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Start of dementure? - Carers UK Forum

Start of dementure?

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My 70 year old husband, who had a stroke in April, is becoming agitated. He was one of the old school and always managed the family finances. I got my housekeeping each week it never had any idea. Of his take home wage. Of course now I have to deal with paying the bills etc. I was advised by our bank to get him to agree to having my name on his private bank account whole he was still able to sign the form. This has made life a lot simpler for me. We are not short of money, as we get his old age pension and his works pension. He for annoyed yesterday when I said I would have to write a cheque to pay for our credit card account which had just arrived. He accused me of spending all his money which was rubbish, I was buying Xmas presents for the grandkids. The crazy thing is that before his stroke we would have gone out and bought the same amount of presents for them using his money!! I just lost it and said in that case he could pay the bills by cheque himself and walk to the post office to send them. (He can't walk very far with his stick and has only the use of one arm) He is really driving me nuts and now told me that as Xmas is next week, we should be buying extra food. I am really beginning to wonder if he has the beginning of dementure caused by the stroke especially as his father died of dementure.
Hi Irene,
Yes, it could be, but only because a stroke can lead to the onset of vascular dementia. You need to ask your doctor to refer your husband to the memory clinic (at least that's what it's called here), and they will do various tests to at least guide you in the right direction. Once that is done get onto social services to have a needs assessment and carers assessment.
Finances are a nightmare at the best of times; I would suggest you write everything down in plain english so your husband can refer to it often. If it is dementia you will get very used to going over things again and again, so having the same information to hand for you both can be very helpful.
Hope some of this helps, good luck
It sounds like it definitely could be. Dad had a stroke with recent diagnosis of Vascular Dementia. He is the same with money- they seem to think that because they can't personally spend it or even get to it, it will sit in their bank account untouched growing forevermore to be used for who know what?
Dad seemed unwilling to spend more than £5.00 on his only grandson's birthday recently because he "doesn't get any wages anymore". He also has both state pension and private pension! Totally out of touch with reality.
Hi Irene
If it turns out that your husband is indeed suffering from dementia, and it does sound suspiciously like it, you are going to have to be very practical to save yourself a lot of unwanted hassle later. When you say the your name is now 'on' your husband's bank account, do you mean that it is now a proper 'joint' account or do you mean that the bank has accepted you as able to sign cheques on his behalf? (Just ask yourself, I don't want you to tell me your private business).
If it is a joint account the it automatically becomes yours when (sorry - I'm not trying to be unkind) your husband passes away - hopefully some time away yet.
However if it is not a joint account then it will be frozen until after probate and you will not be able to get any money out for quite a long time. Unless you have plenty of money in your own private account, you will then encounter difficulties at just the wrong time.
Do you have a son or daughter, very trusted friend or anyone who could advise you? If not then I would contact someone like AgeUK for advice.
You also need to get on top of exactly what your outgoings are - the money you have to spend every month on bills and food etc -and consider what position you will be in when your husband's pensions stop arriving.
You also should find out whether there is any other money around, in savings, in ISAs, premium bonds, anything that you now need to understand and know about.
Now is the time to get this sorted. You do not want to be floundering later, even if it's years later.
Have you also considered Lasting Power of Attorney? You should look into that too, and urgently.
Best of luck.
Thanks is everyone for their advice. Yes, his bank account is in joint names now. I managed to get him to sign the form the bank gave me so at least I will have access to it. I know it is very difficult for him to understand that he cannot handle our finances any longer but I am finding it very wearing having to repeat the same story over and over again. My daughter suggested that she or one of her brothers should offer to take over the finances but I told her that he would absolutely hate that. The crazy thing is that he insisted that I buy a new car a few weeks ago as my old one was costing me a fortune to keep it on the road. I now have a lovely 2014 bright yellow corsa which I love and he didn't object to spending a lot of money on that. He did, however, insist on me taking him to our local dealer so that he could oversee the procedure. He was a nightmare, could hardly stay awake on the seat and I had to leave him in the care of the salesmen while I took it for a test drive, but that was him proving he still was in charge. I read all the comments from other carers and wonder how on earth you have all coped for so long with little outside help. I have only been doing this for 7 months and am struggling already. My house feels like a prison with strangers coming in every day to care for him. The only place I can call my own is my bedroom. I dread to think of this carrying on indefinitely. Why do nurses, doctors etc who come to the house always ask how the patient is feeling and never ask how the carer is feeling. We have a community mental health nurse who comes in and is concerned because he is depressed and is giving him medication to make him feel happier!!!! Please can I have a bucket of happiness.
Hi Irene
Find out if you have a local carers association, your social services department should have the details, and give them a ring.
I am not caring at the moment but I know how draining and difficult it can be. If you can find something to be just for you then it will definitely help even if it's a nice bath and good book a couple of times a week; you need to be kind to yourself regularly.
Take care