tattered

[margaret aitchison]

Hi all, not been on here for along long time, what with one thing or another. Bills uti's are getting worse as is his dementia, its getting tattering, I feel so bad sometimes cos I get cross with him. He seems to be going through a stage of a spoilt child wanting his own way, then shouting at me if he cant get it!!! tho I have noticed he doesnt do it with anyone else. Family and friends invite us out and he gets so excited all day he asks "when are we going, when are we going" then when we get there after halfan hour he's asking to come home. If I say later he makes up excuses like he needs the toilet (his commode. If I take it with us he says he can only use it at home. Any Ideas ??
My patience wears so thin I feel as though Im not doing my job inlooking after him properly.
wishing all other carers peace xxx

[Lazydaisy]

Margaret, I am sorry I have no ideas, but wanted to send you a big (((((HUG))))).Life must be so difficult for you now.

[susieq]

Hi Margaret,

no advice as such, but it might help your patience if you try to remember that the reason Bill shouts/get cross with YOU is because he feels 'safe' with you; ditto wanting to go home when out - home is the place he feels most secure because it is most familiar to him. It is important that those with dementia are surrounded by what is familiar; change of any sort seems to engender fear which increases their confusion. I remember once trying to describe dementia to someone by saying "imagine waking up in a strange country, not knowing where or who you are, surrounded by people you don't recognise and not knowing the language - wouldn't you be frightened and agitated ?"

UTI's and dementia do seem to be definitely linked and if you can keep the UTI's under control then the worst periods of dementia behaviour seem to be less. Dehydration is the most common cause of the UTI's, and as we all know, dehydration also increases confused behaviour in those with dementia.

But rest assured, you are looking after him properly - it's the bl**dy dementia that's the problem. Are you in touch with your local branch of the Alzheimer's Society ? My support worker at our local branch had lots of suggestions for coping strategies which I found useful - from walking out of the room for a short time to distraction techniques.

[poppett]

(((HUGE HUGS)))...............

from one Margaret to another.

You are doing brilliantly, as Susie says it is the disease and UTI`s causing the problems. I had the same problem with mum but learned to leave the room without comment, count to 20 and return with a changed topic of conversation. She seldom remembered the previous shouting match.

Take care
Meg