The Poor Ould Fella goes on holiday - a short story

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The Story of the poor old fella and his holiday!!

Well! this is a story that warrants the telling, if not only because it is the second time today that I have written it! How so? Well, stupidly, I typed it directly onto the Forum, forgetting that in deepest and remotest Devon the internet is not a constant - so, lo and behold, as I submitted the story to the forum, the internet blinked and all was lost.....


Why? you might ask, well, I have got the sodding story in my head and it needs an escape - a bit like me..... :)

Well, a very kind lady at Devon Carers suggested that I break would do me good ( understatement) and that given our miniscule income now I have had to close my business, a Grant would be available to pay my fare for a few days away!! Yippee! So we applied.

Well, the thought being for the beginning of October, his kindly daughter in Melton Mowbray offered to have him for about 9 days - even better, thought I. :)

Said that she could arrange for her counterpart up in the Leicestershire area to cover the care that the poor ould fella would need, him having dementia and all, and not being able to deal with his stoma. Good Ho! Leave that with her. :)

Daughter now says cannot do 9 days, as she is going away for a weekend - can we truncate somewhat? Yes ( little groan) of course. :dry: So book poor ould fella's tickets on railway train - he can be taken to station by carer and picked up at other end, so all well. :)

Stoma nurse rings to say she has NOT been able to arrange care for poor ould fella, he can't deal with stoma, daughter is reluctant to learn, and not that interested, but does register him as temp patient at local surgery, who say it will take a week or so AFTER his has arrived to arrange care - no use as he will be home by then. :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

Send half a day on internet trawling through care agencies, poss respite care anything I can think of. Contact about 10 possibilities. JUST THREE respond and two of those are negative. Quietly curse! One says 'Yes' but cannot confirm until TODAY just 4 days before he is due to go - so this might all fall apart yet! :S :S :S

Anxious that much needed grant has not arrived, contact kind lady to discover that she FORGOT to send one of the forms off and now the grant will not arrive until after I have got home. Curse slightly more loudly as rent is also due this week. What to do? Ask for an advance from poor ould fella's son - yes, maybe that will work. :-??? :-???

From the back of beyond now we have no car, and the buses are every 3 hours.... Carer will take poor ould fella and see him onto train into correct seat with all correct luggage. I ask my son to take me the following day. Why cannot I go on the same day as the poor ould fella? Oh yes, my brother cannot pick me up at Manchester because it is his birthday, and my sister cannot because our paths are crossed and she has gone from north to southwest ( for a wedding) while I am going from south west to north! I was asking my son to take me to the station, if you remember, oh, he cannot because he will be in Cornwall! So I contact the local support group - no they don't work on Saturdays, but, as the POF used to drive for them when he was OK, yes, they will find someone - bless you! :kiss: :kiss:

Concern is expressed for Poor ould fella, on train, will he fall asleep and miss getting off? Lo and behold! The train service has a wonderful assistance service for which there is no charge - Rakeeb at Crosscountry trains, very kindly arranges assistance - this service is well worth knowing about..... :) :)

Almost. It could all fall apart if the care agency phone today and say they cannot provide for POF's needs - also daughter phoned last night and confirmed everything was all arranged for her Dad to sleep in a campervan in the garden!! What? he is 71, and not at all well, and it is a 3 bedroomed house, and they do see that their doggies sleep comfortably in the master bedroom, but Dad goes in a camper van! More silent curses at this!! he will probably be OK I tell myself, and if all goes awry with the stoma and bag - well I am a long way north........ :dry: :dry:

We still have no transport to bring us home on the respective days....... but, hope to have solved that. SO, everyone, hope that the phone call today frm the care agency works out.... or it will be PLAN B which does not exist,

of anyone planning a trip to the Victoria Falls, Mount Everest or even The Moon, I am a well qualified organiser, as you can see........... :roll: :( :(
Oh Mary, you'll need a stay in a rest home yourself to recover from the saga of planning for this holiday!

I can't get over the POF's daughter! Why doesn't SHE sleep on the camper van?! Selfish mare!

Good grief what a saga! I HOPE it finally happens. But it does seem, sadly, that the time is coming when you have to accept that he just can't live 'at home' with you any longer, or at most, for very much longer.

it's clear, too, that his daughter is a 'waste of space' just about, and this is very typical of 'hands off' relatives - they may offer respite and help, but then it gets whittled down, and back, and first it's less time, and then it's campervans etc's all part of the general 'Look I just don't want to be bothered by all of this anyway!'.

I think, really, you have to 'include her out'.

His family will NOT either 'come to the rescue' or even help AT ALL.

Which is why, so sadly, I think you are approaching the point maybe in the new year ? where you have to think of 'big changes' which, probably do have to involve residential care for the POF??? What other options can there be??

Mary, I do know from my own experience with 'inheriting' my MIL that it can take a long time to 'realise' the full long-term implications of dementia. For nearly half a year I still thought that MIL could move south, go into a little rented flat near me (instead of 400 miles away!) and with me just maybe popping in mornings and afternoons to 'say hello' etc, she would be 'fine'.

But of course that was impossible, and gradually the 'rented flat near me' turned into 'sheltered accommodation' near me and then, finally, into 'care home' near me. She could, in effect, do nothing for herself, and that was that. BUT when I first 'inherited' her I NEVER thought of care homes at all! It took me six months to come to terms with that.

So, whilst I do understand why you want to keep him 'at home' as long as you can, I do think it's time for plan ahead for next year. I do hope that the holiday does actually happen, but I suspect it will only point in the direction that future such 'jaunts' are impossible, and that such respite breaks for you are not viable......his family just sound 'useless' in that respect alas, (Sigh)(but so common.....)

Have a GOOD break when it finally comes together, and hopefully it will work out in the end for this respite.

PS - just to say re losing text - what I now do (having been stung as you have often!) I now do a 'Mark' (click Shift, hold it down, and scrolll the cursor up over the text to turn it blue) then hit Crtl C 'copy text' which sometimes I just do Ctrl V into an empty word document I open specially, or else just 'hold in memory' or wherever Crl C copy goes (!), and then unmark and hit 'submit' . If it does vanish I've got the Crl C copy held or in Word doc, to repaste into the reply box here. Good luck!