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Carers UK Forum • Share information,support and advice on all aspects of care!
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Share information,support and advice on all aspects of care!

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 12:07 pm
by JaxonThomas_2005
Hi, I've just registered here after yet another upsetting day with my elderly mum. She's 77, in early December she broke her pubic bone, she has mild cogniative imparment, about 7 years ago she had heart valve replacement and a pacemaker, which is all working well, but her condition with the broken bone has deteriortaed after she got a water infection and had to stay in hospital for 2 weeks. medication has also made her bowel incontinent and she's on laxatives which is obviously causing mess. My step dad is 63, in good health and financially doesn't need to work so is at home with her. I've arranged for careres to go into the home 4 times a day as he can't cope with mum. Me and my brother both work full time and have young families but we are there as much as we can be, usually all weekend, which is getting hard on our home lives. The thing is, we're constantly getting calls for my step dad where he's either shouting at us and saying we don't care or he's freaking out about there being some poo. Twice I've run over there in a panic only to find mum sat in her own poo while he's sitting watching tv. One day he refused to answer my calls all day and when i asked him why, I was worried, he said 'I couldn't be bothered'. yesterday me and my brother sat with mum while our step dad went to the shops (he's done this before and then just disappeared for 5 hours) and as soon a she'd gone she said if she could pack a bag and leave him she would. I just don't know what to do. I feel like i can't do anything because he's her husband but I'm worried about what he might do next, i know he shouts at her and she's often crying when i get there, but I feel like my hands are tied because he just says that's her confusion. Does anyone know who i can talk to? I've bene onto social care and they've suggested a respite week in a care home for her, but what happens after that?


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Re: Share information,support and advice on all aspects of care!

Posted: Mon May 25, 2020 1:09 pm
by bowlingbun
Start by keeping a diary about mum, i.e. Jan 1st, mum in tear because.., mum in poo..etc. so that you have real evidence. Also, if mum is in tears when you get there, can you film that on your phone? That's a tricky one, I know, but sometimes it's the only way to get others to believe what is going on.
Do you think step dad is waiting for her to die and get her money???
Does he have Power of Attorney?
In an ideal world, what do you and your brother want to happen to mum?

Re: Share information,support and advice on all aspects of care!

Posted: Tue May 26, 2020 5:38 pm
by Michael Carers UK
JaxonThomas_2005 wrote:
Mon May 25, 2020 12:07 pm
Hi, I've just registered here after yet another upsetting day with my elderly mum.
Hello JaxonThomas. I've just sent you a private message in relation to the post that you made yesterday about your mum's situation.

With good wishes

Michael