- Member
Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:54 pm
I am sure there are many of you who may relate to this, sadly.
Care let's you down and you are just expected to drop everything, including your job to come home and fill in. It happens so many times that you are no longer angry with the nhs. But here's the sad part. You are angry with the others in your life that do not share the sacrifice. This time I dropped everything, I had to cancel a class that has taken me two weeks to get into, cancel dinner with friends who I see infrequently and leave work early, which means I cannot make up my hours, as I already have to go to other appointments with hubby, so I'll have to loose some holiday too. My mother in law rings to say it's a shame they cannot help me. I am thinking well why not actually? There is two of you, you don't work and as far as I know you have no plans this evening. Yes, it would put you out, but less than cancelling made plans, loosing rapidly deminishing holiday and risking being seen as unreliable by my boss. This happens almost every time. I have to sacrifice everything, but why? It is too much for one person and I have no one else to share this with due to my partners severe disabilities, he does not have capacity to support me. I just feel taken for granted. Hubby's parents can decide when they can take on responsibility, whereas I have no choice. I know they find this hard and it breaks my heart to see how it effects them sometimes because I love them, but it is hard for me too and I feel like my life is more disrupted. I just feel very tired and sad. I need more from them but have no idea how to ask. What would be lovely, and what upsets me so much, is I wish she had said do you want us to come down and help? I don't want to ask. I want them just to know and understand the depth of burden and grief when things go wrong.
Care let's you down and you are just expected to drop everything, including your job to come home and fill in. It happens so many times that you are no longer angry with the nhs. But here's the sad part. You are angry with the others in your life that do not share the sacrifice. This time I dropped everything, I had to cancel a class that has taken me two weeks to get into, cancel dinner with friends who I see infrequently and leave work early, which means I cannot make up my hours, as I already have to go to other appointments with hubby, so I'll have to loose some holiday too. My mother in law rings to say it's a shame they cannot help me. I am thinking well why not actually? There is two of you, you don't work and as far as I know you have no plans this evening. Yes, it would put you out, but less than cancelling made plans, loosing rapidly deminishing holiday and risking being seen as unreliable by my boss. This happens almost every time. I have to sacrifice everything, but why? It is too much for one person and I have no one else to share this with due to my partners severe disabilities, he does not have capacity to support me. I just feel taken for granted. Hubby's parents can decide when they can take on responsibility, whereas I have no choice. I know they find this hard and it breaks my heart to see how it effects them sometimes because I love them, but it is hard for me too and I feel like my life is more disrupted. I just feel very tired and sad. I need more from them but have no idea how to ask. What would be lovely, and what upsets me so much, is I wish she had said do you want us to come down and help? I don't want to ask. I want them just to know and understand the depth of burden and grief when things go wrong.
Really sad to hear what you say. I sometimes used to ask people to help. Now I dont and just try to carry things myself best I can. Sometimes I think I ought to be more assertive but yes, it would be nice if someone thought about you and actually said, "This is a lot for you to do alone. What can I do to help ?" It sounds so simple. Simple to us that is. I could say a lot more. All along the same lines. But I'd just get more cross and sorry for myself.
