[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Some advice needed? - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Some advice needed?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
162 posts
So you last had a holiday when you were about 23? That's terrible, no wonder you are feeling worn down. Days out are OK but it's not the same as a complete escape for a week, £200 isn't going to get you far, especially with the price of fuel. As I said before, you are doing far too much with far too little support. Jill
Well just had a social finance review thats done for another year .. That started mum off telling the person he's stealing my money ect ect ..

I will talk the chemist today about my mums tabs and see what they say..

I spoke to council again today and they are now sending out a application form to start the ball rolling ..
I spoke to our local chemist about mums tabs and he looked and said that there was really nothing there to cause the problem, he will speak to my dr and see if he can do a full review as mum has been on some tabs for 20+ years..
It might well be time to lay down the limits. I would give this about four weeks, notify the social services of my intention to quit, and if things dont change for the better I would literally pack my bags and head for the nearest mens homeless unit, youth hostel or a friends place. This is no kind of life for a man. I'm a carer too and I have enjoyed holidays in France, Egypt, New Zealand and Australia in the last two years. There is no reason at all that we should put up with this kind of abuse. Stand up for yourself and demand a direct payment worth what a nursing home would cost, I would probably settle for £25,000 per annum in your position, assuming I was willing to continue. Carers have no idea what a strong hand they hold.We need to get much tougher and learn how to negotiate, we are being taken for granted because we are much too soft.
All you have said Brogus sounds alot like my Hubby started with vascular dementia , (tia's) even down to the spoilt attitude,, ask for tests ... good luck xx
All you have said Brogus sounds alot like my Hubby started with vascular dementia , (tia's) even down to the spoilt attitude,, ask for tests ... good luck xx
You need a lot more than luck, you need a very hard-nosed realistic attitude and be willing to accept that things will probably not get better, only worse. There is a point where one carer cant cover all the 24/7 demands of a caree. At this point we either quit or negotiate much better help.
Did I read you correctly,Scally-"this is no kind of life for a man " ...... Image
I'd respectfully suggest that it's no kind of life for anyone , but there do seem to be more women putting up with this sort of abusive behaviour from carees (elderly and otherwise) ,than men.
whether it's because of illness,dementia or sheer bloodymindedness,this doesn't make it any easier to bear-and the very least you should expect is regular respite so you can recharge your batteries and consider your next step.
I'd also consider,Brogusblue, that at the moment you're handling the family finances as you say your Mum doesn't have any idea what anything is worth(or possibly what they cost either?).If you separate your finances ,she will not be able to say "he's stealing my money", but she may not be capable of organising the payment of essential bills either. As you share a home,this may mean red reminders and awkward situations for you too.Things could get a little chaotic .
The bills are taken care of as my bank take what bill money is needed every month and then gives the rest back, Gas & elec are prepayment..

Thanks for your great replies.. lots of things to think about and read up upon ..

I will have a chat with my dr on tuesday about vascular dementia and her mental assesment
Mum is being quite for once.. But today i feel really mixed .. one min happy one min really low.. i feel very tired,drained basicaly fed up .. Not having a good day .. Sorry for rant .. Image ..

I think i will have a word with the dr's on tuesday and see he's say's ..
Not a rant. When my son was little and very hyperactive, I just wanted him to be quieter. He went away for 5 days, and I nearly had a nervous breakdown! First I wanted to catch up on everything urgent, then when the worst jobs were done, I sat still - and realised how for the previous 8 years I'd been going non stop, no break, no support, nothing. Lots of people have a lay in on Sunday, read the paper, do not a lot. Carers seldom have the opportunity. I vowed there and then to get more support, sadly it seldom happened, but I had recognised that I desperately needed it. Take care. Jill
162 posts