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advice caring and work - Carers UK Forum

advice caring and work

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I care for my partner who has fms/chronic fatigue/ depression/anxiety - also had a breakdown last year

I work full time nights supposedly finishing at 7am

yesterday I didn't finish until 9.45am which put pressure on caring for my partner. when I approached my shift manager all I got was " its in your contract that you may be required to stop ". I was given no prior notice about stopping - it was due to another shift not doing their job properly.

where do I stand? any advice will be really helpful
Hi Mick,

Juggling working and caring is difficult, especially when working for an unsympathetic employer.

For advice, look here https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... y-act-2010 Read the top part first about "Discrimination by association," and then scroll down to the part about "Reasonable adjustments."

Are you employers aware that you care for your wife? If not, then I would consider letting them know in writing. Make sure they realise that you hav been doing this for X amount of years, so they can see that despite this, you manage to be a reliable worker etc.

I hope this was a one off, if it isn't: ACAS are also good for advice, they have a website and a helpline.

Melly1
It may also be worthwhile joining a union if there is one covering your work area. In my experience they are pretty good at helping negotiate reasonable adjustments and can be very practical sources of advice specific to your work area and employer. Good union reps will help you work out what you can ask for and how to do it and if necessary can raise your issues with HR without triggering any confrontation with your manager.
I can definitely recommend joining a union. I was in one when I was made redundant, and the rep was brilliant. It's hard to face 'experts' in HR when you don't know employment law inside out like they do, and my rep was in my meetings, and advised me, and did the negotiation on my behalf, which I really appreciated.

Try to keep a 'conciliatory' attitude, making it clear you 'want' to work well, but that the home situation is very, very trying.

Is your partner getting any outside caring at all? Sadly, it's all too common for carees to become totally reliant on 'family carers' and think that is all they need and want, and don't think about how hard it is for their carer. When it's man and wife carer/caree situation I think it's worse, as the non-sufferer (you!) tends to feel guilty that they themselves are 'all right' and therefore have no business complaining about stress etc etc.

it's a dreadful thing to say, but often carees do become very 'self-focussed' on their own woes. I know that 'systemic' problems like FMS are hard to treat, and can themselves cause depression, but I do hope your partner is getting whatever treatment is out there, and is also having their depression and anxiety treated. They MUST 'do what they can' to ease the care burden on you. So long as they're making an effort, that's fine, but if they are just 'collapsing' on you, and expecting you to 'carry them' then that is NOT fine!

You, too, have your own life to lead, and yours is as valuable and important as your partner's. It isn't your fault they have health problems, and they are lucky to have you to help them! Do hope you're appreciated!!! :) :)

All the best re the work situation - stress at home and at work is too tough to cope with. If you break as well, that is no help to anyway, not your caree, or your employer, or you.....! So you do need to look after yourself too.

Kind regards, Jenny