Some advice needed?

[brogusblue]

I have been caring for my disabled mum who is 75 for the last 20 years, i am 38 and live with my mum as the main carer, We do have a agency come in 3 times daily 1 hour in the morning (1 carer) lunchtime and evening 30 mins (2 carers), I do the rest like household, cooking cleaning,shopping ect ect..

I officaly became my mum carer in 2003 when i gave up my business to look after my mum as her health took a turn and everything was o.k untill 2007 when mum had a fall in the bathroom and badly broke her foot spent nearly 3 weeks in hospital and 6 months bedbound due to a hospital blunder and april 2008 i had a massive shoulder injury and was recovering myself, so towards the end of 2009 we managed to get mum mobile again and things started to look up.. apart from the reoccuring chest infections due to her stop smoking everything was o.k untill summer 2010 when we notice that mum has jittering at the door ways and her mobilty was poor and slow again we called the dr and he said it was parkinsons so we started treatment and things picked up again and then 2011 we kept on getting chest infections and water infections evry week month it was non stop, In sept 2011 she saw a consultant who stopped her parkinsons med as it was drug induced and in oct 2011 mum collasped in the bathroom weakness down one side rung the dr's and was admitted with possible stroke and was treated for a possible stroke for 2 weeks in hospital (then we got told it was possible ita not a stroke but mum was still weak down one side she has since reagained the use of the arm and leg) but after a week at home mum has a massive water infection which may her forget who she was and what time its ect and was like that for 2 weeks finaly got it under control and things where back to normal untill the end of nov 2011 when i had my family up and was going out for a day i left my nephew here so she wasn't on her own also i booked a extra call with the agency i aririved back 1 hour later than planned and boy did i get it in the neck also my sister did as well then on tuesday when my sister left mum ripped into her badly and since its been hell the first 2 weeks of this it was constant laying into me verbully and it was very nasty and hateful also very personal also it was aired in front of the carers which wasn't nice for them so we called the dr in and he has asked for a mental assement this was a 10 days before christmas and since then she has been quite but still sniping at me but now cracking jokes and being nice to the carers.. we had to get the agency to put a emergency teatime call in as she doesn't trust my cooking this ended on the 23rd dec and since then i have been cooking her dinners but i am wasting so much where she is hardly eating her dinners but eats everything that the carers give her at lunchtime.. we are still awaiting the assement but the dr has given her some tabs which haven't done anything to improve the matter..

Well it was my birthday in dec and she riuned that also christmas has horrible i never felt so low in my life and still feeling low and depressed now.. I have had longs chats with my family and friends and carers about this and now decided that i need to move on as my health is not getting better i have arthritis since 15 and its now getting painful also i have a underactive thyroid since 2010 and stopped my meds to care for my mum for a year a big mistake i am now paying for it i have hardly any engery i feel tired and in pain alot i currently awaiting for hospital appointments to sort this ..

I have started the ball rolling by starting her own bank account so her money can go in there and seperate mine..

I have no compaasion for my mum now and feel i have given everything i have got and sacrificed a lot I have lost friends due to this, i don't go out much at all i feel like a naughty boy with mum,

Sorry for long post .. But i am just wondering if there is anything else i should do?

[poppett]

I do not have the answers, but didn`t want you to feel ignored.

You have been a wonderful son to your mum and it is heartbreaking when the parent turns on the child in adulthood, but you are not alone with that one.

Hope someone else will be along soon, in the meantime I will have a think and come back to you.

Take care
Meg

[Booksey]

Hi

I also didn't want to read and run. Your doing a good job under difficult circumstances, you must be worn out.

Its hard when the person you're caring for seems to throw everything back in your face.

Have you had a carers assessment for our own needs?

Hopefully some one with better answers will be along soon

Take care

[brogusblue]

Thanks ..

what upset me the most is i brought her a new tv and stand for christmas along with a coat and small gifts cost me just over £250.00, she started to throw things at the tv so i decided to take it out and sell it on ebay only goy 1/2 of my money back gave the coat to my sister and binned the rest.. I spent all day cooking a lovely dinner but she nibbled at the chicken and a little bit of yorkshire and then put it to one side and said she had finished... But scoffed the pud of mince pie and cream ..

In nov i spent around £100 on fresh meat and veg made up around 40 dinners to see mum through untill christmas and new year.. but i have binned them too .. She only eats things that i haven't prepared so its now shopping at iceland or wherever does the cheaspest dinners as i am getting fed up of the wastage.. she doesn't seem to care.. I would eaten them myself but i am a diet and need to becareful of my fat intake at the moment,,,

I have the support of my family but they don't want anything to do with her as she walked away from them in past before i was born ..

The Dr has toid my mum that she is acting like a spoilt child and said to her "don't bite the hand that feeds you" she just gave a funny looked and shrugged her shoulders...

[brogusblue]

Yes i had a carers assement in oct 2011 there was nothing else they could, they want to cut the lenght of some calls but we argued and they are staying the same for now ..

[charles47]

Neurological conditions (like stroke, Parkinsons) can make you more prone to dementias, Brogusblue, and they can lead to changes in character - it's possible that what's happning with your mum is something to do with that. Is she showing signs of forgetting stuff, or putting things in wrong places?

[brogusblue]

Neurological conditions (like stroke, Parkinsons) can make you more prone to dementias, Brogusblue, and they can lead to changes in character - it's possible that what's happning with your mum is something to do with that. Is she showing signs of forgetting stuff, or putting things in wrong places?

She has no real sense of time, money ect like she will have her nebuliser at 8.30am and then keep asking for it i have tell her that its 1pm for next one .. and she will keep asking same question over and over .. as for remembering things she is very good at that.. it's me that has forgetfulness

Its just so strange she will be nice as pie to the carers laughing and joking and next sniping at me .. or every 5 mins keep calling my name for something .. i know this sounds silly but you know when you get called by your full first name by your parents you know you're in trouble its like that ..

[daylily]

Hiya,
I have to agree with Charles on this, it does sound as if your Mum might have some sort of neurological problem. Keep a detailed list of everything your Mum does for a few days and then take it to her Doctors, ask him for a referral to the memory clinic.
If she has a problem then her behaviour is not really her fault although that does not help you at all, it still hurts when someone rejects all you do for them.

Please keep us informed, and please do not struggle with this alone.
Take care
xx

[brogusblue]

Thank you ..

I have to phone the Dr's tommorrow as mum has finished the tabs the dr gave her 2 weeks ago and see what he wants me to do?

The tabs he gave her are quetiapine 12.5mg and citalopram tablets 10mg

Her other medication she take's is:

lansoprazole 30mg

simvastatin 40mg

diazepam 5mg

domperidone 10mg

clopidogrel 75mg

tramadol 50mg

combivent nebuliser solution

Temazepam 10mg

Thyroxine 75mcg

[poppett]

It definately sounds as if your mum has neurological problems.

I am no pharmacist, but remember recently ours being horrified that the GP added diazipam to Dad`s list at night as he was on Citalopram in the morning. He is still on this combination but the dosset box is marked and signed by the pharmacist each week to say it is dosseted as prescribed against his better judgement!

When Dad had tramadol for shoulder pain it turned him into a cross between a raving lunatic and a baby. We call it traumadol.

Perhaps it is time for a full review of your mum`s medications as some of them are no longer effective after some months or years.

Take care
Meg