Sorry for long post but need to let it out

[Sianie87]

where do i start but need to talk? i havent posted for a while or even looked on the forum.
As some of you may know i filled out a medical esa50 form about 5months ago as also being a carer i suffer from depression,anxiety,social phobia and unable to go out alone and was getting worried that i had not heard anything but today i finally heard that i have to go for a "medical" face to face assessment. mum went round in circles between the dwp and atos most of the day to find out why i was being asked to attend as i have put every scrap of information i have on the form and even mentioned that the exceptional circumstances apply as in it would seriously affect my mental heath to be found fit for work as my gp has mentioned in her supporting letter that everytime i go through this and my money is stopped i get worse. we had a tiny
bit of hope that they would look at the exceptional circumstances and apply them after the 2nd phone call but no.

I feel numb also worried,scared you name it i feel it. i have hardly said anything today or eaten really. mum has had to make me eat and to get me to try and cook some form of tea which i didnt really eat i have been like this since the letter came and feel real down and depressed. i only take 1 anti depressent as i an unable to take more as they affect my weight and i gain weight which is not good as i suffer from pcos.

I feel like i am going to loose my mind, have a break down or something (already have a banging head and a nose bleed as i cant cope with all the stress of this again. Mum has appoitments and i cant go out of the house but how else is mum gonna get there i have physio on thursday but i cant face it . i am so scared about the medical its unreal and to add salt i have a driving lesson on the day of the medical. mum tried to cancel for a different day but they just changed the time. i help mum with the physical things as she has mobility problems and she is struggling to get me to help as i am so down.

i have made an appointment with the doctor 2 days before the assessment and i really feel like saying i need a psychiatric help as i really cant cope amd now sobbing as i type this but its not that i cant cope with my mum its that i cant cope with the dwp and atos and all the changes the government want to do and living in fear as no one knows what will happen to carers and dla. i want to come off esa but know i will lose alot money wise.

I feel like i would be netter of somewhere else and then all the stress would go away. if its not me havin to fill in a form its me having to fill in a form for mum as she has just been sent a esa form which has now been sent back and the fear of mum loosing her dla (she has only just been awarded indefinate dla) and how will mum cope with the changes and how will i get my head around filling in pip form as it so different and counfusing and what will happen to carers the list goes on. I have even tried looking for work in a desperate bid to get of esa and make up the loss of money i will take but getting knocked back all the time. I will loose over £40 a week

sorry for the long post but i dont know what else to do i cant even sleep. i am so exhausted

[Conned]

Sian, I read your letter twice, once to see your plight and the second to nod in agreement.
I know that feeling of being stuck indoors and I visibly shook when going shopping once a week.Then hubby took me into town and left me there, I went in every Charity shop and found someone to talk to in each one, the confidence came back. What the DSS dont realise is to put Mum into care would cost them a darn sight more. Carers are at last being heard and surely someone, perhaps Age Concern can come and fill in the forms ? ask for their help. I agree its not the caring its the justifying why you need money, begging and pleading for what we believe is right.
Please try and get out for an hour, , you will have to do it a few times to feel " human " again.
A big HUG and I am sure you will get a lot more help than I can give.
Conned.

[Minnie]

Sain,
This is what I am doing in two hours from now, been called in for a medical assessment
I am very nervous at the thought of it , being sort of scrutinized and bullied , and
the thoughts of being examined terrify me. I am tempted as I am writing this to
you, not to go. I have got the attitude now SOD THE LOT OF THEM.
It seems this e.s.a. is done in stages , a few months, then assessment, then if
lucky another few months and so on. its like red tape , their policy no matter
what your situation is. I don't see why you should have to go sain as you are still
a carer, but it seems to be the same for everyone.
Go and see CAB they will help you, also with forms for mum if age concern do not.
Im going to go, getting nervy again, I will let you know how I get on.
Minnie

[Myrtle]

No advice Sian, sorry, but
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

it makes me soooo angry that people are put through this

[Melly1]

Sian - I'm so sorry you are under so much pressure. Officialdom forget they are dealing with real people who often have genuine difficulties. I don't have any experience of any of this. I think you do need support whether it is CAB, Age concern or an advocate. Sending you cyber support.

Minnie - hope your assessment isn't too traumatic and the person you see has a glimmer of compassion and understanding. At least once you've been you'll have done it.
Sending you cyber support too.

Melly1

[Sianie87]

well this morning/afternoon does not look any better at all. i know i am and its affecting my mum now. she is having a go at me "change my face" or "i cant put up with you" etc.

i feel the pressure building up and up. i have asked for help before but no-one does
i am too scared to got out but mum nearly dragged me out as best as she could as she had the warfarin luckily in and out in 5mins but it was hell.

i just want people to be left alone. its hard enough as it is. government claim money is being handed out in benefits without assessments. i am sorry but we are no one of them. it would be nice once in a while. with any form filling 9/10 your GP is informed to provide more information. my GP was meant to contact me before filling out anything for ATOS but we agreed this 4/5 months ago and I did not hear anything so i dont know if GP was contacted at all. I dont know where i am going to find the fit for all this. I am still waiting for my mri scan on my head because of all the migraines i am getting. i just want to curl up and hide as i cant cope with all this. i feel i just dont want to be here anymore but i knowi would not do anything silly.

i can have a homme vist if i get a letter from my GP but i know atos wont grant a home vist as acording to them i am not bad enough. how much more to they want and mum does not want them in our home.

i am also fearing that i will have to stop driving lessons as i wont be able to afford the extra lessons leading up to my test and if money is stopped i wont be able to afford the weekly lessons either and we are now trying to save every penny we have and it would bring me down more if i have to stop as i have come so far and i wont get any help again of the council with driving lessons as i have already had it. also the local carers group is gragging there feet on giving me the other grant. "oh it will be after xmas" never came "oh will be thursday, friday at the latest" didnt arrive again. she is not in till this fridayl either. i am starting to think they have changed there minds.

[Rainbow600]

Ohhhh Sianie first off sending you (((((((((((((huge ))))))))))))))) cyber hugs .
This is one hell of a situation to be put in ,sometimes it seems like the goverment doesn't class us as people ,we get paid peanuts but work the longest hours in any job yet its still not classesd the same we as cares work a 24/7 shift its so sad to hear people going thru all this .
All the stress and strain on you is taking its toll .
Do you have any hobbies like drawing or something that doesnt cost much or do you have any friends that you can talk to , been alone thru this is the worst thing there is cause without support you feel alone and lost , please dont say sorry for writing about how you feel ,you have ever right to feel the way you do because what you are going thru is hell
Driving alone is highly stressfull ,then with your mums problems and your own im amazed your still standing , Im one of the lucky ones as i only have to go to job centre once every 3 years for them to check everything is still the same ,but i had my money stopped a few weeks ago ,it took them weeks to sort it out and as i didnt have no money i went over a week with nothing to eat , the only thing that kepted me going was mainly my friend who has been there thru a lot (internet friend ) .
I just want you to know that if at any time you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on ,please feel free to msg me ,sending you more ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))).....

Minnie ...i really hope its not too bad for you sending you huge ((((((((hugs))))))) aswell .

[Minnie]

Well Sain,
Not long back, a lot of stupid questions and a lot of sitting about, they seen me
2 1/2 hours after my appointment time. so right now I'm exhausted , I had to
take a tablet to settle me after it all. God help them people if they ever have to
look after someone. Anyway going to try to switch off from it all now. give my
head a rest. Don't worry sain you are still a carer, they cant go against that.
Take care
Thanks Milly , Rainbow xx
Minnie

[poppett]

Pleased you have survived to tell the tale Minnie.

The benefits system was definately in need of a shake up, but this is utterly stupid.

My MP has befriended me on facebook, so he will be gently pointed in this direction so he can see for himself first hand what folks have to go through, just to get their basic entitlements.

Our council now want to pay employers to give young people jobs to stop them going from school to benefits.........apprenticeships and national service would have done that if they hadn`t been abolished.

Take care
Meg

[Sianie87]

thank you for the replies. it does help somewhat to know that i am sort of in the same boat we all are. thanks rainbow for your message. i have already added you on facebook and spoke to you on there. Sian R?

Minnie, i am glad you got on ok. it is stressful been to a medical before and by the end of it i sleep loads as i have worn myself out so much and ended up coming hope feeling drained etc.
we had to go shopping and mum pushed me out the door but when i got there it was busy and i started shaking and panicing and really wanted to go home. so i spent the hole time pushing mums wheelchair holding on for grim death and didnt speak a word. sooooo glad to be home but feeling sick again and have a huge headache. its soooo hard and i hate moaning as its not just me who is going through it and me being a carer shouldn't affect my claim for esa as i help mum phsyicaly cos she doesnt need help mental wise if yo know what i mean?. i aint got any hobbies really. listening to music helps a bit. just dont feel like much.