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Taking all the responsibility and sacrifice - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Taking all the responsibility and sacrifice

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
No advice. Just that i feel
Ur anguish. I have two fit brothers who do sweet FA for our mum. I Am currently packing her house of 20 years up to sell as she is going into an extra care unit. All that lifting and shifting ud think would be the least they could do after ive spent the last few yrs caring day in day out? No course not!
Having been in a similar situation, at least if you are responsible for tidying up the home, you can make sure that you have what you want. If your brothers were involved they'd probably just chuck it all in a skip. It's a very hard task though, once it's over try and treat yourself to a weekend away somewhere as a reward. You certainly deserve it.
True! Xoxo
A hidious week ahead. Multiple shifts not covered and I have to fill in again. No help from hubbys parents, just more emotional blackmail why they cant do it but no real reason, just excuses. They havent even bothered to think about how they could make it possible, they wont even go there. And theyve told me why the rest of the family cant give up something, the same thing I give up time and time again. Its like they dont even think of me and what I sacrifice,im not even in their consciousness. Why is it ok for me to give it up? Am I less of a person? I feel like hired help. u know what, if they stopped making excuses and just said we cant do it, its too much, were not strong enough, I wouldn't judge them for it. But they dont, they turn their stress inwards on me and I feel blamed. I feel like they are angry with me for daring to suggest I need them to help. And yet I cant do it all. I have given up my whole life and I am miserable. I am close to breaking. I want to walk away as i feel this life will never change. Then I see his face and I can't do it. I cant leave him, I still love him, but the pressure they put on me is too much. My friend says they will never do it, its not even about me, they just will never do it and never have. There will always be an excuse. If I wasn't here, he'd be in an institution. They'd get on with their lives and visit him and pretend like life is normal and he'd suffer tremendously. The very thought makes me so angry and bitter it will eat me up. I want to scream at them and say don't you get it, I've given up my whole life and it isn't fair and you'll never never say to me we know, we are sorry we can't do it, we are sorry it makes it worse for you, we are sorry for putting ourselves first, we are just so sorry for it all. I'm crying in my car after a long drive home from work, I've struggled all day just not to breakdown in a mess. I am thinking of the prospect of more years like this and I cannot bear it. I cannot think of a solution. I cannot do it anymore, I am so miserable, I hurt so much, I cannot remember feeling normal.
You must take sick leave and go and see your doctor, social worker. I quite agree, you can't go on like this. It's not your fault your husband is ill - it's actually the genes his parents gave him at the end of the day. Do you have a counsellor? You need some help and support and it doesn't sound as if you are getting any. Perhaps the Samaritans could give you some support in the immediate future, to help you find a way through in the short term. Please take care.
Lil r. I agree with ^^^^ it sounds like you are now ill because of lack of support. I havent got out of this cycle yet, but i hope you do. Hugs xxx
I agree too. You need some help and support, but you're obviously not going to get it from family, so for your own sake, it's time to see what other support is out there.
I have just read all the posts and I feel for you all.I am a carer for my 86 year old Mother she has dementia and cannot walk very well. I am lucky I have a supportive Husband. Today has been a bad day My mum has only just got up (4pm) she was very moody this morning would not even drink a cup of tea or eat anything. She forgets who I am but knows my husband is her son in law. Sometimes I feel very lonely as my husband has to work in the day. Money is very tight at the moment as well.
My Mum is very adamant that she doesnt need a doctor. Her consultant came to see her 3 weeks ago. Promised us all sorts of things i.e. walking frame and maybe a wheelchair so we can get her out when the weather is better. Nothing has happened as per usual her GP doesnt want to know and if I ring up I am told to call an ambulance if she is that bad she needs a doctor - what a waste of resource for the NHS they are saying dont take anyone to an A & E unless it is desperate. So what do we all do soldier on I suppose. Being a carer is hard and can be soul destroying I can get out for a bout an hour a week as per stepson will sit with her when he is here.
I love my mum and dont want her to end up in a home, but life is very difficult, she doesn't like strangers.

So we all struggle on. There is no help out there, nobody is interested if you are old.

Sorry my moan is now over.
It does seem as if the elderly are becoming increasingly marginalised in an NHS which concentrates on making ill people better, especially with the cuts and the targets to be met, a problem I've also had with my mum. If the GP is being so difficult, might I suggest NHS Direct. Several times I've rung them about other family members, if they tell you to go and see a doctor, and then you say you've had a word with NHS Direct to the doctors receptionist, they seem to respond better. Your practice may be different of course. In Hampshire, medical equipment like Zimmer frames comes from Adult Services , formerly Social Services. You really do deserve better support from the doctor than you are getting.