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Terrified about the country and my future - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Terrified about the country and my future

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I don't know about reflecting guidance, but Bowlingbun's post certainly reflects the differences throughout the benefit system for those unable to work, let alone those who can.

Carol, it's really important for you to look at what YOU want out of your life, as you will have one after caring. As you do volunteering for the RSPCA I assume you like working with animals, so maybe you could look into qualifications in that area, not only for your own self confidence but also because doing something positive will help the future not to seem so bleak.
Well, let us also get sadness into perspective by taking a more cheery, longer view - as the philosopher said: "This too will pass" is always a good reminder for those either enjoying good fortune, or those have a rotten time of it.
I've been down on my luck a few times, actually probably a lot more than some folk here. I dont know if walking the long dusty roads of Australia looking for farm work, sleeping rough, without a penny to my name, and suddenly spotting a dollar in the dirt so I can buy a pack of fags counts as down and out with some folk. Maybe they even consider it a vacation, but I've been there, worn the T shirt, and always bounced back - more through the force of positive thinking than by any external circumstances. You can make your luck.

One of the reasons I am not opposed to work-fare is that I was put on it in New Zealand and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's not all doom and gloom out there in welfare-land, you know!
I think that it is important that we do not invalidate someone's perfectly valid and rational fears based on our very different circumstances and experience, it is not helpful, what is helpful is insight and empathy.

The problem always for me is knowing what will help someone deal and live with the fears they have, fears which are based on what is happening in their life and policies and circumstances over which they have no control, so that they do not impact negatively on their health and wellbeing and this is only possible if one knows the person and their circumstances well.

Ultimately I believe that coping with the difficult and, on occasion, life-changing aspects of life comes from within us and finding and utilising our personal coping mechanisms can be difficult for someone whose life is predicated on the needs of someone else leaving them little or no time to look after their own physical and emotional needs or if they are so exhausted they no longer have the emotional resources to find their own, individual means of dealing with their fears, what has worked for me over the years is not going to work for everyone, it may work for no-one.

I also recognise that there can come a point where seeking help either from a GP or a counsellor, for example, is the best way of finding ways to deal with the depression and/or anxiety which can come from these fears, medication will not take the cause of the fears away but it can give a breathing space and, carefully prescribed, give the opportunity to think things through unclouded by a sense of hopelessness or overwhelming anxiety. Likewise counselling can give an opportunity to consider other ways of thinking about things, and I wonder, Carol, if you might find this useful because the fact that you are so troubled you are unable to sleep and no longer want to live when your mother dies concerns me and I think that you may benefit from this type of support in addition to the support which you can find here.
Glad to hear that Scally. You can help out with my husband then when/if they put me on workfare AGAIN because i certainly WONT be doing workFARE AND caring!
To an extent,I suppose,EVERYONE,in some way,worries about the future.All any of us can ever do,really,is take life a day at a time.Be happy in that day.
We are all entitled to our own opinions. You might think the link is helpful, but I really don't like it. That's not to say I am right, or you are right, we just have different views. Many years ago, I was in a queue, when the two women in front of me were talking together. I wasn't eavesdropping, they were right in front of me. They had both been to sign on, and it was absolutely clear that were absolutely determined to live off benefits rather than work. At the time my husband was working hard to provide for his family, especially as I couldn't work because our son had LD. His taxes were going to these idle women. I have really mixed feelings about the term "scroungers". I would put these two women firmly in that category, I would have little sympathy for them. I would put the really ill in another category, through no fault of their own, they need the support of the state. The problems for any government seem to fall into two - how do you tell the difference and what do you do with the ones in the middle? No one will ever get it absolutely right, and I'm very glad I'm not the one deciding!
Hi Carol,

You will have read on the forum many times how many of our members are left with a massive void when the person they care for dies. Quite a few going through it now. We dont know when it will happen or what situation will be. All the more reason to take each day as it comes but if strong enough start preparing now for the future.

Do you have any outside support? Could you attend any courses, whether they be personal hobbies or training.Do you have a local carers group? Being isolated can sometimes magnify how we feel so hopefully by mixing with others we can start to enjoy daily activities.

x x
When I get the chance to work with carers in group discussions, I always try to encourage them to try something new or different, to get an outside interest away from caring that they can use as a lynchpin when the time comes for the caring to stop.

All work and no play will kill you.
I also think that getting away from caring enables us to retain the sense of identity we had prior to caring for a family member, too often we forget our identity as an individual in our own right and identify primarily with the person for whom we care and with other carers forgetting that we have other skills, talents and interests, particularly when the caring role is intensive and there is little time to just be ourselves or follow our old interests. When caring stops we can no longer identify ourselves as a carer but we have no other identity to fall back on and this loss of any sense of identity makes moving back into mainstream society harder than it need be.

Add isolation to the loss of our personal sense of identity and the difficulty becomes greater, it can be hard to mix again, we can feel, rightly or wrongly, that we have lost our social skills and we can find ourselves with people who, because we identify ourselves solely as carers, we feel we have nothing in common.

Losing someone we love is devastating, losing our sense of ourselves makes coming to terms with that loss and returning to a life which is not dominated by caring infinitely more difficult. I think that we all need to be aware of how important it is to remain in touch with society outside caring, whether it is through friends, which can be difficult because carers tend to lose touch with people once they start caring, or by finding an activity which is unrelated to caring. And I think that social care staff need to recognise the importance of providing alternative care so that we can spend time just being us.