STOMA CARE

[Mary_16121]

Have you had or considered any counselling. You g.p. could refer you. You are sounding bereaved. Although the person is still here you are experiencing loss. Are there any carer groups in your local area. Other carers in similar situation usually have better insight to your situation. This forum is a good starting point.

https://whatsyourgrief.com/ambiguous-gr ... ill-alive/
Have a read of the link -don't be put off by the description.

You now need to create a new life that runs parallel to the old. Think of it as a new Job. You have you job description what do you need to adapt/learn. Develop a new box of tools.

A new support/friends net work.
Make sure you have me time.
Find new leisure/hobbies.
Have you applied for a carers assessment.

Thank you again, yes, I am bereaved, and I am mourning not only the loss of my man, but the loss of the business I spent 11 years creating, I am furious that I am a carer by default because I live with him. There is no one to help me, his children are 200 miles away. We are not married, we have only known each other 7 years and lived together for 5, people keep telling me to walk out and get on with my own life....

I have a plan, and that is to keep working from home, as a distraction, and so that when the worse happens, I still have something to fall back on. I am writing a fiction book, when I have a mo, and last week I had counselling for the first time - it helped.

If I ever finish the book, and publish it on amazon you can look on your kindles and tell me what you think

Bless you all
xxx

[Christine _19091]

It’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way - after all, dealing with our own bodily fluids is hard enough let alone anyone else’s!
I’ll give a few tips though..
Firstly, speed is key when dealing with the high output - clean, dry and apply as quick as poss! Less chance of leakages. Also lay everything out you are going to use in order so you’re not looking for things half way through. Pre cut in advance the bags.
The longer spent cleaning the more the bowel is manipulated and works faster ‍♀️
Keep a hand over the bag once it’s on so the body heat helps the glue set well.
Last of all, anything containing gelatine will help thicken the stool so less spurting! Marshmallows, jelly babies etc..
all practical advice and I’m sure you may have heard most of it before.
Best of luck! Stoma care is not easy!

[bowlingbun]

I'd like to start with a reminder that no one can be forced to care for anyone else.
As he has dementia, it is almost inevitable that at some point he will require residential care.
As you have pointed out, the dementia on it's own, or the stoma on it's own, might be more bearable, but the two together are making your life almost unbearable.
The choice of WHEN he goes into residential care, is yours alone, because without your care, it would be inevitable.
Clearly, when he had the stoma, you had no idea at all of what life was going to be like for you.

I would recommend urgent counselling, not to help you deal with all the mess, but to go back to basics and talk about whether or not you want to continue caring?
If you do, what do you need to help you in your caring role?

Now for a few questions, looking ahead at future arrangements.
How old is he?
Who owns the house?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney?
Do you know what his financial situation is? (Over or under £46,000 for both of you, or £23,000 for him alone).

[MrsAverage]

The thread was started over 2 years ago...
But am sure there are still stomas out there needing care

[no1mum]

There are a lot of people out there who struggle with stoma care and are embarrassed to ask for help and advice it may be they come on and read the advice here but don't post up themselves.