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Sex as release of day to day pressures - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Sex as release of day to day pressures

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I agree with Pet. I miss having a 'partner' - my husband sleeps downstairs on the sofa.I also miss the physical affection and the caring. He used to spend a lot of time looking for very special anniversary/birthday/Xmas but now I am reduced to buying my own or recycling old ones. It is the lonliness of caring I find hard - the sheer emotional isolation and having to make the decisions on just about everything. Yes I also miss the physical relationship too.

I would never judge anyone for looking for companionship or more elsewhere whilst a carer. But for me, the practicalities just make it an unrealistic option.
Thanks for all the reply s,I just was looking for opinions and only hoping for solutions, a discussion and opinions is always useful and appreciated, even negative ones, everyone has right to their opinion, but we need to be all civil.
helena_1512 wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 5:15 pm
I agree with Pet. I miss having a 'partner' - my husband sleeps downstairs on the sofa.I also miss the physical affection and the caring. He used to spend a lot of time looking for very special anniversary/birthday/Xmas but now I am reduced to buying my own or recycling old ones. It is the lonliness of caring I find hard - the sheer emotional isolation and having to make the decisions on just about everything. Yes I also miss the physical relationship too.

I would never judge anyone for looking for companionship or more elsewhere whilst a carer. But for me, the practicalities just make it an unrealistic option.
Same with me, i do not have the time to look and it is just my mind running wild with me, but it is always there, when pressure builds up. Before years ago they did not recognize a sexaholic or sexual addiction, now it is known and accepted illness
My problem,i would not even know where to start to find a willing partner.
Neither do i have the time to look, as i am a carer for her 7 days a week all day and just have a little time in the evening.
Thanks
I think sex is more important to some people, rather than more important for men. It is not something I would give up for my Husband. You give up nearly everything as it is when you are a carer. Our situation is different as my Husband is 84 & I'm 55. I have been in a relationship with someone else for 6 years. He was also once a carer so understands I have a very limited time to spend with him & often have to change plans!! My Husband has known nearly from the start and accepts the situation. I wouldn't say he likes it, but just doesn't want to know about it. I think without this relationship I wouldn't have stayed with my Husband. However with my Husband's increasing caring needs I would never now have the time to find another partner, so I am so glad I managed to sort it out some time ago.
I would never judge anyone for doing whatever it takes for them to be happy, and no one knows what that is other than those involved.
Have had a look through this entire post and don't see where anyone being uncivil?!

I find discussion of this topic, (specifically sexual proclivities of the OP) in this open thread as distasteful. I feel it should be in members only section.

I believe that's where similar threads were and where I contributed to previously incidentally.

GFR
G Fraser_1612 wrote:
Tue May 22, 2018 7:53 pm
Have had a look through this entire post and don't see where anyone being uncivil?!
No, nor me, and having read the OP's second post, it makes me wonder about the motive for their first post.
Hello again, Jay. There has certainly been some response but let me go through some of the points you made, and try to summarise.
. . . but still is not interested in sex. the problem is that sex always has been a pressure release and a necessity to life for me.
I reckon you are not the only one on this forum in this predicament. This applies to both sexes.
i have got chronic illnesses myself and suffer from mental health as well
So is this problem of yours being addressed? Not sufficiently, I believe, from what I have read so far.
Sorry i made things not clear.
Not at all! It's good to start with a brief summary and enlarge as and when required. Better than starting with a mass of detail, which many will not have time to read, so we go over the same ground repeatedly.
She has told me that i can go ahead and have sex with somebody else, but not in our house or any overnight stays and she does not want to be told about it.
That gets past one major hurdle that could have been a problem.
We have talked to our Dr and my wife's counselor and also now her psychiatrist, but they all just say to give it time.
It sounds as though these medical people are focused on your wife's health, not on your own welfare. I would be inclined to seek another opinion.
I live 40 miles from the nearest town, have not dated for years, so i would not even know where to start to find a willing partner.
I live in a village about five miles from a medium-sized town and I sometimes feel isolated so I can't imagine how it must be to live where you do. This leads me to look at your position from a new perspective. Have you become gradually entrenched in a way of life that no longer suits you?

A remote rural location may have certain attractions, but have you considered that you would be better off moving to a large town? Here you would have:
  • Regular bus services, probably a railway station, taxis, etc.
  • A local newspaper, community magazines, other sources of local information.
  • Libraries, citizens' advice bureau, clinics, access to carer support
  • Many shops, plenty of choice of goods available nearby
  • Clubs, societies, churches, opportunities to meet new friends
  • A wide choice of housing, including bungalows, retirement apartments, sheltered accommodation, some of which could suit you better in your later years
Consider whether you are ready for a new chapter in your life. You could well find that your personal problems disappear or find solutions.
Sex is a basic need of humans and I think your wife shouldn't be against you having it maybe with another woman. If you stop having sex, your other activities and your overall health will be affected.
This is an old thread and the original poster has not visited the forum since May 2018, I am therefore locking this thread.

Melly1
Moderator