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Some days ... - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Some days ...

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Koala, some of the hardest conversations I've ever had in my work have been with carers of people with dementia. It's heart rending, and scary.

I remember a chap who was in my mother-in-law's care home. He had a memory book full of photos and took great joy in telling us about it. "That's Lester," he would say, pointing out one of the photos, not realising that he was talking about himself.

A few months later, he would point at the same photo and tell us: "That chap there, I used to know him."

Very sad - but much, much worse when it's someone you love.

The only small comfort is that she recognises that you are important to her.

Koala wrote:Thank you all.

It did kind of hit me like a ton of bricks...
Yes, same here, when Dad thought I was his wife a couple of weeks back. Disconcerting, to say the least, but at least he knew we were connected, somehow.

I think most of us try to prepare for these moments, by reading up about the way that dementia progresses, and in our minds we know that the time will probably come when they won't recognise us, but somehow being forewarned does nothing to shield us from the shock, when it finally happens to us. Knowing stuff is one thing, experiencing it is quite another.

Sending you a virtual hug, Koala. (Not a totally new experience for me, as I had a lovely toy koala when I was a child, it was one of my favourite toys.)
Yes, it is hard. My husband started to forget from time to time who I was around 4 months ago. Occasionally he thinks I am his mother. Also, even when he knows me, there are times when he thinks there are two identical versions of me (this reduplication -- I have forgotten what it is called -- is common in Lewy Body Dementia).
He also has terrible trouble remembering his son's name, or that he is his son: he'll say things like, 'that nice chap who comes to see me quite often -- you know!'
Like all of you, I send a comforting virtual hug to Koala, with the additional information that, sadly, one does get used to it.

Hugs, Tristesa.
Tristesa, the duplication happens to my mum too (mixed dementia). There are two of me and two of Ollie, the cat. Sometimes he is a dog!

I too find the non-recognition the hardest. Visiting my mum in hospital last night, she thanked me for coming and said that she wished Anne would come too ....
Hubby sometimes calls me his mum - especially when I tuck him in bed at night. :(
Violet, he calls you 'Mum' because part of him recognises that you love him and care for him just as his Mum loved and cared for him when he was a child and he remembers her tucking him at night as an expression of that love . I think you should take it as a compliment :)

When my Mum ceased to recognise me as her daughter she would often ask me "are you my Mum ?"; I would say "no, but I love you just as much".
Thank you so much Susie - bless you :)
Nicely put Susie.