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Some advice needed this Xmas :) - Carers UK Forum

Some advice needed this Xmas :)

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hello to all
What an amazing support network this is.
I am humbled to be part of such a great community.

I'm 25..my brother has a severe form of cerebral palsy and requires care throughout the day. He also has complex behavioural needs.

I wish to gain advice from some wiser experienced carers and both young carers on a very important issue I am dealing with at the moment which is tackling my future prospects.

At present my brother is cared for my mother, father and a support network of carers through a care package. It has suddenly dawned on me that as an only sibling he will be my responsibility in the near future when my parents can no longer cope and I may end up being a carer for 3 adults.

Here's where the problem comes in..I've always been academically successful despite the difficulties we have overcome as a family and I am currently at Medical School however I'm having doubts about whether in the future I will be able to be a Dr as a career and then handle my caring responsibilities at home and have my own family!

I am thinking of dropping out this year. However the prospect of being a fulltime carer frightens me especially the debt and insecurity that could result and would stop me having my own family.

Any thoughts? Anyone been in a similar situation with regards to their own career?

Kind regards.
LostMedic
Don't drop out, education is never wasted and you don't know what the future will hold. You don't want to look back and regret that you didn't qualify, or find that you have to go and start all over again when you could have already done it.
You have a right to a life of your own, caring or not, so don't waste your opportunity for what might happen.
Hi, Yes, i agree with myrtle. I care, work and study. Its not easy, but you do need to think about your future. Image
Don't give this chance away for something way down the line. You don't know what's going to happen in the distant future? Why throw the chance away on the thought of what MAY happen?
Don't do it.
Continue your studies and go for your goals NOW. Don't give it all up, pleeeeeese!
Hello LostMedic,

I agree with everyone else. Only give it up for your own sake, if you really want to, not for others' sake. That will lead to resentment.

I'm not in the same situation as you but I do work full-time and care - not easy but doable. Frankly, you will need all the income you can get if one day you need to do full-time caring. Now is the time perhaps for you and your parents to prepare for the future, ie who will care for your brother if they are not around. Maybe discuss that and research options? As for your parents, I care for my mum but my dad died before I got any chance to offer any care. You have no idea what the future holds - you might never need to care for your parents.

I would always say take the opportunity to enjoy yourself while you can. I suspect your parents would feel the same. Caring full-time is an arduous depressing job - do not do it unless you really have to.

Good luck, Anne
Many thanks for your kind replies.
I would love to be a doctor and I think it would benefit my family in many ways however I am aware that the chances of me becoming a carer are extremely high and when I was younger even though I was academically high flying I didn't completely understand my responsibilities.

Either way, I need to earn a living, the dilemma I have is- completing the course part and training part time if need be? Or, pursuing a career which is less stressful and time consuming, but not as fulfilling for me.


LostMed.
Happy Christmas !!!

Yes, ''as everyone else has said'' & I can only ''agree'' - ''don't dismiss the future'' you really cannot predict the future either, in all honesty noone can - but keep all options open & as many others have said before me, ''you can study & look after family members'' we all do it all the time; often without even realizing it.

Also talk about it with your mentor at Med school or cohort leader at University - it is amazing how many other people you probably work with who are already caring for members of their family & can give you equally good & practical advice.

Happy Christmas & ''yes'' this is an ''amazing'' forum I don't think anything like it exists online; which provides such fantastic support - within the limitations of the internet & online facilities. Take care, god bless Paul.
Image
Agree with every one else keep up your studies, you never know what around the corner, good luck, Image
Hi lost medic...and hopefully you won't be(a lost medic)!

As everyone has already said, please do think VERY carefully before throwing away the possibility of doing something that you obviously have wanted to do for a very long time.

Caring is a huge responsibility but it doesn't have to be solely yours. Not being "hands on" doesn't mean that you love or care for your loved ones any the less. I personally will do everything within my power to ensure that my children do not become my carers in the future and this may even be the case with your parents ? When you have the ability to achieve so much and possibly help so many it seems such a terrible pity not to pursue that road.

There are options...explore them please.

Bell x
Hello, lost medic, I would like to add my voice to everyone elses's and say " don't give it up".
I am a firm believer that education and qualifications are never wasted, no matter what the future may hold, or whatever path you take.
Phoebe x