry on the best we can.
Freedom of speech, yes but not to hurt other people on the site. One sentence can
cause a lot of pain to somebody else so please , other people have feelings and are
stressed every day. Consider others.
Minnie

[Scally]

Good to hear you're now getting the help you need Rosemary, best wishes for the future

hear hear! No man is an island ... and neither is a woman. We all have a moral responsibility to help each other]No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.
John Donne
[/i]

[Scally]

Personally and I can only speak for myself , I also find Jenny's post very offensive
Minnie

I'm curious and baffled when people are offended by someone else expressing a sincere view. I thought it was an honest post and honesty is refreshing. I've often offended or annoyed people by having outspoken opinions, but never deliberately. As Matt says, we are all different, that's all.

[Minnie]

Yes we are all different, but sickness, looking after someone, decisions, and death are never easy to deal with. and
in MY opinion Jenny is in the wrong site for her needs.
Just my honest opinion Scally
Minnie

[Scally]

Yes we are all different, but sickness, looking after someone, decisions, and death are never easy to deal with. and
in MY opinion Jenny is in the wrong site for her needs.
Just my honest opinion Scally
Minnie

OK, and I disagree with you. I actually think that might come across to Jenny as rather harsh and judgemental: we come here and try to be a) honest and b) pleasant to each other, those are the two values I cherish the most. But she IS a carer, and has as much right to be here as any of us.

[Minnie]

Agree, disagree, I am also entitled to my opinion.
Minnie

[SheWolf]

DancedintheRain,

From what I gather, Jenny has been working on the problems but is just waiting for the right place to come up, one which her MIL will accept (she's already turned some places down). Also, it seems that Jenny's MIL is still harbouring the desire to move into 'Jenny's Hotel' permanently and have Jenny as her personal slave indefinitely - very tricky. Under those circumstances I would be frustrated too, and I see nothing wrong with Jenny venting her frustrations on here from time to time.

Minnie, I'm puzzled as to why you've taken offence at Jenny's posts and say that she doesn't belong here. I thought this place was for carers of all kinds. Surely all carers should be welcome here, whether they have willingly become carers or whether they have been forced into caring by circumstances, whether they are content in their roles or resent every minute of caring?

Scally - love the poem you posted. The words are very true to your humanist values.

Sometimes Jenny likes to discuss things from a philosophical/moral perspective, rather than concentrating on the physical aspects of caring. I see these discussions as helpful, because caring can be something of a moral minefield and to many people telling lies goes against the grain, even when they are white lies to save the feelings of their carees.

[Sajehar]

But isn't that the whole point?
Jenny's posts have helped me (maybe not in the way she thought) and I feel for her; whatever that means.
Is not that the point of a forum? What does Forum mean? A market place...

Whatever happened to the principal of I may not agree with you, but I defend your right to say it.
Unless stuff, especially difficult stuff, can be discussed openly, and fearlessly, then we're not discussing at all.
We are playing into the hands of those who want us to be at each other throats, because we're not at their ones instead. It's called 'divide & conquer. '
I put up with this all the time regarding my futile efforts to help my estate against the leccy companies.... doesn't stop me though.
I know what I'm doing is futile, but I don't care. I'd rather spend a life of futility than go along with United Utilities.

[Greta]

I really scarcely know the forum, but I usually find Jenny's posts very helpful and honest. I have the feeling that they annoy some members so much that some of the judgemental replies are trying to shut her up: you don't belong in this forum; Jenny doesn't really want answers etc.
I just wanted to say I don't understand it, but I would prefer people not to try to shut her up.