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Carers UK Forum • Suicidal thoughts
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Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 11:15 am
by Peter_2009
Any other carers have suicidal thoughts, and what did you do to overcome them?

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 11:35 am
by Melly1
Hi Peter,

It sounds like life isn't getting any easier for you.

What is the situation now regards your Mum, is she still in hospital?

What about your wife? Is she letting the care workers do more for her?

Have you spoken to your counsellor about how you are feeling?

Sorry for all the questions. I have felt at the end of my tether, more than a couple of times, usually when I'm battling on behalf of S or more sleep deprived than usual or feeling trapped or under pressure with too much to sort out. I have an innate desire to feel in control. When I feel like this I know I need some self care (and preferably before I get to feel like this). You said before that you are sometimes able to escape for a few hours and have some time away. Are you still able to do this? It sounds to me like you need more time to yourself.

Melly1

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 11:47 am
by Peter_2009
Melly1 wrote:
Thu May 06, 2021 11:35 am
Hi Peter,

It sounds like life isn't getting any easier for you.

What is the situation now regards your Mum, is she still in hospital?

What about your wife? Is she letting the care workers do more for her?

Have you spoken to your counsellor about how you are feeling?

Sorry for all the questions. I have felt at the end of my tether, more than a couple of times, usually when I'm battling on behalf of S or more sleep deprived than usual or feeling trapped or under pressure with too much to sort out. I have an innate desire to feel in control. When I feel like this I know I need some self care (and preferably before I get to feel like this). You said before that you are sometimes able to escape for a few hours and have some time away. Are you still able to do this? It sounds to me like you need more time to yourself.

Melly1
Hi there
Thanks for replying
Sadly my Mom died not long after having all the problems we had with the carers, my Mom died of Covid, and I wasn't allowed to help or see her because of the virus.
I don't get out and still feel trapped I have had calls from social care asking do I need sitting services but I always refuse because their ring me when my partner is with me!
Things are better than they were, but I just don't think my life is going anywhere!

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 12:27 pm
by Melly1
Hi Peter,
I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Very traumatic. If you want to talk it through, (I know you said talking doesn't help, but just in case) then here is a link for support for those who have lost someone to Covid https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavir ... d-support/
Dealing with this on top of everything else, must be magnifying your problems.

Getting out would help, you said in one of your old posts,
Sometimes if I go out in the car on my own to a shop or somewhere, for that short time I feel so free, it's hard to explain
so I think this is worth tackling.

Re social care ringing you when you are with your wife - if this happens, you could ask them to hold the line whilst you take the phone-call in another room (you could tell your wife a white lie, like they are asking for a meter reading or similar) or ask them for a name and contact or email address so you can contact them when your wife isn't beside you. Alternatively, you could have a frank conversation with your wife and tell her you need to get out of the house more, but are worried about her and would like to arrange a sitter, to ensure she is safe whilst you are out, so you can relax and not have to worry.

Melly1

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 12:55 pm
by Peter_2009
Melly1 wrote:
Thu May 06, 2021 12:27 pm
Hi Peter,
I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Very traumatic. If you want to talk it through, (I know you said talking doesn't help, but just in case) then here is a link for support for those who have lost someone to Covid https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavir ... d-support/
Dealing with this on top of everything else, must be magnifying your problems.

Getting out would help, you said in one of your old posts,
Sometimes if I go out in the car on my own to a shop or somewhere, for that short time I feel so free, it's hard to explain
so I think this is worth tackling.

Re social care ringing you when you are with your wife - if this happens, you could ask them to hold the line whilst you take the phone-call in another room (you could tell your wife a white lie, like they are asking for a meter reading or similar) or ask them for a name and contact or email address so you can contact them when your wife isn't beside you. Alternatively, you could have a frank conversation with your wife and tell her you need to get out of the house more, but are worried about her and would like to arrange a sitter, to ensure she is safe whilst you are out, so you can relax and not have to worry.

Melly1
Thanks Melly
I just get these days, some people are in a far worse situation to me and I feel guilty writing posts like this, but I have to express my feelings in some way especially after losing my Mom, I care for my partner not my wife, we have been together 19 years, but our relationship changed over a year a go after her stroke and I became her carer, I love her to bits and feel so sorry for her, and I would feel like I was betraying her if I had a stranger sitting while I was out. Its such a difficult situation and hard to put into words.

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Thu May 06, 2021 4:17 pm
by Melly1
Peter,

Perhaps look at it from a different angle. If roles were reversed and you were the caree and your partner was your carer - would you want her to spend every moment with you or would you like her to be able to go out occasionally, knowing the break would do her good?

Melly1

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Fri May 07, 2021 2:08 am
by bowlingbun
My mum was always saying she could manage without carers but she couldn't. When I had major surgery, she finally realised shouldn't. After a short time, she looked forward to their visits, hearing about what they were doing with their families etc! Maybe it would help you both to have another person involved? Even if you call that person a "domestic help" who does the jobs you like least?. Then you could go out, or have a rest now in someone else was there to care?

Re: Suicidal thoughts

Posted: Fri May 07, 2021 2:33 pm
by Peter_2009
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri May 07, 2021 2:08 am
My mum was always saying she could manage without carers but she couldn't. When I had major surgery, she finally realised shouldn't. After a short time, she looked forward to their visits, hearing about what they were doing with their families etc! Maybe it would help you both to have another person involved? Even if you call that person a "domestic help" who does the jobs you like least?. Then you could go out, or have a rest now in someone else was there to care?
It's so difficult getting anybody else involved it's been over a year now and I have just come to the conclusion that this is it.