Sorry for long post but need to let it out

[Rainbow600]

thank you for the replies. it does help somewhat to know that i am sort of in the same boat we all are. thanks rainbow for your message. i have already added you on facebook and spoke to you on there. Sian R?

Minnie, i am glad you got on ok. it is stressful been to a medical before and by the end of it i sleep loads as i have worn myself out so much and ended up coming hope feeling drained etc.
we had to go shopping and mum pushed me out the door but when i got there it was busy and i started shaking and panicing and really wanted to go home. so i spent the hole time pushing mums wheelchair holding on for grim death and didnt speak a word. sooooo glad to be home but feeling sick again and have a huge headache. its soooo hard and i hate moaning as its not just me who is going through it and me being a carer should affect my claim for esa as i help mum phsyicaly cos she doesnt need help mental wise if yo know what i mean?. i aint got any hobbies really. listening to music helps a bit. just dont feel like much.

now i feel like a nut .
Your not moaning tho your finding life sooo hard ,i dont know how i would cope if i was in the same situation as you ,ill msg you (((hugs)))

[Sianie87]

i do feel like i am always moaning or something. think i should have posted this on the other thread.
still feeling awful and just cant seem to get out of this feeling. i hardly had any sleep last night. i am hoping that i get some sleep tonight. i just keep thinking and not switching off.

[bowlingbun]

If you are caring for your disabled mum, then I believe a recent judgement said that you are also covered by the Disability Discrimination legislation? This requires people to make "reasonable adjustments" for you. If you want the assessment to be completed at home, then you can ask for that. If you don't, then ask them to make sure that your appointment is held on time, because of your caring responsibilities. If you are claiming you are unfit for work because of your current mental state, then I would think that turning up in a right state was exactly what you wanted to prove? If you are paying for the driving lessons, then just tell them that you can't make the lesson on that day and you need to cancel it completely, not just change the time. Don't ask them, TELL them. Be assertive and take control of this at least.
I've been a carer for over 30 years, and know how you can gradually get worn down because there is simply too much to do and not enough time to do it in. Working out my priorities on paper certainly helped me. I always recommending writing down the problems which you have, in order of worst first. Then work out what needs to happen to make it better or resolve it. eg struggling to push the wheelchair - get a powered chair. There are lots of charities out there with funds to help. Then work out a list of what is most stressful - on top of everything else learning to drive seems to be adding pressure, could this wait a few months until you are more able to cope and concentrate. Lessons are so expensive that you want to be in the best possible mental state to gain full value from them. Then work out what helps you destress, for girls I'd suggest a massage, hair do, facial. When did you last have a short holiday? T

[Sianie87]

I have never heard of Disability Discrimination legislation? what is it.... having a home assessment is really out of the question as mum does not want them (atos) here. also i am not sure how i can make atos run on time? they never tell me or my mum anything. not sure if i will turn up in a right state as i will try and keep myself calm as to answer the questions but at the moment it seems unlikely. I have been advised to print out a copy of what i put on carers uk to show to my doctor but will try and not let my mum see it.

I did sent my driving instructor an email explaining what is happening last night but think she will get it tonight. i cant really stop driving lessons as i need to get it down in order to help my mum and have been given a slight grant of our council to help with driving lessons plus i have come to far so to speak to stop now and have passed my theory.

We have gone into a powered wheelchair but we would have to change our car and mum does not want too and it will be more for me lift in/out the car.

holiday?? whats a holiday? i have not had an holiday since i was 5/6 and have been caring since i was 16 on/off but more on now.

as for the list thing i am not sure where to start. i seem to have so many things going on that i dont know where else to turn and who else to turn too. everytime i ask for help it doesnt seem to appear.

[bowlingbun]

You are clearly very stressed, so you need to work out your priorities for the 1) next week 2) the next month, and 3) the next year. Start writing the lists. I know it will be difficult but it's important. It will help you focus on what your priorities are, they are your lists, for you alone, and you can change them every day if you want, but write them. Work out what you need outside help with - getting a holiday this year could perhaps be included in this? Work out if you can put some things to one side for a few months whilst you focus on the others. Money is clearly a concern, so when did you and mum last have a benefits check, to make sure that you are receiving everything you are entitled to? If mum needs more care, has she had a recent care review? Have you contacted the Carers UK helpline for advice re benefits and ATOS? We all need to let off steam now and then, but if you could focus on your problems one at a time, and share them here, then it would be much more constructive. Don't think I must have had it easier than you. I doubt it. But I do have a very positive frame of mind. Whatever rubbish life has thrown at me recently, I am determined to enjoy my life as much as I can, while I can. I've nearly died twice in the last few years, this is not a flippant comment at all. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own happiness. If we can't help ourselves, why should we expect anyone else to?

[Sianie87]

i will try the list at some point just got to get my head together. we have had a benefits check and we are getting the right amount and acording to welfare right i am better off on esa then just carers allowance and the income support top but i might be better of money wise but not health wise. mum has had an assessment nothing more than can do at present as i had said i can cope with mum its the government,dwp and atos i cant cope with.

I know what atos are like as have dealt with them before and acording to welfare rights because mums needs are physical there is nothing stopping atos/dwp awarding me esa as mine are mental health problems as they have done this before but i always have to go back in 6months and they never put me in the support group as acording to them i am not bad enough and they consider a returnt to work within 3/6 months.

a holiday does not sound like an option at the moment as i have already had help this year of the council for driving lessons as i know they wont help me as they told me they cant so would have to save darn hard. i would like to go down south but its getting there as i am unable to use public transport eg trains etc and mum cant drive all the way down there and of course petrol costs.

I find it hard to have a positve mind as thing tend to go wrong and always with mum and i and now of course everyone is worrying about DLA and PIP change as the rules are sooo stupid and a mising out valuble information that is on DLA form at the moment and from what i have the point system is laughable.

i dont expect anyone else to make me happy, i know only I can do that. just seems hard and no way out.

[bowlingbun]

Try googling "Holiday Grants for the disabled". There are all sorts of things available, I can't promise that they will be suitable for you, but there's a possibility. Our local Rotary Club have funded various things for disabled people locally, perhaps someone (GP, Social Worker) could contact them on your behalf. They should not need to know your real name, just your circumstances. Everyone needs a break now and then. I hope this helps in some way.

[Sianie87]

a break would be good. just still feeling and i have been messed about with my doctors appointments been changed 3 times already and i face been taken of the physio books coz i canceled .
no-one will/or can help till the **** hits the fan. tried my mp the person who mum spoke to, to try and find out what dwp are hiding is off ill and no one can help as it seems strange to have taken this long to call me for a medical

[bowlingbun]

Did you know that you are entitled to look at your file under the Freedom of Information Act? Jill

[Sianie87]

ohhh which file is that Disability Discrimination legislation