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I think I am cracking up - Carers UK Forum

I think I am cracking up

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I have never wrote anything in my life but I felt the need to put things down. Is it my state of mind at the moment??? What do you think?
The Tears Are Falling
Just said goodnight to Mum
It could be the last time
Tears are running down my cheeks
I try to be cheerful for her
I say I’m OK – couldn’t be better
But underneath I’m breaking down
Have I given her permission to go

I will know tomorrow
In the morning when I go in to wake her
Will she still be there
Or will she be an empty shell
Cold and not there

I have had two years of this
My sanity is being tested to the limit
If not for Paul I would have been taken away
In a straightjacket
He comes down every weekend
Takes me and mum out everywhere

She can’t remember going out
Thinks she’s been sat at home
It can be quite difficult
After all the effort to move her about
She has no idea where she has been

If we don’t take her out
She starts to sulk
Her mouth goes down
And says what a nice day
It’s not raining the sun is out
So we take her down to the pub
For a bite to eat

We don’t take her very far
She doesn’t travel very well
I took her to the seaside
For fish and chips
But she had no idea
Where we were

I can’t take her shopping
She can’t see the goods inside
When we get home she can’t remember
Going out for the day
It’s a waste of time
And my energy
What can I do
Kaz,
Your doing everything you can do, YOUR BEST. always remember that.
(((((Kaz))))))
Minnie
Thank you
You will be included in my prayers tonight Kaz, try to get some rest you will need all your strength for whatever the morning brings xxxxxxxxxx
Hi Kaz, Your poems are both beautiful and very sad. Thinking of you at this difficult time. Anne x
You do what you do and you do it so well,
Don`t run yourself down you`re just Human.
When times are so hard that you want to give up,
Let the Forum be your extra crewman. Image Image
Kaz, I have just lost my mum 3 days ago, I posted in a bit more detail elsewhere on the forum.

Not cracking up but under intolerable pressure as is anyone who is waiting for the end to come for a relative. We enter the twillight zone, listening to the breathing in case it stops, preparing for what we know is coming but we don't know when.

If you can, when mum has her careworkers in, get outside of the house, even if it is for half an hour, even if it is to escape to the garden you have made so gorgeous. Please keep posting your poems because you are expressing so well how so many of us feel and it will help you to get it down in writing.

You have suffered a loss last year and now this..let us help you along. x
(((HUG)))xx
Kaz,
Big hugs from me, it's such a difficult time, so many mixed emotions, just keep telling yourself you are doing a brilliant job, because you are.