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Carers UK Forum • The dark toll that caring can take....
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The dark toll that caring can take....

Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:00 pm
by jenny lucas
A sobering news story below

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... atoes.html

He was 40, had been caring for his mother for ten years, and was on anti-depressants.

Now, we cannot know either the personalities, or all the details - let alone of the ten previous years he spend caring.

All we really know is that caring can take a dark toll in some situations.

I know I mustn't 'over-imagine' this scenario, or make he out to be monstrous, and him much-put-upon - it could be quite the other way round.

My point is that those who cannot cope with long-term caring should not have to.....

Re: The dark toll that caring can take....

Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:12 pm
by helena_1512
He just snapped Jenny. Not right I know but I do have some sympathy. I wonder what help and support he was getting? 10 years is a long time. Very sad frankly

Re: The dark toll that caring can take....

Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 7:43 pm
by bowlingbun
As the mother of someone who is brain damaged, it's a life sentence for the family. No one wants to know if you recognise you can't cope any more. Even the GP.

Re: The dark toll that caring can take....

Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 10:51 pm
by MrsAverage
It sees this is just the opening summary by the prosecution. It will be jnteresting to hear the defence case, and the eventual verdict.

Re: The dark toll that caring can take....

Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:35 pm
by jenny lucas
I agree, Mrs A. As I say, without knowing the people involved, a writer, for example, could 'write' this case in two completely opposite ways, one where the mum is saintly and the son a brute, and one where the mum is a nightmare (even if completely unintellionally!) and the son driven, as Helena says, to the edge and 'snaps' .

It doesn't sound like he 'intended' what happened, more than he manhandled his frail mum, and that her death came as a result of injuries he unintentionally called. I guess the case may depend on whether he did or didn't 'assault' her - but it does rather look as if he did....however much provoked.

I think my concern is that it is so easy for outsiders (ie, non-carers!) to think 'Good God, this is disgraceful - a grown man who attacks a frail, ill old lady - appalling!'

But 'we carers' know how incredibly challenging caring can be, especially when it goes on for ten years.

I know from myself that had I not been able to put my MIL in a care home, I seriously think I might have driven the car with both of us flat out in to a wall. And that was only after six months or so....

As I say, in the end I think the point is - some caring set ups are just not sustainable.

It's all just desperately sad all round.

Re: The dark toll that caring can take....

Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 6:56 am
by Mick_1707
Biased and sensationalist reporting.
Here's a less sensational report: http://www.stourbridgenews.co.uk/news/l ... y_is_told/