Thinking about the stress of caring, it came to me that a substantial part of my stress is the lying I have to do. It's because, when my MIL is with me, I have to live a lie. I have to lie to her in the sense that I can't tell her how stressful it is to have her with me, how terrified I am that this whole carer situation will go on for years and years and years, how much I simply don't want her living with me, don't want to be responsible for her, don't want to look after her, don't want to have to change anything about my life to accommodate her.
I have to lie all the time she's here - I have to smile lyingingly to her in the morning, and be lyingly cheerful and nice, and lyingly jolly and lyingly smile as I ask her what she'd like for lunch today, and whether her hotwater bottle needs heating up, and whether she'd like another cup of tea, etc etc etc.
I have to lie and lie and lie.
Because telling her the truth about how much I can't bear to be her carer, how much I just want her to GO AWAY, would be just unbearably cruel and vicious (and pointless, since there isn't anyone else to be her carer anyway....)
So it isn't just the pain in the neck nuisance of having to look after her, it's not being able to tell her how much I hate having to do it.
Hmm, who knows, maybe she's lying too. Maybe she hates having to be with me, but it's just a bit less worse than being on her own 400 miles away unable to get out of her flat any more.......maybe she's lying as she smiles and is nice to me, which she unfailingly is, and wishes me to perdition.
I have to lie all the time she's here - I have to smile lyingingly to her in the morning, and be lyingly cheerful and nice, and lyingly jolly and lyingly smile as I ask her what she'd like for lunch today, and whether her hotwater bottle needs heating up, and whether she'd like another cup of tea, etc etc etc.
I have to lie and lie and lie.
Because telling her the truth about how much I can't bear to be her carer, how much I just want her to GO AWAY, would be just unbearably cruel and vicious (and pointless, since there isn't anyone else to be her carer anyway....)
So it isn't just the pain in the neck nuisance of having to look after her, it's not being able to tell her how much I hate having to do it.
Hmm, who knows, maybe she's lying too. Maybe she hates having to be with me, but it's just a bit less worse than being on her own 400 miles away unable to get out of her flat any more.......maybe she's lying as she smiles and is nice to me, which she unfailingly is, and wishes me to perdition.