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Still caring for my gran ..feeling low today. - Carers UK Forum

Still caring for my gran ..feeling low today.

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Haven’t posted in a while.
Just an update really
Still caring for my gran on my own,aunt still hasn’t been over 5 months after I begged for help.
Uncle hasn’t visited since December (lives across the road)
I’m feeling a bit low today but have accepted this is my life until she passes away.
Hope everyone is okay and doing well.
Sarah, why are you still doing this without any help? YOU are the only one who can ultimately change this situation, while you are still doing it, no one else will care about you. We can only give advice. You are the one to act.
Hi Sarah

I remember you well. I am so sorry you are in the same situation.

Do you get any respite?

Has anything changed?

Is your Nan worse?

You REALLY don't have to keep on on your own. But YOU are going to have to be the one to change things. Your relative are never going to help you. This is very very hard. I know making the decision to put my Dad in a nursing home was a terribly difficult one. But things have improved hugely since the decision was made. We are there for you if you want to seek help. If you are not ready for Nan to go into a home, then there are still other options. Short term respite, day centres, carers coming in.

What can you do today to feel better? Can you get out for a walk. Meet a friend for a coffee? If these things are not possible (and at your age they should be) please try and change things so you can have some time for you.

Sending a big virtual hug.
Sarah hi, and welcome back - though I think we'd all here far rather you DIDN'T come back - as in, we'd far rather you'd escape from your Care Prison and were actually having your OWN life finally....so I'm really sorry to hear that you are still in that Prison.

Sarah, though, the dreadful thing is that, as the others are saying, and as we said before, NO ONE WILL RESCUE YOU.

I do feel that you are still 'waiting in vain' for your appalling aunt (I DO SO HOPE she ends up with no one to lift a finger for her the selfish cow!) or uncle (ditto!) to come and rescue you from your gran.

They won't.

Sarah, can you look at the situation from this angle? What strikes me is that you are, sadly, behaving as a 'child'....I don't mean that rudely ,but bear with me. 'Children' don't make decisions for themselves, they do what their 'elders' tell them to do.

I feel that's what has happened to you. You are rejecting finally 'growing up' and staying with being a 'child'.

As a 'child' you meekly put up with your grandmother, put up with your vile aunt and uncle etc, and meekly sacrifice yourself for them.

I do think, quite truly, you really do have to 'grow up'. Grow up and take responsibility for your life - not wait 'meekly' while others (your gran,aunt and uncle) make decisions for you (ie, they've 'decided' they want YOU to be their victim, so that's what you are....)

I do realise that can come across as 'harsh' - but SOMETHING has to 'shake you up' and 'wake you up'. Your precious youth is passing you by. But you CANNOT stay a 'child' for ever, being bossed about by the 'grownups' (your aunt/uncle/gran).

Being grown up is scary, as it means taking charge of your own life, but it has to happen sometime. It's WAY overdue for you!
Hi Sarah , depending on where you live that 5 months or 21 weeks could have saved your aunt as much as £1500 x 21 = £31,500 in nursing home costs and counting..... No wonder they have left you to it.
Please try and seek some help for yourself.