Social Services - advice on dealing with them

[catherine_1704]

My Dad has cared for my Mum for years. She's a double amputee, she's diabetic, registered blind, and goes to dialysis 3 times a week. Poor Mum. Dad (now 84) has been amazing.

He had a heart attack recently, followed by a double bypass which meant a stay in hospital and Mum going into respite care. He's been out 3 weeks, and social services are pushing to get Mum home already. They have suggested a good package to support them - a package that when Dad is over his operation (in about another 7 or 8 weeks time) will be perfect. But he's not ready yet.

They are pushing to send her home as soon as possible, and I'm worried that they will force that decision upon him. He hasn't had a carer's assessment yet. No-one of any professional capacity around him thinks he's ready. He doesn't think he's ready and neither does Mum.

Any advice on how to deal with it would be much appreciated.

[bowlingbun]

Both mum AND dad really ought to have a Needs Assessment done by Social Services, as it sounds like they are ignoring the fact that he's recently had major surgery. Dad should have a Carers Assessment. Draft copies of both sent to them to be checked that they are complete and accurate. Mum just might be entitled to "NHS Continuing Healthcare". Google this for more information. Only AFTER all these assessments are done should SSD even start to think about discharge.
Actually, do you think she is ever going to be able to go home again? Is she in a care home or nursing home? Can she do anything for herself? Is she claiming Attendance Allowance?
Money will be top of SSD's concerns. Do you parents have over £46,000 in savings? Own their own house?

I have recently managed to get Legal Aid for my son, to fight our local SSD, as they just ignore what I say.

[jenny lucas]

Please do remind your dad (and the appalling SS) that he has NO legal duty of care whatsoever. It's amazing he's done what he's done so far - your mum sounds desperately incapacitated, enough to challenge a fit young carer, let alone someone your dad's age and poor health.

he really does need to keep saying NO NO NO NO. And go on saying it.

it's horrible he's being put under this pressure.

Hmm, wonder if you could make a news story out of it for your local paper - or even the Daily Mail (I think the DM online has an email address to send potential stories to. I'd be shocked to read that your dad is supposed to look after his wife in the circumstances!)

All the very best in a horrific situation - KR, Jenny

[John_1407]

Capacity to care seems to be a movable feast-I remember concerns being raised because I was over fifty...

[bowlingbun]

The day after I came home from hospital having had my kidney out, 10" incision, my mum's GP tried to bully me into looking after my bed bound mum. I'd written to the doctor prior to surgery explaining that I wouldn't be able to care for mum for at least a year, if ever again. When I kept refusing, they sent mum for an x ray, it turned out she had a BROKEN LEG!

[catherine_1704]

Both mum AND dad really ought to have a Needs Assessment done by Social Services, as it sounds like they are ignoring the fact that he's recently had major surgery. Dad should have a Carers Assessment. Draft copies of both sent to them to be checked that they are complete and accurate. Mum just might be entitled to "NHS Continuing Healthcare". Google this for more information. Only AFTER all these assessments are done should SSD even start to think about discharge.
Actually, do you think she is ever going to be able to go home again? Is she in a care home or nursing home? Can she do anything for herself? Is she claiming Attendance Allowance?
Money will be top of SSD's concerns. Do you parents have over £46,000 in savings? Own their own house?

I have recently managed to get Legal Aid for my son, to fight our local SSD, as they just ignore what I say.

Thanks so much for this - lots of good advice there. I've complained in any case this morning, so will see what happens. Will enquire about Continuing Healthcare... Thanks again

[catherine_1704]

Please do remind your dad (and the appalling SS) that he has NO legal duty of care whatsoever. It's amazing he's done what he's done so far - your mum sounds desperately incapacitated, enough to challenge a fit young carer, let alone someone your dad's age and poor health.

he really does need to keep saying NO NO NO NO. And go on saying it.

it's horrible he's being put under this pressure.

Hmm, wonder if you could make a news story out of it for your local paper - or even the Daily Mail (I think the DM online has an email address to send potential stories to. I'd be shocked to read that your dad is supposed to look after his wife in the circumstances!)

All the very best in a horrific situation - KR, Jenny

Thanks for this - just good to hear support around saying no. Will keep an eye - but you're right about a good news story!

[John_1407]

Katherine, with the understanding that there'll be hundreds here who know more about the system than I do...

Check if your council is one of many (most?) who have a one-stage,in-house complaints 'system'. It should say online, but some, including my own, keep it as a dirty little secret.

If you want to go public, now would be a good time, since a court order by social-services would act as a super-injunction stopping any open/media discussion of your plight, and would incline local councillors/MPs/priests etc. not to help you on the grounds that "it's/it has been before the courts". Councillors have also been known to tell constituents that as council employees, they (i.e. the councillors) "can't go against the council's decision". Getting public support,now, from a councillor would rather commit them to continuing that support. Avoid, if you can (and it's not easy) letting anyone get away with saying "It's very complicated..." by approaching them now rather than when it's really got labyrinthine.

And yes, I'm a fine one to talk!

[jenny lucas]

Good point from John!

The Daily Mail contact is

"Got a story for us? Email us at tips@dailymail.com"

If you wanted to do so, then I would write it out in short sharp bullet points even, or a paragraph, and then use a non-main email of yours (don't put your real names in yet!) (though at some point, if the DM picks it up, then yes, you have to, because they will need to verify your story independently, or, at least, contact the hospital maybe, but they need to be sure this is a bona fide true story, and not libellous by being untrue or using false names!)


Try and put down a headline - such as

"Hospital force 84 year old heart-attack, double-bypass husband to leave hospital to look after blind, double-amputee 82 year old wife with diabetes and on dialysis."

Or maybe

"Hospital send blind, double amputee 82 year with diabetes and on dialysis, home to be cared for by 84 year old husband who has just had a heart attack and a double bypass."

Good luck with it if you decide to do it!

[Colin_17031]

Can Dad book himself into Respite care for another spell of "convalescence" and rest, possibly?