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The stress that comes from lying - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

The stress that comes from lying

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
105 posts
Um,what would happen if he did? I assume there is some process the social services go into in such cases - ie, when the caree doesn't want to be in a home and their family won't take him out. Does he get made some kind of ward of court, and then the SS access his savings to pay for his care?

Its all just so wretched...
Hi Jenny

Your words "It is all so wretched". That is not a phrase I would have used, it is not the way I would word anything but I really do think that it covers the situation. Social Workers claim to be damned if they do and damned if they don't. They at least get an income us Carers would love to have. Carers never win and all for a rubbish £55 per week. (That is what is was when I lost Carers Allowance). The whole situation of relatives caring for family members needs a total review on all possible fronts and then some. The situation in unsustainable. Carers are ill and stressed, financially bruised and battered and even after they are criticised by some for putting the caree in a home or if it is a death there are relatives who have not been seen for years coming out the woodwork demanding this and that. It is outrageous - the country depends on us loving our carees and wanting the best for them even if it kills us and sometimes it does.
Duncaring
Meanwhile the banksters who trashed our economy still get their grotesquely huge bonuses. Something not quite right here . have you figured it out yet?
Hi Scally

Reading between your lines I would say that perhaps the best people get the least money and the bad people get the most? Or Carers get sh@t on by all from a great height?
In a different life I was an early battered wife. I learned from that and the first to benefit from what I learned was the one who taught me. Poor boy - he taught me well and he got the fright of his life. Maybe time Carers frightened the government and all it minions.

Duncaring
Carers never win and all for a rubbish £55 per week. (That is what is was when I lost Carers Allowance). The whole situation of relatives caring for family members needs a total review on all possible fronts and then some. The situation in unsustainable. Carers are ill and stressed, financially bruised and battered and even after they are criticised by some for putting the caree in a home or if it is a death there are relatives who have not been seen for years coming out the woodwork demanding this and that. It is outrageous - the country depends on us loving our carees and wanting the best for them even if it kills us and sometimes it does.
Duncaring
Totally agree Duncaring. A lot of carers are under huge stress and then have to jump through so many hoops to get meaningful, practical help that often they just soldier on until they drop.

I'm lucky my parents had enough savings to fund Dad for a year or so, but have to balance his needs with my mother's desire to stay in her own home, even though her pension is not sufficient to cover the cost of living there. Once her savings drop to a certain limit we will have some very tricky decisions to make. If Mum can be persuaded to downsize to sheltered accommodation that might be a solution, but then the council will probably wade in and take half the sales proceeds from the house for Dad's care and she could be back at square 1! I'm seeing a financial adviser next week who specialises in this stuff, so hopefully he'll be able to help. Meanwhile, I'm keeping my worries to myself, as Mum would worry herself sick if she knew the battle I'm going to have to get funding for Dad. Even if we get 'full' funding, in our area it is capped at about £430 a week - £200 less than Dad's fees, so there will be top up fees for Mum to pay of over £10,000 a year! If she refuses the council may move him into another home, so it will be a battle of brinkmanship and I'm already losing sleep about it. My parents remain in blissful ignorance and I must try to keep it that way. More white lies.
Hi She Wolf

The only way there will ever be change is if the country is brought to its knees over the care issues. There are two problems with that, We love our carees and will do our best for them. I remember the miners' strike and we have the Conservatives in power at the present time. Call me Dave was never a hands on carer!

Duncaring
Just a thought, but would it help if they got divorced? Then each of them could divide their assets and ring fence them for their own personal use, rather than have to give up their share to the other one?

Um, hmm, can someone divorce a spouse with dementia? Surely these days it must be possible? (ie, compared with Mr Rochester's mad wife in the attic!)
Overall, some sort of 'communal self help' may be the only answer. Rather than try and hit the government over the head repeatedly to adequately fund caring, carers will probably have to club together in some way, to share the load.

When my son was a baby, I shared a nanny with another couple - neither of us could have afforded a nanny of our own, but we could (just!) afford to share one. One nanny could cope with two babies.

Would the economics of caring work the same way, I wonder? Or even scale up, so that, say, three carers could look after six carees (not sure what the ratio of carer to caree is commercially in care homes?)

For the older generation of course, the real problem is 'long life, but not good health' -

In a way, ironically, the NHS is to blame - intervening to stop nature taking its course....
(I wonder, though, if longevity is lower in somewhere like the USA, where there is no NHS? I don't think it is, though. So something must be providing medical intervention somehow.)
Hi Sussex

The Government agreed to health care from the cradle to the grave and they failed. They also agreed to pensions for women at 60 and men at 65 and they failed there too.
An awful lot of failure going on. Today they are saying they have enough money for flood victims. They still give tons of money in foreign aid. Will they have any money to care for todays carers when they land ill or in need of care?

Duncaring
Hi Sussex

The whole thing shows the level of people we have to deal with in our efforts to care for family. They are beneath contempt.

Duncaring
105 posts