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I have had time to think back. - Carers UK Forum

I have had time to think back.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I have been thinking to myself about the bad luck Pat and myself have had over the many years we have been together met Pat when she 17 years old we were both young and in our teens.
As i have said many times before we have lost 2 children Pat as been in a coma lost her leg her eye sight was in danger amputation's of toes and many more medical problems mostly caused by her Diabetes Type(1) that Pat as had since her teens.
Now as you know Pat is still in hospital after having an Heart Attack and catching MRSA.

But i got to thinking as i have a lot of time to do that now while trying to sleep at night that our life's may have had a lot of bad luck but i got to thinking about a good friend of mine a friend called James we were friends at school went through infant's junior and Senior.
I was 14 at the time James was 15.

We had been friends for all our formative years playing on bomb sites after the war living in the same kind of house no Electricity no running hot water no bathroom only Gas lighting and Gas for cooking and a Lavvy in the garden i say garden more a yard and straight on to the pavement from the front door no front garden.
Both our Dad's had been away during the war ie Soldiers so we were not of a privileg back ground but we both had loving families those house's, today would be called slum's but our Mum's kept them clean a slum is what you make it.
Ours was a clean home but very sparse so James and I were equals in all way's.
one night James had pains and was taken to hospital where they found he had Appendicitis and there were complications and James Died.
I heard this news next day at school when our Headmaster told us what had happened.

And as i said when i started this posting about our bad luck i thank God for letting me have this life bad luck or not because James never experienced a long life like me, meeting Pat having children all the good times we have had making a better life for myself getting away from those old house's James never had any of that so with my caring and the hard times we have had.
It's still better than what a lot of other people have experience in life.
I had to put this down in writing as my thoughts run away with themselves.
So very sorry to have bored you again with a little of my thoughts but as you get older your mind plays trick's with you.
I am so lucky to have met Pat and in having a great life.
James never had that.
As we all say For the Grace of God it could have been me and not James.
Kind regards John & Pat
John and Pat, As you're probably aware we lost mum-in-law a couple of days ago. About an hour ago I found this small tract amongst her things and after reading your post I felt I had to pass it on to you .

and I know God must have heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although he spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind).
I asked him to send treasures
of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that he'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and happiness
And friends to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small
But it was for his loving care
I prayed the most of all!
You haven't bored me, John, you've brought tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Three or so years ago I had a husband, a healthy son, a job and I was studying. It changed in the blink of an eye. Suddenly I had a very ill child, I became a single mum and gave up my job and my studies.

Through it all I have met some amazing people, I found out who my real friends are and my son has had opportunities to do things that ordinarily would not have happened. He has attended a celebrity Christmas party and had a wish granted, made possible by charitable organisations. Some of the doctors, nurses and care workers we have met have been very special and it has actually been an honour to know them. We've also been privilaged to meet other families with sick children who all show amazing courage.

I'm really very proud of my son because he has been an inspiration to lots of people that I have known with cancer, including my mum. I wish I had his dignity sometimes when I'm sobbing in the middle of the night and silently screaming "Why?!"
Funnily enough I was thinking on the same lines John not long ago ...... lost my mum before I was 4..... and my friend Brian Millenthorpe died at the age 14 succumbed to tuberculosis about 1950 we had some fun I know, but he never really knew life, I suppose now at 72 is the time to look back, and also to appreciate life whatever it brings.... even if it does the dirty on you.
John you are never boring and your thoughts are always a treasure.
And whatever life throws at us, at least we are here and have had good times as well.
My friend Joy was riding pillion on a motorbike, they ran out of road. Alan got up and walked away, but Joy died. We were all 16/17 at the time and it could so easily have been any one of us Image
Thanks John for putting it all into perspective - when caring for someone it is all so easy to fall into that 'why me' syndrome and forget all the good times. I know that my life hasn't turned out quite the way I would have wished, but unlike so many others, I still have my Mum and, God willing, I'll have her around for a good many years yet.

I try hard to take each day as it comes and to find at least one happy, positive thing - even if it is only standing in the garden with a cup of tea and listening to the birds sing or watching the squirrels chase each other up the trees Image

And Gem, your Mum's tract should be known as the Carer's Prayer - I think it says it all for all of us on here and for all those carers who don't have the support we have. I'm going to copy it out and keep for when I'm having a 'down' day.

Hi Gem, & JohnRJ,
what a wonderful prayer! Suzieq is right, it should be known as "The Carer's Prayer".
Great news johnRj, Very glad to hear that Pat is home with you once more. Since being a carer to my wife Jill for the last two years, I to have had time to think back over my life. It's not been too bad at all. I certainly haven't experianced anything like the rotten problems you and Pat have battled with!! I awoke this morning feeling pretty sorry for our lot. You've put everything into perpective for me. Hey, and your far from boring chum. Loved reading about your childhood days. Crikey! We must have been "posh". We had Electricity,running water and a Bathroom. Also a front & back garden. I also lost a pal to illness. A weak heart. He died aged 17yrs, but he lived life to the full!! The life and soul of the party.
Better go. My wife is calling me! Hey Ho, crack on.
All the best
Pete the Paint
I showed the prayer to the vicar who will be conducting mum's funeral on 13th and he asked if he could use it during the service. He explained it wouldn't be a prayer for mum but for us and the rest of the family. He's also using 2 other little prayers I found with mum's things.
But I guess it worked for Pat and John.
Hi Gem

It certainly did.
Thank you and our thoughts are with you and your family.

Kind regards John & Patricia ( Pat )