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Terrified about the country and my future - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Terrified about the country and my future

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Scally surely we should be concentrating on bringing those living standards in Africa UP instead of bringing ours DOWN to what they have to put up with.
They are doing it already - growth rates are 6% in some more favoured African democracies - so watch this space.

As for us, we are weathering this very difficult recession far better than many other European countries. Lets not please do the " Gloom and Doom" because there is a great deal to fight for. So, dont ask what this country is doing for you, rather ask, what are you doing for it? Because far too many carers are preventing economic growth by refusing to share the care with anyone else. That isnt saving the country money, that is actually preventing economic growth. Because carers who work in a paid job create or support two (or more) jobs, one for themselves, and one for the person that is employed to care for their caree. Thats why this deeply flawed argument that carers are saving the economy £100 Billion a year is invalid - carers who give up paid work to care are actually damaging the economy, overall.

(Still dont get it? OK, lets consider this: money is simply the means of exchange, it has no real value now you cant swap it for gold bars. If we increase the money supply, and also increase the number of people exchanging services and goods for money, the economy booms. So, carers can help matters by giving up unpaid caring and taking up paid work, thereby creating jobs and wealth. And THAT is why carers allowance is so miserable, and why it stops at retirement age, the Treasury does not really want more people to quit work and become carers, because they lose two lots of income tax and have to pay more in unemployment and carers benefits: just go figure).
Scally,
That's an interesting argument, but I think carolc who started this thread could do with a bit of moral support at the moment. She's really worried about what will happen to her after she is no longer caring for her mum. I always feel very negative when I'm tired and overworked, it's good to get out in the fresh air and enjoy the sunlight and the changing seasons. This weekend I'm escaping the routine, going to Bath for a couple of days, then to Devizes to see relatives and chill out. I'm going to stay in a beautiful place which has a 50% single person discount, so it's quite cheap just for me. For medical reasons, it will be my first short break for a couple of years. I know that when I come back I'll have a spring in my step once more, and feeling much more positive about the future.
The National Health service is not all free. We have to pay for dental treatment and some people are being told that they cannot have essential treatment unless they pay.
I have a friend who is 21, diabetic for years but has diabetic retinopathy,and severe sight loss.She was told that if she could pay,then she could have the urgent treatment to try and save some sight, but the money would have to be paid immediately. My husband was offered the same when his sight suddenly went in 1997.We could not afford it ,(the cost would have been £5000)and we had no credit card at that time,so he is now registered blind.He did have surgery,but it was 6 months too late to do any good.The young woman's parents managed to scraped together enough money,and her sight has been saved.

So now,we Carers have another thing to feel guilty about.Not only are we scroungers but we prevent economic growth too. Image Image

If I win the lottery and not go out to work, am I still preventing economic growth?
I think that some of the posts here show, not only the gulf in income between the better-off and those who are entirely dependent on the Welfare State, but also the gulf in understanding that the better-off have about the lives of those whose only means of meeting their basic living costs is by claiming benefits along with ignorance of the negative impact that changes to the benefits system are likely to have on those who have no alternative to claiming.

The changes are very real, the effect on the people these changes are going to impact on is also very real and the concerns expressed here are both valid and justified so forgive me if I think that some of the suggestions offered by the better-off are not very helpful.
In the end,what does it matter?We live,we die,the world goes on,and worrying never changed anything.....only actions do that.You can pray to your God,if you have faith,you can attend your political meetings,if you have a belief,you can march in the streets,if you want to bring about change.But in the end,Jelly Babies still go up in price. Image
Parsifal,

My youngest son with severe learning difficulties is on benefits, his income is enough to give him a good standard of living, he doesn't pay a penny in housing costs, all paid for by Housing Benefit, no Council Tax either. I'd love to have the income that he has. Widowed suddenly 5 years ago, disabled in a car crash soom afterwards, I'm unable to get my pension until I'm 62. I'm left to survive on my late husband's life insurance, my son and his partner have moved in with me so we can share the bills. I might live in a lovely part of the country, but it doesn't pay the bills. I might now be entitled to a bus pass as I've just turned 60, but that's not much help here if there are no busses to catch!
Parsifal,

My youngest son with severe learning difficulties is on benefits, his income is enough to give him a good standard of living, he doesn't pay a penny in housing costs, all paid for by Housing Benefit, no Council Tax either. I'd love to have the income that he has. Widowed suddenly 5 years ago, disabled in a car crash soom afterwards, I'm unable to get my pension until I'm 62. I'm left to survive on my late husband's life insurance, my son and his partner have moved in with me so we can share the bills. I might live in a lovely part of the country, but it doesn't pay the bills. I might now be entitled to a bus pass as I've just turned 60, but that's not much help here if there are no busses to catch!
You are talking about yourself and your son, people's experiences of claiming benefits is far wider than our individual personal experiences, you can read some of it here but it is also available elsewhere. I feel that it is unwise to assume that personal experience is in any way definitive, the world contains far more complexity than personal experience would suggest and this equally applies to the lives of carers and those for whom they care.
Parsifal,
In the past, some people have criticised comments which I have made on this forum. I was told to stick exactly to my own situation, and my own personal experiences. My recent posting reflects guidance. I remain concerned that the person who started this thread is terrified about the country and her future. I hope others will contribute to supporting her in various ways.
I remain concerned that the person who started this thread is terrified about the country and her future. I hope others will contribute to supporting her in various ways.
And I completely agree with you BB, I'm all for open disussion but a bit of common sense is needed here, never mind that some feel the thread needs cheering up.

Carol, I have had a quick look at your previous posts. Sounds like you are going through a rough time hormonally as well as being a bit depressed? Anxiety (I get it too) is a real snake, it sends the mind spinning and envisaging all sorts of awful scenarios, the thing to remember is there are steps you can take to address it.

Now then, your lovely mum. Image It is obvious just how much you love her but you know it's not right to "cling on to her" don't you? I doubt that many mums would want their daughters to be so dependent on them that the daughters want their lives to end when their mums does.
Would your mum want to hear that from you? I don't think so somehow. Image

Carol it is really important to make a life for yourself apart from your caring role. This can even be done while you are caring, computer course of some type, doing something at home. I notice that you do volutary work fro the RSPCA and that is a great idea. I know not everyone agrees with voluntary work but when you are low the worse thing is to be at home all the time and being away from caring for a few hours (for those that can) is a good release.

I don't know if your mum is housebound or what kind of condition (if any) she has but is it not possible to share some of the care enabling you to have time away? This is not a judgement on how you look after your mum but it really is so important for you to have a seperate life so to speak. It is all too easy to become entrenched in caring when the load could be shared and for you to think that your life will finish when mum's does means that you have allowed your own identity to be erased..don't let that happen. x

As you can see by the differing answers to your post, some think we have never had it so good while others think the opposite. I think the important thing to do is to focus on the here and now and not what might happen in the future because we have no way of knowing for sure what will come. What I do know for sure is that worrying about it is non-productive, it doesn't help and makes you feel worse and yes, I do know that is easier said than done. Image
I truthfully think you need to rethink how you look at things Carol and try and make some small changes. You sound so sad and frightened but it doesn't need to be that way, honestly. A wise person said to me that we can't change what will happen but we can change the way we react to it, very wise words.

Time for you to be happy again Image x